Anyone who has read smut knows that there’s a lot of bad sex in fiction. After all, it’s not easy to come up with a new way to describe something that has been written about so many times. But some examples are worse than others and if you want a fun read, check out the Guardian’s article The bad sex factor: extracts from the prize shortlist.

Here are a few snippets, to either whet your appetite or scare you away from the rest of the examples they collected.

“‘Baby.’ She took my head in both hands and guided it downward, between her fragrant thighs. ‘Yoni puja – pray, pray at my portal.’

“She was holding my head, murmuring ‘Pray,’ and I did so, beseeching her with my mouth and tongue, my licking a primitive form of language in a simple prayer. It had always worked before, a language she had taught me herself, the warm muffled tongue.” (from A Dead Hand: A Crime in Calcutta by Paul Theroux)

I came suddenly, a jolt that emptied my head like a spoon scraping the inside of a soft-boiled egg. (from The Kindly Ones by Jonathan Littell)

It felt to him as if he were tending a delicate weeping wound, and as he probed it with his tongue he heard her moan quietly. Excited by the oysterish intricacy of her he sucked and licked the salty folds until they became sweet, and slowly she arched her back to heighten the angle of provocation. As her gasps grew more urgent he glanced upwards and saw her face almost angrily flushed and straining, his mouth now breathing in the wetness of her until, with an agonised cry, she stiffened and shuddered down the length of her torso. (from The Rescue Man by Anthony Quinn)

And my personal favorite:

Then, Bobby starts scrabbling frantically across the carpet for Mr Condom, sending five or six multicolour Durexes flying through the air, and he struggles getting the packet open and Georgie has to roll Mr Condom down Mr Penis for him and she has to help insert him into Mrs Vagina. (from Ten Storey Love Song by Richard Milward)

You can find all of the entries here. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

One of the sticking points in many of the debates and conversations that I’ve participated in around porn is that porn sex doesn’t look like real-life sex. Unfortunately, if the only images that we have about how to have sex come from porn, it’s easy to see how that can skew people’s perception of sex.

I’ve heard of a growing number of people in their early 20’s, especially men, who have trouble in their sexual relationships and say that it’s due, at least in part, to their porn viewing habits during their adolescence. Of course, nobody under 18 is supposed to look at internet porn, just like nobody under 21 is supposed to drink alcohol, right?

Some folks argue that any sexually explicit media is inherently problematic, while others claim that the porn industry as it currently  represents  sex is the problem, not sexually explicit media per se. After all, porn in the 70’s showed sex that looked a lot like everyday sex- no cameras between the legs, etc.

Most modern-day porn focuses so much on what works for the camera that there’s little room for anything that actually looks like it feels good. Crazy contortions that most people can’t manage, hard & pounding sex with no warm up or lubricant, a fairly predictable formula of acts- these are all chosen because of the perception that they look good. And of course, real passion and chemistry is quite hard to fake, especially when you’re a “performer” rather than an “actor.” I also think that after making porn for a while, many of the folks in the industry develop a different perception of what looks good than folks who aren’t in the biz.

Now just to be clear, I don’t think that porn’s focus on what looks good on camera is necessarily a bad thing. I also know that porn can be lots and lots of fun for many people. It’s just that I also think that it’s important to remember that most sex in the real world isn’t going to look like that and if you’re so focused on having “porn sex,” you might miss out on many of the joys and pleasures of sexuality.

In many ways, it makes me think of how television and movies  portray, well, pretty much anything. When you watch a detective movie, you’ll see someone sit at the computer, type for 10 seconds and get the information they want. When you watch Law & Order, you never see how appallingly slowly anything having to do with police work or courtrooms actually happens.  Medical dramas never shows anyone waiting for hours in the emergency room. Life in TV shows and movies is generally super convenient, except in the ways that move the storyline along. Expecting the real world to work like TV is almost always going to lead to disappointment. So why should we expect porn to be any different?

Personally, I’d love to see more sexually explicit movies that showed sex that looked like it feels good. There are  some, like Tony Comstock’s movies, as well as the movies that Abby Winters has made. There are also the classics, which still have a lot of fans. And I have to give a shout out to Good Releasing (GV’s new video production arm), with some super hot movies that feature truly pleasurable sex.

Ultimately, what’s pleasing to the eye can be pretty compelling. But when you lose track of what’s pleasing to the touch, that can be a problem. Personally, I’m all about the both/and. I think we can have the ability to have both. Perhaps not always at the same time, but that’s OK.

What I think we really need is better education and portrayals of real-life sex and sexual relationships, along with the fun-to-watch, but unrealistic erotic movies. And we need to stop singling out porn for something that pretty much every form of entertainment does. There’s plenty of other stuff that I would change about porn, but expecting it to be any different from TV in terms of how it caters to the camera and makes everything look unrealistic is just silly.

