I get the appeal, I really do. Not only is the idea of you or your loved one bound and restrained very sexy but it comes with the extra naughty notion that police officers use handcuffs on bad people. Haven’t we been playing cops and robbers since we were little kids? Who hasn’t tied up their best friend in a chair and interrogated them for an hour? That isn’t just me right?

Okay, so here is where fantasy can mix with reality. We have super sexy restraints made of leather, sometimes fuzzy on the inside and always a backup accessory to go dancing at bondage a-go-go. Don’t like leather? Are you vegan or just plain prefer man-made materials? We also have restraints made of felt or neoprene (a spongy, machine washable material). Maybe this is just a gag gift that may actually be used later on. The felt Cuff Loves are pretty cheap at 12 bucks a pair. Come on, give it a try. You just might like it…

The Cuff Love

Leopard Restraints

The We-Vibe – one of the more innovative designs to hit the adult industry in a while. Recently we’ve seen a lot of new vibrators come out that have increased functionality, dual motors, digital interfaces… as well as many other bells and whistles. We’ve also see variation of the same be release one after another. Not to say these vibes aren’t great – because most of them are. But it’s also really exciting when I see something at a trade show that makes me stop… and in this case… stop and scratch my head. First thought: What the hell is that? Upon a closer glance it was obvious where the We-Vibe was used… but not necessarily how. And that is exactly where the innovation is.

Now most of what Good Vibrations offers in our stores/web is great for solo use or with a partner. But there are few products (aside from vibrating cock rings) actually designed for couples where both people receive stimulation and there definitely isn’t anything that works quite like this!

The We-Vibe is designed to be worn vaginally so that the smaller end nestles up into the G-Spot while the top vibrates against the clitoris providing simultaneous stimulation. The We-Vibe design works great on it’s own but the intention was that the wearer would then be penetrated and the partner would also experience sensation from the friction against the insert piece and the two vibration settings. Perfect! A waterproof and rechargeable vibrator that is wireless, wearable and designed with both partners’ pleasure in mind.

Yet what I found when we had a few of our staff educators test drive the We-Vibe is that each person had a totally unique experience and used it in a totally different way… showing the incredible versatility of this product!

After talking with staff and hearing from a few customers that they didn’t know how to use the We-Vibe I wanted to share our field research. This makes sense – every body is different and we all experience pleasure differently so it makes perfect sense that this is not a one-size-fits-all vibrator. How the We-Vibe “fits” into a persons body and a couples sex life is unique to them.

I hope that, if nothing else, this list of ways to enjoy the We-Vibe inspires you to sexperiment on your own and find your personal best We-Vibe use!

We-Vibe tip #1: Insert during foreplay. The vibration & subtle pressure can arouse and may even get you off in anticipation of what is to come.

We-Vibe tip #2: Wear as designed – insert vaginally and position during penetrative sex with partner. Share the vibration!

We-Vibe tip #3: Insert toy vaginally and engage in anal stimulation/penetration for a double penetration-like experience… hot!

We-Vibe tip #4: This vibe is equally versatile for all genders, especially trans men who want some extra bang for their buck!

We-Vibe tip #5: Use the U-shape to stimulate the frenulum and shaft of the penis – just add some lube, consistent stroking motion.

We-Vibe tip #6: Wear under your harness giving subtle vibration to you and the person on the receiving end as well!

We-Vibe tip #7: Same principle as tip #5 but use on testicles to add extra stimulation during oral or penetrative sex.

We-Vibe tip #8: Wear around your house or around the town! It’ll keep a smile on your face no matter where you are headed…

We-Vibe tip #9: Insert vaginally to vibrate and tease your G-spot!

We-Vibe tip #10: Sexplore, sexplore, sexplore! And have a blast trying out your favorite new toy!

This great article came out in AVN recently and I wanted to make sure our readers also got a chance to read it. Written by Jamye Waxman it gives a brief history of sex educators in our industry. It’s refreshing not only to see these people acknowledged but to see a few of the lesser-known educators and innovators of our industry given the kudos they so dearly deserve.

The New Sex Educators
Online and in person, retailers are redefining sex education and customers are lining up to learn.

