Good Vibrations Magazine

Dr. Carol Queen, Ph. D answers sex questions, this one came in from Facebook.
I was wondering… why does it feel good when my bladder is full? Is it pressing on my g-spot? I’ll even start and stop my flow during urination because it feels so good, nearly orgasmic. Why does this feel good? My [...]

Hallie Potocki, a writer with First Magazine (1.5 million readers), is doing a piece on sexual confidence for women and is looking for a ‘testimonial’ woman who would like to share her story. She will need to briefly interview a woman between 30 and 50 (attractive as her photo will be in the magazine) whose [...]

Staff Sexologist Dr. Carol Queen answers your questions…
Question: my wife takes paxil + is also survivor of sexual abuse as a teenager = she has like 0 drive or enjoyment, sex is a 1 a mo duty - what 2 do?
You’re right that your wife’s low libido/enjoyment could be due both to the meds she’s [...]

Whats the best path of treatment for vaginismus? Are there any good online resources for self-help? (asking on behalf of my gf)

I’m not sure about the vast range that the online world offers re: this, but there is a substantive-looking site called vaginismus.com which is certainly worth exploring. And there has been one good book written about Vaginismus, which is a condition which involves the vagina not relaxing enough to allow for comfortable penetration — sometimes the tightness is so extreme that even a finger can’t be inserted without pain. Its functional definition refers to the inability to have intercourse.

“is “stone butch” with us today? if so, has this sexuality changed, remained the same, both?”

I’d say yes to that, although many of the people who would have been identified as stone butch in the old days are now viewed as genderqueer or some variation thereof; whether or not she/ze/he’s a very butch woman or a transman, some such masculine folks are more comfortable being the “do-er” (top, active partner) sexually (as if you can’t be active as the “receptive” partner… oh, words fail us). But the notion of “stone” is two-sided: on the one hand, it means “very very”; on the other, it refers to an unwillingness (or orientation away from) being the receptive partner during sex.

@GoodVibesSF What is the best route to becoming a sex educator?

Great question! The simple answer is, major in sexology or sex ed in a recognized program. But that answer is actually way too simple, because there aren’t very many of these programs, and there’s more than one kind of sex educator. The sexologist is clearly one. Many of these programs are pretty academic and ready you mainly for academic careers — which is great, if that’s what you had in mind. If you’d rather live the swashbuckling life of a sexpert, who may have no formal training but lots of real-world experience and knowledge, start amassing (and evaluating) your real-world experience! These folks often wind up teaching classes, writing books, and often being pretty big deals.

If a guy doesn’t climax after 20 mins of foreplay and 30 mins of sex does it mean the sex is terrible?

Oh, this is an awesome question! No, it doesn’t necessarily mean the sex is terrible at all. It might be so great that he’s trying with all his will not to let it end — so many people, of all genders, are trained to think that when a guy comes, the sex is over, that many men try hard NOT to climax! And that can train a man, whether he intended to do so or not, to have a hard time coming at all. (Of course, in reality, the sex doesn’t have to be over until everyone involved has had enough fun, or until it’s time to catch the bus for work, whichever comes first.)

dear carol hi my name is mark … since your a sex therpist this is my question i have a problume getting erect when i was younger at age 18 i got super erect now that i am 42years old i am haveing trouble geting erect i diabetes type2 can you give me advice on what to do or what kind of help i need thank you mark

Hi Mark! Thanks for writing, and apologies that I’ve been traveling and didn’t get right back to you. First I have to clarify that I’m not a sex *therapist* — I’m a sexologist, and my training is a little different than that of a sex therapist. But let me get to your question.

First, it’s natural for a man to have stronger, quicker erections at 18 than later in life, but just getting to age 42 is not a guarantee that you should notice much less ability to get erect.

Question: Did you have fun at the Masturbate-a-Thon?
Great fun! The Masturbate-a-Thon was held Saturday, and competitors (looking to best the world time record) started at 11 a.m.; I was running around getting ice and stuff, that’s always my last-minute job, and got there at 3 or so. By 4:30 it was time to start the [...]

Qustion: Any advice on dealing with a husband who just doesn’t want it? :’(
(I’ve ‘done it myself’, read For Yourself, but I still tear about it. He has issues, & its hard not to take them on).
Yes, I have several suggestions, plus a kudo for not taking your partner’s issues on, which can indeed be [...]