For instance, here is a description of the PLAYGIRL line, Steamy Seductions, which sounds really nice:

If you’re looking for a romantic romp to enjoy with your honey, this is definitely the film for you. The focus here is clearly on romance, couples, and connections as you watch a series of playful and loving bedroom adventures featuring couples enjoying each other. Intimacy, oral sex, and light sensation play featuring blindfolds and a feather tickler help set the mood for some truly stand out scenes—and maybe inspire a few of your own.

But is this what you are looking for?

I know there are dozens or perhaps millions of adult movies out there. The covers can look very sexy, sensuous and the titles are always an added chuckle. But the cover alone is not always the determining factor as to whether this is a good pick for you or you and your partner. If you look at the categories on the DVD covers that we place so you know what category a movie is in, it can be one factor, in determining if you will like it, but also the flavor of the directors or the actors can be a factor whether it will be to your liking.

So do some research. Even if there is a movie we have that 90% of our customers think it is the best movie ever made, you may be in the 10% that this movie leaves you totally bored out of your head or eyes popping out in dismay thinking “what the f**k?!” The only true way you will probably know if this movie is right for you (unless you have psychometric abilities) is to look at a small portion to get the flow of the film.

That is why Good Vibrations started a feature on our website called “Video on Demand”. You can buy as little as 10 minutes for $2.95 or more to see a variety of different movies in 2 minute intervals. That can usually give you a good indication as to whether you will like a movie or not. If you don’t you are only out a few cents instead of $29.95 for a movie you can’t send back. It is very discreet and safe to use and you don’t have to worry about other adult movie websites starting to bombard you with things you don’t want.

I signed up for myself to see how the process worked. I put in my username and password, went to the Video on Demand screen and signed up for 60 minutes for $8.95. Instantly I watched a few minutes of “The Craving”, a Wicked production. It was a remake of the fairy tales that I grew up with but in a very sexy adult way. It had beautiful costumes and the music in the background was very nice.

Now that I am post-menopausal it is a nice way for me to help kick start my sex drive up a notch — Bam! As Emeril would say.  I still have more minutes to look at the different movies we carry. You can also download a DVD to play on your computer or even burn a DVD copy to add to your collection if you really like the movie, or you can rent the movie for 30 days.

Try out the service. You might be pleasantly surprised. What have you got to lose? $2.95 that is less than a latte and maybe a lot more enjoyable too!

The shoot was one of the best experiences I have had in a long time, an experience I am still trying to analyze and digest. Often I get approached to work on projects, but people have a tendency to flake, which is why I am always careful about what I get myself involved in. But when you meet the right people collaboration is amazing, allowing each other to feed off of the others creative energies and feel secure and free to create in a safe environment for the good of sexy artistic achievement. WooHoo!

We met a few times prior to the day of filming–to pass ideas, I gave the director full access to any thing on the blog, but beyond that I was unsure of how useful I could actually be to the project, it was nothing I had ever done before, but how could I pass up taking part. I had to be in; I had to be at that filming. The deadline closer and closer, we settled on a shoot date which just happened to fall on Pride Fest weekend, which is both good and bad timing. The sexual energy of the weekend was definitely present and in our favor, but also there was an extreme lack of people needed for extras. Those who did end up helping were the porno angels.

I am not going to spoil the plot, because you will all just have to come the Castro for the big screening. I will say, the only dialogue that was used in the film were from two of my pas posts, The Beg and Grab. When the main actress/model/porn star read my words in her hot Russian accent I nearly melted. When the word “cock” and “thumping pussy” rolled off her tongue I nearly fell out of my chair she sounded so fucking luscious. It was so hot to hear someone else; especially a woman dressed in a tight fitting naughty librarian outfit reading my thoughts.

Night one: The realization that everyone on location was going to have to be on film if we were going to make this thing happen was became very apparent. I had not planned on being in the film, but we had no choice. There goes my City Librarian position. Fuck it. My role was to help grab and capture the author, which included stroking and caressing her body, unbuttoning her blouse and running my hands up and down her half-clothed body. I pinched her nipples through her bra, I stroked her bare belly, and I pressed my fingertips into her pussy through her skirt. Then I helped to lift her on to a desk where she was to be further ravaged.

Observations: What I came to learn is there is a lot of down time on a porn shoots, whether it was getting set up for the next shot, or explaining the set-up for the next shot, getting the actresses to understand the next shot, make-up application, smoke breaks…whatever. It took a great deal time for us all to get there and be working on the same page. Then on top of the time factor– there are the problems, the snafus, the downright disasters. The actress playing our “Johnny Keyes” role was somewhat of mess; she was not really there mentally, kept asking someone to go get her a Red Bull and a beer to chase her hangover away, and kept missing her cues. But the actress playing the author role made up for the others lack of character or ability. She was cute, willing, and had very little boundaries; I love a cute woman with no boundaries.