By: Jamye Waxman
Posted on AVN.com on 05/05/2008
When you think of sex-ed, do you think of science class or gym teachers? Perhaps you don’t. But even if you did, it’s not how most people view sex education these days. Today, more students are ditching the classrooms and seeking out nontraditional educators, many of whom come out of, or live in, the retail sex world. These adult students are looking to the pros to teach them how to have better sex. From certified (and non-certified) sex educators to retail sex shops, consumers are learning firsthand that knowledge is pleasure. Moreover, they’re signing up en masse for a different type of classroom experience, one that comes without chalkboards and desks but still stresses homework and extra credit.

To meet the demand, a new sex education continues to spring up across America. The curriculum differs from the kinds of sex education (or lack thereof) taught in many schools because it’s pleasure-based and not focused on statistics and scare tactics. The people and places stepping up to fill the information void love sex, and sex education is something these stores can sell. Instead of focusing on shame and embarrassment, this new education focuses on empowerment, encouragement and eroticism. According to Charlie Glickman, education program manager of Good Vibrations, the shift is partly due to the availability of better sex materials and resources. “For a long time, the idea that you needed to learn some skills to be sexually empowered made people feel shame and embarrassment,” he says. “Now, people are realizing it’s not the end of the world to not know everything there is to know about sex. Now, there’s more opportunity and less stigma associated with gaining sexual knowledge.”

What happened to shopping for sex that has turned the adult novelty industry from a dirty little secret to a profitable and respectable affair? For starters, sex became normalized, for both women and men, through the work of women like Betty Dodson, Candida Royalle, Annie Sprinkle, Del Williams, Carol Queen, Susie Bright and Joani Blank. Through their insightful teachings, films, performances and business savvy, sexual satisfaction came out of the closet. “All through the 1990s, sex and sex toys were creeping out of the shadows,” says Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist for Good Vibrations. “By 1997, I was talking to the big women’s and men’s magazines on behalf of Good Vibrations all the time. I think there is no question that women-centric toy retailing led the way for this change.”

A whole new generation has been established, and it’s spreading all over the world. Sex educators like Violet Blue, Tristan Taormino, Ducky Doolittle, Sadie Allison and Cory Silverberg are being acknowledged and honored as the newest individual voices in sexuality. Others like Lou Paget, Ava Cadell and Robert Lawrence are still using their unique voices to spread the gospel of sex.

Carol Queen, who received her doctorate in sexology at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality helped launch the educational component of the sex shop Good Vibrations in the early 1990s. She and her partner, Robert Morgan Lawrence, were among the first to travel the country teaching sex classes in stores and at community-based organizations. Queen says the path “is now well trodden by a new generation of sex educators and ‘sexperts.’” She uses “sexperts” to describe writers and workshoppers who don’t have academic or professional backgrounds.

A lot of sex educators are being born out of the retail sex industry. Tristan Taormino and Ducky Doolittle spent time slinging dildos at Babeland. Violet Blue did years at Good Vibrations. Cory Silverberg is a co-founder of Canada’s sex shop Come As You Are. And although Silverberg wrote in this issue of AVN Novelty Business’ health column that he is “not a fan of retailers who refer to their staff as sex educators,” the truth is that more and more retailers are playing a huge role in the field of sex education.

My personal path to sex education is laced with the traditional (masters in sex education from an accredited university) and the less traditional (I spent more than four years working at the sex shop Babeland, as well as being a TV and radio producer for sex-related talk shows), and as I continue to teach private workshops on everything from how to have safe sex to how to give great head, I notice that more and more women and men are craving sexual know-how.

A Unique Shopping Experience

Sex retailers that focus on creating a safe, nurturing and information-filled environment rank highest in press coverage, customer loyalty and satisfaction. These shops include places like Babeland, Come As You Are, Good Vibrations, Early to Bed, Freddy and Eddy, and The Smitten Kitten.

There is no stigma or shame attached to owning or working at any of these places. Most of the shops are homey: Freddy and Eddy offers customers cappuccinos and couches. “We’ve been told we’re quite different, though we find it odd to think so,” says Ian Denchasy, the “Freddy” of Freddy and Eddy. “We definitely offer much less selection than a typical store, with a free library of books and DVDs for loan to anyone who visits, as well as one of the best (and also free) cappuccinos in L.A. We also offer a complete return policy, including if someone simply doesn’t like a product. We want a completely positive experience, regardless of whether or not it costs us a few bucks. While most sex shops don’t offer complete refunds, they all have their niches.”