Question: Sexual enhancement products in pill form: What’s your opinion on pills such as ASP, MaxSize, Aurapur, etc? Are they safe?
It’s pretty impossible to know enough about the safety of such products, because for the most part these kinds of supplements aren’t overseen by any government agency. Since the safety and/or efficacy [...]

Question: What advice would you give to current/former sex workers to aide in discussion with their bf/gf/partners about their work?
(Second DM: i only ask this, as a sex worker transitioning out of the industry, this has come up a lot in my past relationships. Thanks!)
Until Sadie Lune’s anthology comes out which [...]

Question: Why is spermicidal lubricant illegal in San Francisco?
I don’t think spermicidal lube is illegal, per se, in San Francisco, but it is no longer being recommended or distributed by any of the organizations with a stake in safer sex education or AIDS prevention; in fact, it’s usually actively recommended against. Here’s why:

Question: If you could give 1 piece of advice about sexual relationships to a nervous, inexperienced 22yo woman, what would it be?
Sexual relationships are like a conversation that you conduct largely (but not solely) with your body - and like any conversation, someone starts it off, the other person picks up the thread, and it [...]

Question: What IS Silagel (i.e. Doc Johnson toys). It’s not silicone is it? What is the best toy material for sensitive people?
No, Silagel isn’t silicone; it’s a new development in the adult toy industry, which is working to leave behind phthalate-laden material that’s caused controversy since European journalists began worrying about it a few [...]

Question: What is “Top” and “Bottom”? Does it apply to any kind of sex?

Great question! The terms “top and bottom refer, most broadly, to the “do-er” and “do-ee” of an erotic experience involving at least two people. Most people have never learned to use the words this generally, though; most often they’re used in [...]

… because I have been honored by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the lovely order of drag nuns who make San Francisco (and everyplace in the world you find them) a more fabulous and communitarian place. This, per their website, is what the Sisters are all about:
“…community service, ministry and outreach to those on the [...]

Question:
Has anyone yet developed sex toys for people with RSI? I keep wondering if that market is being tapped at all…
To my knowledge no one has made toys specifically for people dealing with repetitive stress injuries, though many people might find that valuable. Holding a vibrator can be challenging for someone with RSI, [...]

Question:
Oil as a lube, is it safe? with a move to more natural/organic lifestyles, are natural oils an alternative lube?
Certain oils can be used safely as lubes. First let’s look at the disadvantages or issues:
One, they’re not compatible with latex. If you’re having safer sex, you MUST use a poly (not latex) condom [...]

Question:
Some G-Spot toys are REALLY curved while some are straight without much of a bump. Do they both do the same job?
Different people may prefer different toys, and g-spot stimulation is a perfect example: g-spot toys are curved, made with a bump, ball, or other pressure-enhancing element, or both. The point is to [...]

Question:
The general attitude of ppl towards ‘queefing’ seems negative to me.. is it normal? Can you stop it or make it quieter? I do when I cum.. =/
Queefing (in case anyone reading this is unfamiliar with the slang) = vaginal farting, or more precisely expelling air from the vagina in such a way that it [...]

Question:
Is it safe to insert egg bullets? i thought the cord was a possible safety hazard?
The cord is a safety hazard in two main ways: People assume they can use it to remove the vibe, then one day it breaks and leaves the vibe inside them; and the insertion point of the cord into the [...]

Question:
Know of any sex-positive educators in the Honolulu area? Or good references for self learning?
Hmm! I’ll want to do a little research for you re: the first question (unless we have some HI folks tuned in who would like to weigh in on this?) – for your second question I’d say that there are books, [...]

Question:
Why is it obscene/illegal to show fisting in adult DVDs in the USA? Will it ever become legal?
Nothing in US porn is de facto illegal except underage participants. But the law allows porn to be charged as obscene according to “community standards,” which are nebulous and changeable. So literally anything *could* be judged illegal if [...]

… to engage in one of the most thrilling intellectual adventures of my life: debating at the Oxford Union. Yes, that Oxford. In England. And the topic, “This House believes that Promiscuity is a virtue, not a vice,” is truly the debate I was born to have. You can imagine how delighted I was, shortly [...]