We finally get to the point in filming when it was time for the group ravage and our main girl on girl action. The tension and anticipation was hanging in the room. That oh my God, I cannot believe I am about to see two women fucking each other with various toys and implements–and I get to help. I get ravage her too. HOLY FUCK!

The director is talking to the girls about what is going to happen and what they want to happen and how the ravage should go down. They pull out the toys; dildos, impellers, strap-ons, ball gags, restraints. Fabulous goodies in which to fuck by. One of the dildos is the suction cup variety, allowing it to stick to various surfaces for fucking and sucking purposes– well it makes that suction cup popping noise every time someone touches it. This become very funny and animated the rest of the shoot. We can all tell when someone has that dildo because they just made that incriminating suction “pop” noise and then they are standing there with that guilty look and the fleshy dildo nervously in their hands. My favorite was the Excalibur style dildo, a nice handle, long black, not too think, not to firm fuck me stick. I had to be at the end of that thing. I wanted to strap it to my hip and pull it from my sheath and fuck her (or anyone) silly with it. But–that’s another movie.

The time comes where we run through the scene and the author is on the table knees up, the crowd gathered for the viewing and group ravage, our female Johnny Keyes is in place. We begin the run through, group ravage–stroke, caresses, suck, lick, pinch, ravage, feed her the Excalibur–as simultaneously the Lady Keyes spreads her legs and rips apart her panty hose from her pounding pussy. Not filming–we begin the practice run–ravaging, rubbing–the tension is unbearable–the other actress slowly begins to spread the authors legs wide, running her hands down the inside of her thighs towards her cunt where she is to rip the nylon from her body. When she gets there she exclaims “oh honey, are you bleeding?”

Oh Fuck!!! The author character got her period. Cut! Spirit crushing news. Wow! It was like a big group dynamic let down, I am surprised the whole room did not let out in unison one big Homer Simpson “D’oh!”

We had to stop for the night and everyone commit to being back there the next day at 6PM–prepared, plugged and ready for action. Apparently these are the pitfalls of porn, the girls had things they could use to take care of the flow and promised to be back there the next day.

The best overheard statements of the night were:

“What’s the best way to make you come?”
“Lets interrupt her by shoving a dildo in her mouth.”
“I can’t get the strap-on on…?”

Chapter Two Day Two: the sunshine of porn

We convene to the film location at 6 PM Sunday, already spent from the previous days festivities–the shoot, the drinking the night before, the Pride Parade that morning. We arrive and we begin the wait, the down time. We wait for the two girls to show up. We need that hot chick on chick.
And we wait.

6:30: the woman playing the author shows up. We are now waiting on our “Johnny Keyes” and still trying to hustle up audience extras. We wrangle a few neighbors and friends. We patiently, impatiently wait for girl number two to show,  hesitating to call because we don’t want to jinx it, and we want to be confident that she is going to show up for what she needs to do. Finally we break down and call–and the porno drama begins. Apparently there are cheating boyfriends involved–a love crisis. She is broken. The director explains to her that the best thing for her to do would be to get away from the situation, clear out for some time and what better place than where she is supposed to be–at the shoot. Not only would she clear her head, eat pussy, but gain some time to analyze her situation without being in it. We wait and we wait.

The hour/s pass and it is very evident our Johnny Keyes is not going to do what she needs to do. She is officially a No Show. Now, like the day before, it is apparent I am going to have to be on film. Our director calls me to the office to discuss the situation. He hints subtly or not so subtly, that I may have to play the role of Johnny Keyes . “No way!” I did not really even anticipate being in the shoot, let alone eating pussy naked. “No, not me, not for the camera at least.”

We negotiate between ourselves then approach our small group of extras and our leading lady. Our director with–humor, empathy and pleading worked magic on one beautiful, free spirited (possibly high either on the day or something else), young ray of sunshine extra–the sunshine of porn. She was dangerously cute, long blond dreads, freckles all over her body–the kind that make you want to connect the dots–tattoos in various locations across her body, wearing a bikini top, a princess crown, crazy mirrored goggles, didn’t mind going topless or eating pussy. She was fucking adorable and willing to take over the part of Johnny Keyes. The show must go on.