“We have large, unobstructed street-front windows in uptown Minneapolis that allow our clients confidence when they walk in the front door,” says Jennifer Pritchett, a co-founder of The Smitten Kitten. “We encourage folks to feel comfortable browsing or reading in our seating area. And we are the first and only sex-toy retailer to exclusively sell nontoxic toys. We are also the only retailer who founded and operates an adult consumer advocacy and industry education organization, The Coalition Against Toxic Toys.” Early to Bed has a monthly book club that offers wine, snacks and discussions on assigned books like Bound and Gagged and Full Exposure. The store also hosts salon discussions like “Girls Gone Wild vs. Girls Gone Mild” (referring to the extreme ends of the spectrum surrounding the sexualization and modesty of adolescent girls). Education Coordinator Eden Robins says, “Both of these programs are free and bring in a different population of people than might come to the workshops.” Silverberg describes Come As You Are as “the only democratically run, cooperatively owned and operated sex store in the world.”

But just because Silverberg’s store is alone in this designation does not mean that he doesn’t feel a connection with other retailers. “We like to think of ourselves as part of a network of like-minded sex stores who share a belief that running a sex store isn’t just a way to make money,” he says. “It’s about empowering people and putting something positive out to the world.”

The People Behind the Workshops

With workshops being a key component in the new brand of sex education, adult retailers no longer sell only tangible products. They also sell tips and techniques to improve customers’ love lives. And since many progressive, recognized, couple- and woman-friendly establishments offer workshops, the line between retail and education is blurred even further.

Denchasy describes his brick-and-mortar shop and his website as sexual-health boutiques and calls himself a “sexuality facilitator.” What helps Freddy and Eddy spread sexual information is that Denchasy and his wife Alicia (”Eddy”), relate to their target audience. “[We] see ourselves as no different than 90 percent of every other married couple in America, including the same hang-ups and problems!” he says.

Adult retail employees are increasingly serving as more than just cashiers. At The Smitten Kitten, staff members are sex educators and social/cultural activists. At Good Vibrations, “the staff are both sex educators and sales associates,” says Glickman, who has a Ph.D. in adult sex education from the Union Institute. “We want to balance out what we do. The job really is about sex education, but we’re also selling product. So that was the most authentic way to describe what we do.”

Not all educators in the sexual arena call themselves the same thing. Author Sadie Allison, who, like Queen, received a doctorate in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, refers to herself as a “pleasure coach.” “A pleasure coach is a sex educator who focuses on the art of giving and receiving pleasure, specifically, offering the advice, direction and hands-on techniques to physically get men and women to a higher level of sexual pleasure and orgasm,” she says.

Babeland owner Claire Cavanah prefers “sex educator” because “that describes a good amount of what our employees do with our customers.” However, when it comes to her managerial mindset, she sees herself as a “retailer and a sex educator, in equal parts.” Former Babeland employee Tristan Taormino, who educates in person and on DVD, also prefers “sex educator.” “Some people call me a sexpert,” she says. “Both work for me. I think of a sexologist as someone who has a doctorate in sexology.

“There are certain organizations and media outlets who give preference to doctors, people with M.D.s, Ph.D.s, M.S.W.s or similar credentials. I am following the lead of people like Betty Dodson, who began teaching masturbation workshops and counseling women long before she got her Ph.D. I never claim to be a doctor, a therapist, or a sexologist. One of the first videos I ever saw was How to Female Ejaculate, where Deborah Sundahl was teaching a group of women how to ejaculate. It was an amazing piece of work, and I never once thought, ‘What are Deborah’s credentials to be able to teach this?’ It was clear she knew a lot about the subject, was passionate and inspiring. I am completely self-taught and schooled by other sex educators via their writing and classes.”

Ducky Doolittle is the type of sex educator Taormino was talking about. A former peep-show girl, dominatrix and nudie magazine model, Doolittle now finds herself in the spotlight as one of the nation’s top sex educators and the educational coordinator for For Your Pleasure. She’s trained with Planned Parenthood and is a certified sexual assault and violence intervention counselor. Doolittle teaches workshops in private settings and at public venues like the New York Museum of Sex.

She also worked at Babeland, eventually going from sex educator to lead workshop facilitator. That’s where she became the education coordinator, “building the workshop program and training others how to teach,” she says. “I never sought out to be a sex educator. It was just the natural path for me.”