And so it did, with the help of some fine sexy porn happy people. We eventually managed to get to the action shots we needed. The woman playing the author was placed on the table by her admirers, her pantie hose ripped from her pussy and her body ravaged. This is when I got to participate. Her body on the table, our hands exploring her nakedness, her tits, nipples pinched the Excalibur prop. I want one. I fed it to her, made her suck on it, my hands wrapped around her face as she choked on it, I shoved it between her tits, and I smacked it on her lips with its firm head. It was hot. Then our second leading lady appeared, in between her legs, she glances at the camera, puts her goggles over her eyes and dove into her pussy. We are all over her, stroking, feeling, having our way with, and enjoying her body. She came. Cut!

I must say I was wet and wondering what would happen if we didn’t have to cut.

Final scene: the author is on all fours, taking a dildo until she comes. Our leading lady number two does not let us down. The camera angle has changed to get the view of her ass and pussy, panties pulled aside. We hear the tale tale sound of the suction cupped thick flesh rubber meat dildo pull off the table (smiles and giggles), lubed poured over the tip. Action! Sunshine fucks her, the rest of us with our hands still all over her, having our way, ravaging, and she herself is rubbing her own pussy and clit–until a nice fuck come is induced within. Cut!

We did it, we had the money shot, we pulled it off, with the kindness of sexy strangers. The shoot was such a great experience; I would love to do it again. From there the director did the rest, editing, and getting it prepped for submission. Look for us at the Good Vibes Independent Film Festival.

First off, I want to honor what I think is the real question: what movies feature non-surgically altered women? I 100% support people speaking their desires and asking for what they want. I 100% recognize that there are plenty of people who prefer to see women in porn without breast implants, or with pubic hair, or whatever. That’s great and there are plenty of movies for folks with those preferences.

Second, I think it’s totally fine to question/critique/discuss how limited and limiting definitions of beauty trap all of us. That-which-is-considered-attractive™ causes untold harm to everyone, especially women who try to force themselves into a mold that doesn’t fit. Given that pretty much every image we see in the media these days has been digitally altered, I really value the process of seeing past the packaging and discovering ways to not let it skew our self-perceptions. Personally, I find that not reading magazines full of unrealistic or literally impossible photos has done wonders for my ability to perceive the beauty that exists in every person I see. I highly recommend trying it, although your mileage may vary.

At the same time, what bugs me about the “real bodies” questions is that everyone’s body is a “real body”. There’s no such thing as a fake body- there’s only different degrees of body modification and we all do it.

Think you don’t have any body modifications? Do you have any piercings (yes, ear piercings count!) How about tattoos? Pins or rods in your skeleton to help you heal after an injury? Do you shave, wax, or tweeze any hair anywhere on your body? How about dyeing or cutting your hair? That’s a modification, too. Do you wear makeup? Eyeglasses or contact lenses? Have you ever had a mole removed? Those are all body modifications. And every body that I’ve ever seen has been modified to one degree or another.

Of course, some of them are temporary and others are more or less permanent. Some are easy to do and others require some help, such as those that require surgery. Some of them are for cosmetic reasons, others for medical reasons, and still others for both (such as glasses, which may be medically necessary but the frames are chosen in order to look good). And some of them fit within a given culture’s definition of acceptable body modifications and others don’t.

In all of this, whatever the reason for a particular modification, whether it’s to look a certain way, to help your body after an injury, or to make it easier to move through the world, none of them makes your body “fake.” Every body is a real body.

Even so, I do think that it’s worth exploring why some people choose to modify their bodies in the way that they do. The cultural pressure that we all face to look a certain way weighs on all of us. And in particular, the pressure that most women in US culture face to fit a particular mold has devastating consequences. So yes, we can question and challenge that. But once we start labeling some people as having “fake bodies”, we deny them their full humanity and that is a very steep, very slippery slope. Because that often leads to ascribing moral judgments to people because of how we judge their bodies. And in my experience, that quickly ends up in reinforcing the either/or, good/bad model that causes so much harm.

If we want to be sex-positive, then we need to honor both the real bodies that we each have AND the fact that we are each attracted to different types of bodies. We need to have room to question the messages that we receive about bodies AND honor each person’s autonomy to make  decisions about their own. And we need to stop using words like “fake” when we talk about very real, very human bodies,

In response to this piece, BDSM video veteran Mz Berlin blogged about why she thinks that Smith’s conflation of BDSM and torture is ridiculous. Here’s her take on it:

Wow. Crazy busy. The beat goes on and on and on.

My head has been in overdrive pondering the ongoing drama in San Francisco about the comparison of bondage porn with real torture. It has my mind spinning and I feel a little sick.

Melissa Farley, a woman I’ve never met and have only heard referenced twice, in articles focusing on a community that I don’t live in. My only connection to her subject matter is working at a company that she hates because of her own neo-feminist crazy ideology.  So, why is it getting to me? She is not ripping the porno down from the shelves in West Hollywood. She is not asking me, personally, to leave my kinky life in order to stop being a victim.

It is one of her many wacky conclusions that really gets to me.  And I’m having a very emotional reaction to it. It truly bothers me. It’s the conclusion that bdsm porn is in any way related to real life torture. Torture, as in it’s conventional sense. (Go ahead and pull up the Wikipedia page. I’ll wait.)

While Miss Farley has tons of education on me, and has probably interacted with far more sex workers than I have, and might even have good intentions with her comparisons and book burnings, I fundamentally disagree with her based on personal experience. I have worked as a bdsm porn model and I have also been subjected to torture, under the standard definition, while under arrest overseas.  My experience was short, intense,  and life-changing. I’m not going to go into the particulars of what happened, but the experiences are totally different.

I am quite certain of that.

I have journals, photos and paperwork chronicling how I was feeling and what was happening to me the entire time I was having my non consensual experience, and obviously other people were aware of and responding to the situation so I know that happened. There’s also a matter of public record. I (and You with your magical internet powers!) have my journal, interviews and pictures chronicling my bdsm adventures. I can track how a particular shoot made me feel, and can tell you the effect it had on me emotionally and physically.  The comparison of the two makes me sick. My nausea comes from the fact that torture is totally, completely, under any definition a non consensual act.

I don’t understand why Melissa Farley, and, by default, Matt Smith feel that it’s fair to compare the same act committed under completely different circumstances. Having to saw your hand off because it’s in a bear trap and a mountain lion is coming up the hill at a mighty quick pace and giving a kidney to your sister are a lot alike. They’re both major surgery.  They are both dangerous. They both result in the loss of a body part. It’s the context that brings it together. It’s circumstance.

So, there’s my rant and rationale. I’ve tried to keep it short. It’s personal. It’s professional. It’s a gray area as far as that goes. I don’t normally discuss personal stuff. I’ve touched on the non consensual experience in a few different forums as I processed what consent meant to me.  It’s at the core of how I compartmentalize the experience and it really (in the parlance of our time) pisses me off when someone puts the two together without thought. Not necessarily without thinking of me, obviously, but the circumstances surrounding each activity. And the charge that one word can have. And, unfortunately, what the difference between edgy porno/art film and a war crime is.

Let’s take a look at this. Someone who has personal experience with both actual torture and BDSM speaks up and makes it clear that they are not the same thing. Futher, she has records of her personal reflections on her BDSM shoots, which chronicle how she felt about them. Her words, her thoughts, and her experiences all demonstrate that the consent woven BDSM makes it completely different from torture, which is (by definition) non-consensual.

So what did Smith do? He interviewed her for a follow up piece, during which Mz Berlin specifically told him that she didn’t want him to use her real name because of her concern over the possible consequences. But Smith did a little digging and found her legal name, which he published. When Mz Berlin found out about it, she protested it and the piece was edited, but the damage was done. She’s lost custody of her child.

While I don’t pretend to understand what’s going on inside Smith’s head, it doesn’t seem unlikely to me that he wanted to retaliate against Mz Berlin. She spoke up and made it very clear that he doesn’t understand BDSM at all. And then he took steps which could be reasonably assumed to have negative consequences. You do the math.

It occurs to me that perhaps the reason that Smith doesn’t understand the difference between consensual BDSM and torture is that he doesn’t understand boundaries. Mz Berlin set a very clear limit when she asked him to only use her work name. Smith chose to ignore it, despite having agreed to it. To me, that demonstrates that Smith doesn’t get what boundaries mean and how to respect them. Here’s a hint: when someone sets a limit and you agree to abide by it, do so. It’s not all that hard to understand.

When you agree to a boundary that someone sets during sex and then ignore it, that’s called sexual assault. What it is called when it happens in journalism?

First off, nothing that Kink.com is illegal. They get the consent (and enthusiasm) of their models, they treat their models and staff quite well, they pay their taxes, and they were transparent about what they were going to use the training for. But Smith got all worked up because Kink.com produces porn.

Not only that, but he’s angry because he’s convinced that Kink.com shows torture. And that bugs me for two reasons. First, when we draw the comparison between something that people do willingly, consensually, and (perhaps) even enjoyably and torture, it invalidates the experiences of real victims of torture. Victims who, by definition, are unwilling, non-consenting, and aren’t enjoying it. They’re not the same thing at all and I really dislike it when people talk about them as if they are. Second, it invalidates the consent, intelligence, and decision-making ability of the people who choose to engage in BDSM, whether for the camera or in their bedrooms. By definition, if you consent, it isn’t torture and if it’s torture, you didn’t consent.

Of course, some people will argue that if someone is doing something like BDSM voluntarily, there’s something wrong with them and they can’t really consent to that. But as Kleinplatz and Moser show in their book Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures, the stereotype that people who engage in BDSM are damaged are wrong. So how about we let that go?