Doolittle says her retail experience provided some of the best sex education she received. “Working at Babeland was one of the best training situations a budding sex educator could find themselves in,” she explains. “All day, you answer sex questions from random strangers. If they stump you, chances are there is someone else on staff who has the answer and who you can learn from.”

About The Workshops

Many stores offer workshops on everything from sex toys to kissing to pole dancing, BDSM and oral sex. While they’re not reinventing the wheel, successful stores can find unique ways to market their products. For example, Babeland offers “The Art of the Blowjob,” and Early to Bed calls its class “Men Below the Belt.”

Good Vibrations, which has the largest sex-education program of its kind-thanks in part to its prime location in Northern California’s Bay Area-doesn’t do private workshops or bachelorette parties, markets that the widening sex-education realm tends to appeal to. Still, Good Vibes does what many other sex shops do: outreach.

Cavanah, a co-owner of Babeland, also does outreach, such as teaching free workshops in places like the Gay Men’s Health Center. “Babeland has a core curriculum that covers a lot of sex basics and misunderstood topics, like becoming orgasmic, anal sex, the G-spot and ejaculation,” she says. “We are branching out into other kinds of events that are less education-oriented and more social, too.”

Which workshops are most popular varies based on locale. Good Vibrations, located in San Francisco, says male erotic-massage classes are among its most popular, while Denchasy, of Freddy and Eddy in Los Angeles, says “oral sex is, by far, the No. 1 topic, with G-spot close behind.”

Cavanah says Babeland’s fellatio and “how to please your man” workshops in New York, Seattle and Los Angeles are “sure sellers.” “I think they’re popular because a lot women lack sexual confidence, through no fault of their own,” she explains. “They want support and encouragement, and really do want to please their men.”

Queen and Lawrence launched the Center for Sex and Culture in 2004. In addition to workshop space, the center boasts a library and an archive, and, unlike retail shops, it is not limited to what it can teach or how explicit it gets. “If we want to do a fundraiser involving nudity (like our annual ‘Nude Aid’ art auction and giveaway) or explicit behavior (like the live ‘Masturbate-a-Thon’), we just go ahead and schedule it,” Queen notes. “Our classes include explicit couples’ classes, so, clearly, we can do things that an entity like Planned Parenthood can’t, but sex shops, too, often need to watch their P’s and Q’s so their community stays tolerant. Good Vibes draws the line at explicit behavior in classes, partly because its history makes it one of the very first places into which someone who was shy about buying sex products might venture.”

Class sizes also vary by retailer. Babeland fits up to 60 people in its workshops, Good Vibes keeps its numbers between 18-25 participants who sit in a circle, and Freddy and Eddy limits most workshops to 12.

In all cases, it seems the majority of participants are women, but Glickman sees the tides changing. “For men, there’s this idea that the real man always knows what to do,” he says. “Like we don’t want to stop and ask for directions, but now men are saying maybe they do want to stop and ask directions like ‘Where is the G-spot?’”

Sex-Ed On Screen

Sex education isn’t only in retail stores: It’s happening online and on DVD. Women like Ava Cadell, a self-proclaimed love guru and media therapist with a doctorate in human behavior from Newport University and a doctorate of education in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, continues to bridge the gap between mainstream sex and conventional sex education. Cadell’s Loveology University caters to teaching love coaching online and allows students to become master sexperts or certified loveologists. “If you have the desire to empower yourself, enrich your relationship or become a love coach,” she says, “then Loveology University will give you the knowledge and the tools to make your dream a reality.”

Loveology University offers virtual seminars (full-length sessions filmed in front of audiences), short instructional seminars and teleseminars (telephone conferences with hundreds of students on the line to ask questions). All of these lessons are learned from the comfort of one’s own home, a type of privacy that isn’t offered in most workshop settings.

Less interactive private sex-ed lessons also come on DVD. Taormino, whose educational video series was released in 2007, writes about sex in her Village Voice column, but she reaches a wider audience now that she also runs Vivid Ed.

The Sinclair Institute uses video and the web to help couples discover ways to improve their relationships and have better sex. The institute calls its Better Sex Video Series a sexual-health product and advertises its videos and other accoutrements in mainstream media. “Most interesting,” says Susan Montani, director of wholesale for Sinclair, “is that Sinclair has sold over 5 million of the Better Sex Video Series through mainstream vehicles like radio, magazine and catalogs.”