There’s a crucial difference between doing because you CHOOSE to and having something forced upon you. It’s similar, in that respect, to the difference between choosing to have sex and being sexually assaulted. It’s about the agency of the people involved. Duh.

Smith also quotes noted anti-porn propagandist, Melissa Farley:

“In this economy, this is something women would rather not do, but they feel they have to,” she said. “This is a form of economic coercion. But people would rather not think of it that way. People think of it as a matter of rights, rather than ask the question, ‘Should people have a right not to do this?’”

“Something that women would rather not do?” How about taking a look at Maggie Mayhem’s blog. By Farley’s logic, either Maggie is lying, or she’s not a woman. And I think that’s the worst part of this- the anti-porn folks disregard the actual experiences of many of the people in the biz. Yes, there are some people who have negative experiences. That’s true. But it’s not the whole story. Some people actually enjoy making porn. And some people actually enjoy BDSM (not to mention, some people like making kinky porn). Yes, I agree that people absolutely have a right to not do this. And I invite you to talk to the people who have modeled for Kink.com before you make these outlandish, inaccurate claims.

Rights go both ways. We have the right to do something, and we have the right to not do it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone suggest that we don’t have a right to not make porn. So Melissa, what in the world are you talking about?

Whether the state of California can decide to pay for training people who work at Kink.com (or other porn makers) or not, Smith’s characterization of the company and kinky porn is way off the mark. It looks to me as if it triggers him and he’d rather lash out and blame the porn than deal with that. But then, that’s nothing new when it comes to some of the anti-porn folks, is it.

She was talking about how porn doesn’t show the intimacy and connection that are part of sex. And I 100% agree with her on that, with the exception of a few small companies such as Comstock Films. And as Tony Comstock pointed out on another post, his work places him outside the distribution channels and reach of the rest of the porn world.

At the same time, sex isn’t only about intimacy and connection. Don’t get me wrong- I think that sex with vulnerability and mutual passion is amazing. It can be an amazing experience that deepens a relationship and offers opportunities for growth and transformation. Sex with love is fantastic. And it’s not the only way to have sex.

As far as I’m concerned, sex with mutual liking can also be great. As can sex with mutual respect and shared desires. See, our culture grew out of an amazingly erotophobic pattern that said that sex is bad unless something redeems it. Historically, that meant procreation within (heterosexual) marriage. That has slowly shifted, so that many people today will allow love to redeem sex. But that still rests on the idea that sex needs to be redeemed. And given that there are lots of reasons people have sex in addition to love, that seems like it continues to limit the full expression of healthy desire. (Note: there are some methodological concerns with the research on why people have sex, but I’m more interested in how we deal with the fact that there are lots of reasons to have sex rather than pinning down all of the exact reasons that people have sex.)

You’re not going to see love in much porn. Other than a few individuals, most porn talent aren’t in personal relationships with the people they have sex with on the set. Similarly, you’re also not going to see real love in most non-porn movies. But at least TV and movie actors can act (mostly). There’s a reason the porn industry calls them “talent” rather than actors. And as long as we vilify porn talent, anyone who can actually act isn’t likely to have sex on screen. Yes, we also idolize some porn stars, but that doesn’t change the fact that having sex on camera pretty much paints you into a career corner unless you can stay in the closet about it.

Given that, it’s not surprising that the closest connection that you’ll find in porn is sex with mutual liking and desire. And I can tell you that lots of people say that they would LOVE to see more of that. At GV, we try to find any examples of it that we can, but it’s not easy- there’s not a lot. Nor is it a surprise that most porn scenes are made by people who don’t have any connection at all and sometimes, even dislike each other. They don’t usually get to choose who they’re shooting a scene with.

In my ideal world, we’d actually see more examples of loving, sexual relationships in our everyday lives. That doesn’t mean that we’d see everyone having sex. But as long as we don’t offer role models for how sexual relationships with intimacy and vulnerability can look, there’s nothing to balance things out. As long as we keep everything about sex secret, we won’t have other examples for happy, healthy sexual relationships. And that means that there won’t be anything to help us to understand that we don’t need to model our lives on what we see in porn.

Just for a change, I think it’d be great for more DVDs to have a bonus clip of the talent negotiating what they’re going to do. Something like “My leg cramps in that position. Let’s do this one instead.” Or “I like it when you suck the head of my cock and stroke the shaft.” Or whatever. Anything that lets us see that these are real people having sex.  One of the few DVDs along those lines is the Chemistry series and given how popular it is, I think it shows how much people want to see that.

One of the things that makes that tricky is that deep sexual & emotional connection isn’t easy to film. Anyone can grab a camera and film people fucking. It’s a lot harder to convey the subtle nuances of a relationship. But I can dream.