Each month, Adam & Eve sells 2,200 instructional videos like Nina Hartley’s guides and my Personal Touch video series, which also goes to show that the need to bridge the gap between the adult industry and sex education is growing.

Sex-Ed Beyond Now

Where is the future of sex education heading? Jessica Giordani, a co-founder of The Smitten Kitten, sees the future of sex-ed as an opportunity for improved customer relations and products. “It’s an opportunity for the public to hold their retailers to higher standards as they gain more knowledge,” she says. “I also see great opportunity for the adult industry to move away from the concept of ‘novelty’-and all of the physically and environmentally unsound practices connected to that-and place more value on the products that we produce and sell as to meet the consumers’ increasing demand for safe, healthy and smart products.”

Denchasy sees online sources like YouTube and WonderHowTo allowing a larger audience to acquire information on every conceivable topic that sexuality encompasses. “You will see the education and product sectors form working relationships to diverge from the dreaded ‘porn’ moniker, putting distance between education and titillation and thereby providing cover to editors and media owners to approve such content,” he says.

Whatever the future holds, one thing is certain: The time for sex education to merge with everything from adult novelty companies to mainstream porn manufacturers is now. And from the looks of it, the future is brighter than ever.

***

Thanks to Jamye for writing such a comprehensive and informative article!!!

Related Links:

Charlie Glickman’s blog articles

Read Dr. Carol Queen’s blogs

Tristan Taormino in the Village Voice and Pucker Up
Sinclair Institute

Masturbate-a-thon

Violet Blue

Betty Dodson

Female ejaculation and the G-Spot

The Center for Sex and Culture

Institute for Advance Study of Human Sexuality

Museum of Sex

Good Vibrations Policy Information

Customer Satisfaction

Who We Are
Good Vibrations Sex Ed Classes and online articles

OSSE (Off-Site Sex Ed) Program

Brookline Store After Hours Sex Ed Classes

Sex ed articles about sexual anatomy

Free Bachelorette Parties

Sexual Health and Product Info Articles

Bay Area (SF and Berkeley) After Hours Sex Ed Classes

GVTV Sex Ed Videos

DVDs and Books available at GV

Personal Touch DVDs

Violet Blue’s

Betty Dodson’s

Dr. Carol Queen’s

Tristan Taormino’s

Sadie Allison’s

The “Rabbit” vibe gained mainstream popularity from the tv show “Sex and the City”. It is one of the company’s best selling vibrators, partly because of it’s celebrity status, but also because it works for many people. The vibrating bunny ears are angled so they send vibrations to the clitoris when the long shaft of the toy is inserted. Many products offer a variety of speeds and settings, allowing for the user to discern which style they like best.

Sometimes called “Twice-as-nice” (you know, cause you get too great features out of the product) the toy comes in many styles, materials, and most importantly, colors — from pearly pink to lusty purple. Okay, I’m sorta kidding on the colors part, though people DO get VERY particular about their favorite colors!

I have heard from more than a few folks who like to twist the vibe, once inserted, towards their anus and have the rabbit ears tickle the backdoor opening. Sounds exciting. Don’t forget to clean your toys.

Now, the Egg vibes are also called Bullet vibes. (You can take your pick! If you like the Egg shape, if you dig shell covered food or the thought of ovaries turns you on, you can go with “egg”… if you think bullets are smoking hot and dangerously sexy, go with “bullet”). Whatever you call them, they are a round shape, and can be held against whatever body part feels good with vibrations (which is many! but includes the nipples, labia and clit, scrotum/taint, etc…) these vibes can also be used for minimal insertion (possibly deeper with vaginal sex if you have a string or secure way to pull it back out).

A couple of wise SESAs share that you can insert some small egg vibes into the cracks and crevices of toys (like many dildos that are made with holes at their bases) and others like the angelina and aneros which have bends in their design perfect to hold a vibrating friend. Bullet vibes also make cock rings more fun, adding vibration to the sensation.

One note is that it’s important to remember that it’s not safe to insert an egg/bullet shaped vibe into the anus — no matter how thick the cord is, it’s not a fail proof way to remove the toy, and it’s a surefire trip to the ER if you end up with a vibrating, battery operated accident.

It’s not everyday such popular toys are on sale, so get yours before they sell out! With the spirit of Easter egg hunts and this great picture my co-worker sent me below, go shopping!

http://www.goodvibes.com/ItEmSearch–search-spring–srcin-1

The ULTIMATE Peep Show! (Thanks Misty!!!)

As far as inspirational videos, however…  In mainstream porn, most films have nasty dialogue going on that you could take a line or two from.  What is easier to reccomend are the actors who are known for their spectacular slut-speak performances.  My favorites?  Tory Lane, Belladonna, Gianna, and Joanna Angel.  The are also a couple of male performers known to inspire dirty dialogue as well… off the top of my head I would suggest looking for titles with Manuel Ferraera and Nick Manning.  Some titles to help get you started:

1. Evil Pink (all-girl with Belladonna)

2. Strap Attack 5 (strap-on with Gianna)

3. Jesse in Pink (wall-to-wall with Tory Lane)

4. Aqua Erotic (wall-to-wall with Nick Manning)

5. Expert Guide to Anal Sex (sex-ed with Manuel Ferrara)

These videos should give you some good ideas, but sometimes we’re still a little shy when it comes to actually delivering those lines in the moment.

If you’re having trouble saying nasty things to your partner, try talking dirty to yourself first.  When you’re doing household chores practice delivering nasty one-liners louder than you actually would. That’ll make it easier to deliver them in a regular voice or a sultry whisper later on.  Try talking to yourself in the shower, hell your already naked and wet!  When you’re masturbating talk to yourself… Tell yourself what a nasty little whore you are, or how wet your pussy is, or how badly you want someone to smack your ass.  The important part here is to find out what turns you on.  Hopefully talking to yourself will help you find out what you inner slut sounds like… It’s kinda exciting, you don’t really know who you’ll be until you try it. 

Don’t kick yourself if you don’t like talking dirty… You can even just try verbalizing what you’re feeling to your partner.  This is the biggest reason people talk dirty in my opinion.  It’s a way to communicate your desires to your partner without making them feel as though they’ve been doing something wrong.  You can always try just telling your partner when you like something.  “That feels sooooooo good” sounds better than “Ooh.”

And a Sex Tip of the Day for you…

Next time you masturbate pretend you’re a porn star or a stripper or a domme.  Dress up, fantasize, and perform for yourself.  Talk to yourself or pretend to talk to a partner, you could even set up a camera and talk to that.  Pretending you’re someone else is a great way to find your inner slut.

So Nasty,

Red Delicious

Jesse Jane’s HUSH…  This film is directed by none other than Celeste.  Now I have to say that I’m not familiar with that much of her work but have heard many great things about her.  I rented HUSH for a couple reasons… Jesse Jane is fantastic, Jean Val Jean is smokin’ hot, and I wanted to see what Celeste was about because people often ask me about women-directed porn.  The verdict on this one is HOT HOT HOT!  The film is all in slow-motion, but not too slow that it keeps you from being able to jill-off but slow enough that it intensifies the interactions between the performers.  And the film is also shot in this gorgeous lighting which accentuates all the curves and folds of the performers bodies.  The standout scene for me was the first with Jesse and Jean Val Jean, the way they smack and tease eachother sends a whole heap of chemistry through the screen.  Beware though, if you like the sounds of sex, this movie might not be for you as all the scenes are set to music.

Dana DeArmond’s Rolemodeling… Um, brilliant.  I didn’t know amateur could get this good.  The premise of the film is Dana and her boyfriend, the phenomenal Daniel, choosing young hotties who wanna break into the porn scene from their MySpace ‘friends’.  Oh Dana and her MySpace, it is working.  Awesome crafty sets, a bumpin’ soundtrack, quirky cute Dana, and some hot lispy ladies make this flick probably one of my all time favs.  The standout scene, which my girlfriend still can’t shut up about, is between Daniel and Casper Vice.  All I can say is that their chemistry was infectious, and Daniel was blown away by the 18 year old’s performance.  He kept looking up at Dana, behind the camera, in excited disbelief.  He looked like a kid at Disneyland.  It was awesome!!!!!!!  I can’t wait for her to be in more movies.  If Dana was looking for the new Alt It Girl, she found her.