So, yeah. Porn isn’t going to offer us examples of deep connection, vulnerability and intimacy. That’s not what porn producers are trying to do.

Unrealistic Images

One of the critiques that I hear about porn is that it doesn’t provide realistic models for sex or relationships. And that’s absolutely true. You almost never see people in porn using lube, warming up before having sex (especially anal sex), or asking for something different. Porn sex is pretty formulaic, with activities and positions chosen more for the convenience of the camera than for the pleasure of the participants. People in porn jump right to the chase, usually without any romance, and you rarely see any affection.

At the same time, nothing on TV or movies is ever realistic. Ask a doctor sometime if medical dramas portray medicine accurately. Ask a lawyer if their job looks like what you see on Law & Order. And I don’t think that anyone thinks that Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom even remotely resembles what archeologists actually do. So why don’t people complain about unrealistic images in these other genres?

I think that the main reason is that, in real life, we have lots of personal experience that shows us that TV isn’t ever realistic. After all, we all know that real life rarely poses challenges that can be solved in an hour. Real life doesn’t come with a killer soundtrack and a montage to get us through the hard work. But in real life, most of us haven’t ever watched people have sex, which means that we don’t have more accurate images of what sex looks like to provide a contrast to what we see in porn.

Learning to have sex from watching porn is about as effective as learning to drive from watching car chase movies. And unfortunately, that’s what our sex education system forces people to do. Rather than helping people learn how to make authentic sexual choices, communicate with a partner, set boundaries or identify their needs, desires, and goals, we withhold information and then shame them for making mistakes. Is it any wonder that people are trying to learn how to have sex from porn?

Porn isn’t any more of a fantasy than a romantic comedy or an action movie is. But until we give people more accurate ideas about sex, there’s no way to balance it out. And to critique porn for doing something that every other genre of entertainment does seems a bit silly to me. After all, there’s no reason to have higher expectations for porn than we do for action movies.

I know that there are plenty of other ways in which some porn is really problematic. There’s a lot of porn that features humiliation of the women involved. (I’ve seen a lot less humiliation in gay porn.) And that really disturbs me. And there’s an increasing amount of humiliation in the media generally. Unscripted TV (formerly called “reality shows” until they realized that it’s not realistic) often includes the humiliation of the participants, especially if it’s a contest show and people’s work is being judged. The issue of sex & shame is a big one and there isn’t much clarity around it. I’m going to write about that another time, but I wanted to make sure that it didn’t get left out.

Unrealistic Bodies

People in porn tend to look pretty similar. Pubic hair, blemishes on the body, and cellulite are mostly absent. Men in porn have large penises that get instantly erect and ejaculate only after having “enough” sex, and the guys are muscular and (if they’re white) tanned. Women in porn are generally young & skinny, they’re always ready for pounding sex and they’re flexible enough to get into those unlikely positions. (This isn’t meant to be an exhaustive list of the ways that porn presents unrealistic images of bodies.)

I’d love to see a wider range of bodies in porn. I’d love to see people of more races, ages, sizes, and such. I think it’d be a great thing to have positive representations of the diversity of bodies. And I’ll expect to see that about a week after I see it on the cover of the magazines at the checkout stand. Please note- I am not at all apologizing for the general homogeneity of bodies in porn. I’m simply pointing out that the porn industry is influenced by society’s general trend of unrealistic body expectations.

Of course, porn influences that trend too. I don’t have an answer for this one and I don’t think anyone else does. However, I will point out that there’s some porn that shows (for example) larger women. In some ways, there’s actually more body diversity in porn than at the checkout stand. I still think it sucks that the porn industry is almost entirely clueless when it comes to body image, and all of the other ways that people are shamed for their bodies. But if enough people are willing to spend their cash on people of size, there’s someone willing to make a porn movie with them. It’s a minuscule thing, but it’s worth noting. (Click on the image to see a few movies that feature larger women.)

It Comes Down to Money

Porn is one of the few industries that’s totally unregulated. Other than the requirements around keeping minors out of it and away from it, the primary (and generally only) influence on the producers of porn is customer demand. Makers who try something new or innovative decide whether they can continue creating it based on whether people buy it. Even though the internet and improving technology have made it possible for more people to try making porn, it still costs a fair amount of money to produce and unless there’s an immediate payoff, few people can keep going

There are a few people who are trying to make something different. Tony Comstock is making some really great movies, as are the folks at Erocktavision and Pink’n’White. If you like what they’re making, tell your friends. Help support them and they’ll be able to keep doing it.

Porn Has Lots of Other Problems

I’m not apologizing for porn. I think that there are a lot of ways that the industry and the products it produces are problematic. And I also think that one step towards addressing them is to get some clarity around what’s going on.