And Joanna Angel’s Girls Girls Girls…  So this is Joanna’s girl/girl directorial debut.  I have to say I was slightly aprehensive that it would have too much production value for an Alt film or it would be lacking the chemistry that a lot of pussy on pussy porn is lacking.  Oh man, I should have known better.  Joanna is a superstar.  This film delivered hot Alt babes, great sets and costumes, tons of fun-lovin’ pussy lickin’ chemistry, natural bodies, and HITACHI’s!!!!!!  When I saw them break out the Hitachi I knew Joanna was serious.  It guest stars in several scenes and there’s even a special feature scene with Pinky Lee and her Magic Wand, where she talks about why she loves it so much.  It’s just phenomenal!  In fact I think I need to rent it again.

Anyway, hope you can dig these reccomendations, they’re all awesome.  For now take theis advice as your Sex Tip of the Day:

 Watch the extra’s man!  Sometimes they’re boring but more often then not they’ll let you get to know the actors a lot better which can make watching them have sex with eachother even hotter.  Plus there are always bloopers which are funny and hot in a way that scripted scenes can’t always be.

Lovin’ the smut,

Red Delicious

And what better venue than the brand spanking new Sex-Lift.com. Talk about a ‘lift-off’, this budding website promises to be the go-to spot for all videos sex ed related. We heart them already. Check out (and sign up to comment!) our most popular sex ed GVTV videos at Sex-Lift.com. Look for our little GVTV logo.

Give them some love, and spread the word!

Then it came time to pick one.

It’s always a difficult to buy sex toys for another person, but especially so when you know very little about their sex lives – as is the case with my grandmother. All I really knew was that discretion was the primary concern, which narrows the field a bit. There are two possible routes for a discreet vibrator: something small and easy to hide, or something that passes easily for something else.

I considered briefly some of GV’s smaller vibes – maybe a Pulsing Passion to match my cousin’s? But this toy is easily identified as a vibrator.

I decided instead on something much larger, but in fact more discreet because it isn’t actually a vibrator, technically speaking: The Essential Coil, which is produced and marketed as a “massager.”

The images on the packaging of this toy display happy consumers enjoying its many different attachments on various parts of their bodies. (Oh, this feels fantastic on my scalp!) The images mimic the vintage-style women who appear on the boxes in our antique vibrator museum, cheerfully caressing their cheeks with massagers bearing such names as the “Explorer,” “Electreat” and “Kwikway.” The quick way to relax your cheek muscles, that is.

The Essential Coil was perfect for gran-gran! If anyone stumbled upon it, she need only tell the truth: “It’s a massager.” The packaging boasts better still: “7-in-1 home spa!” And though grandpa’s half-deaf, it doesn’t hurt that the toy is virtually silent in spite of the powerful kick for which electric vibrators are celebrated.

So I bought one and got to work on the rum cakes, which were now my cover – the rest of the family was to know nothing of this particular gift, which I would give to grandma privately. That is, with the exception of my cousin, who was also getting a vibrator, also in private – but who nevertheless cautioned, laughingly, against offering one to grandma: “I think it’s a bad idea!”

After the holiday flurry had passed, I made a special visit, hoping to get my grandmother alone. I expected that grandpa would say hi and then retreat to his privacy, as is his habit, allowing the opportunity for grandma and I to have a frank discussion about what the toy really is – in addition to a fantastic scalp massager.

Things didn’t go quite as planned. Grandpa had just begun cooking a meal as I arrived. So it was just me and grandma… with grandpa passing occasionally and unpredictably through the kitchen like a Mack truck at a blind corner. I set the gift at the table, hoping to wait for the right moment.

But grandma would allow no such thing. “What’s that?” she asked almost immediately.

“It’s your Christmas present,” I said, casually.

“Oh, how sweet! But you’re not supposed to get me anything… I’ve already had that delicious rum cake… boy, it was good… put me to sleep!” She allowed herself to be momentarily distracted by this reminiscence, but just as soon she returned to the subject at hand.

“Well, should I open it now?” she asked tentatively.

“Sure!” I answered with enthusiasm. This was no time to act suspiciously!

She unwrapped the paper happily while making playful remarks to my grandfather, standing two feet away, about how he hadn’t gotten anything. After freeing the package, she looked at it uncertainly.

“7-in-1 home spa…?” she read aloud, slowly.

“It’s a massager, gram!”

I held my breath and waited for her to suddenly get it and tactlessly shout, “Zoe! Is this a vibrator?”

But instead, she said, “Hey! This is nice! Wow! I’ve never had one of these! Will it work on my legs too? My legs have been sore lately.”