Criteria of the Feminist Porn Awards include:

1) A woman had a hand in the production, writing, direction, etc. of the work.

2) It depicts genuine female pleasure

3) It expands the boundaries of sexual representation on film and challenges stereotypes that are often found in mainstream porn.

With those standards it’s no surprise that you can find many of the videos here at Good Vibrations. Some are so new that they have yet to be put to mass distribution. A huge congratulations to our local SF female filmmakers: Shine Louise Houston/Pink & White Productions, Ian Sparks/Trannywood Pictures, and Madison Young/Madison Bound Productions, and Courtney Trouble/No Fauxxx for her upcoming film Roulette!
And the Nominees are…

1. Girls Lusting Girls – Abby Winters – Abbywinters.com
2. Voluptuous Biker Babes – Carlos Batts – Adam and Eve Pictures
3. Padded Cell – Cant Dog Productions
4. Roulette – Courtney Trouble – No Fauxxx
5. Intense Desires – Eli Cross – Lennox Films
6. One Night Stand – Emilie Jouvet – Hyst Productions
7. Barcelona Sex Project – Erika Lust – Lust Films
8. Exploring the O – Jamye Waxman – Adam and Eve Pictures
9. Monogamy without Monotony – Jamye Waxman – Adam and Eve Pictures
10. Toying with Pleasure – Jamye Waxman – Adam and Eve Pictures
11. Matinee – Jennifer Lyon Bell – Blue Artichoke Films
12. Head Shot – Jennifer Lyon Bell – Blue Artichoke Films
13. MySexTherapist.com: Advanced Therapy – Kelly Holland – Chick Media
14. That’s What I Like – Louise Lush – Indigo Lush Media
15. Lesbian Life: Layover – Madison Young – Lesbian Life Productions
16. Lesbian Life: Real Sex San Francisco – Madison Young – Lesbian Life Productions
17. Madison Young’s Bride of Sin – Madison Young – Madison Bound Productions
18. Madison Young’s Tail of a Bondage Model – Madison Young – Madison Bound Productions
19. Perversions of Lesbian Lust – Madison Young – Madison Bound Productions
20. Undone – Madison Young – Madison Bound Productions
21. Strap-On Motel – Maria Beatty – Bleu Productions
22. Skateboard Kink Freak – Maria Beatty – Bleu Productions
23. Sex Mannequin – Maria Beatty – Bleu Productions
24. Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls – Maria Beatty – Bleu Productions
25. New Romantix – Max Royale – Babeland Premieres
26. Man Of My Dreams – Mimi Balfour – Cleopatra Films
27. Red Hot Touch: Genital Massage for Men – New World Sex Education
28. Red Hot Touch: Erogenous Zones and Orgasmic Massage – New World Sex Education
29. Red Hot Touch: Erotic Touch For Sexual Positions – New World Sex Education
30. Red Hot Touch: Exquisite Anal Massage – New World Sex Education
31. Red Hot Touch: Genital Massage For Women – New World Sex Education
32. Girls Kissing Girls – Nica Noelle – Sweetheart Video
33. Lesbian Noir: The Pool Girl – Nica Noelle – Sweetheart Video
34. My Little Minx: A (sort of) Silent Lesbian Farce – Nica Noelle – Sweetheart Video
35. Feeling It! Not Faking It – Petra Joy – Strawberry Seductress Films
36. Pixie Licks – Pixie and Andy Ide – Sweetmeat Productions
37. Bag Ladies – Stelllaaa Kowolsky and BJay Pink – Jumbo Grab Productions
38. Champion - Shine Louise Houston – Pink & White Productions
39. Crash Pad Series 3 – Shine Louise Houston – Pink & White Productions
40. Doing It Ourselves: The Trans Women Porn Project – Tobi Hill-Meyer
41. Bill and Desiree: Love is Timeless – Tony Comstock – Comstock Films
42. Couch Surfers: Trans Men in Action – Trannywood Pictures – Brazen Garage Squad
43. Tristan Taormino’s Guide to the G-Spot – Tristan Taormino – Smart Ass Productions & Vivid Ed Productions
44. Penny Flame’s Guide to Handjobs for Men and Women – Tristan Taormino + Penny Flame – Smart Ass Productions & Vivid Ed
45. Chemistry 3 – Tristan Taormino – Smart Ass Productions and Vivid Entertainment
46. Chemistry 4 – Tristan Taormino – Smart Ass Productions and Vivid Entertainment

* Please note: The Feminist Porn Awards have not separated films according to category, so we can let each film shine on it’s own merit. All of the films listed above have met (and exceeded!) our criteria for the Feminist Porn Awards!