“Yeah, gram, it’ll work on a lot of places…”

She thanked me and I left it at that.

That evening, I recounted the story to my mother. “Do you think she’ll figure it out?” I asked.

“I doubt it,” she said. “Grandma’s a little sheltered when it comes to these things.”

“Well, I’ll tell her what it is during our next phone conversation. That’ll give her a month or two to experiment. But I think she’ll figure it out.”

After all, even if she’s never used a vibrator, when she removes it from it’s package and plugs it in, she will certainly recognize the function of the appliance as vibration. And surely, she will recall the risqué comments that she has heard about vibrators throughout her life. Then, one private afternoon while she is massaging those sore legs, curiosity will whisper in her ear, and she will tentatively press the toy to her genitals.

I believe that her being sheltered will not prevent this course of discovery from taking place. Indeed, it is in exactly this way that I discovered vibrators: as a sheltered 10-year-old, pressing a Hitachi-style massager against the crotch of my jeans and imagining a lover between my thighs until I shook with the intensity of my first orgasm.

I look up from my book and answer with a smile, “The Many Joys of Sex Toys.”

She recites a monologue of emotion:

Surprise: “What are you reading—a sex book??”
Exasperated disapproval: “Oh, Zoe! Why are you reading that!?”
And finally, curiosity: “Well, what’s in there anyway? What’s it about?”

“Well, gram, it’s a book about sex toys and creative ways of using them.”

“What—sex toy? Like what? What’s a sex toy?” She is flustered and speaks rapidly, loudly, but without anger, as she always does when processing an unfamiliar subject.

“You know, vibrators and—”

“So what does it say about… about sex toy?”

“Well…right now I’m reading about the G-spot—”

“The what-spot? G?”

“The G-spot,” I repeat, and ask sincerely, “Do you know what the G-spot is?”

The shrillness leaves her voice. She has forgotten herself.

“No. What is it?”

I explain to her the anatomy of the G-spot. “It responds well to pressure when you’re aroused. Some women really enjoy it.”

“And, … it’s inside?”

“That’s right”

“And… what do you…how do you… get to it?”

“Well, you could use your fingers, but a toy might work better, although really it depends on your anatomy.”

“Your anatomy?”

“I mean the way that your body is built. Everybody’s different so… some people might do fine with their own fingers, but other’s might need a toy, or someone else’s fingers, to reach their G-spot.”

My grandfather returns to the car, and my grandmother turns away sharply, like a child caught cheating in class: “Shh! Grandpa’s coming!—Don’t talk about it in front of him.”

However, they are largely conservative and occasionally sexist. Sexuality – my favorite subject of intellectual inquiry – is never discussed, unless privately between two people, and even then with hushed voices. In a group of three or more, the only mention of sexuality is the occasional x-rated quip, uttered exclusively by men. These are met with half-hearted disapproval that does not match the more severe disapproval that a sincere attempt at open discussion receives.

One year at Christmas, I gave to the above-mentioned cousin a book entitled Fast Girls: Teenage Tribes and the Myth of the Slut. This book explores the brutal slut labeling of girls that is rampant in high schools today. At age 15, she was old enough to be aware of (and hopefully to question?) this double standard.

“Oh, Zoe!” her father said to me reproachfully after reading the title, as though I had offered her an issue of Hustler magazine. “Did you get her a dirty book??” This is the same uncle who slipped condoms to my male cousins during a summer vacation a year later. My female cousin and I were never given condoms, though we were warned all our lives not to get pregnant.

“A dirty book?” I asked, perplexed. “No. It’s a study of the archetype of the slut as it exists the high school context.” Appeased by my gentle tone, but still disapproving, he muttered quietly along the lines of “Why would you get her that?” Meanwhile, the rest of the family sat silently in obeisance of taboo, neither expressing disapproval nor communicating discomfort.

I wanted, of course, to explain why I thought the book was significant or why it was silly of my uncle to disapprove, but I knew from past experiences that this would be futile. At best, they would avert their eyes and ask me not talk about it. At worst, they would each say the things they expected the others to expect them to say. For some members of my family, conservatism is sincere; for others, it is social protocol.

I believed that my grandmother would be receptive to a vibrator if given one discreetly, because she is, I believe, one of those for whom conservatism is largely protocol. I think this because of a private conversation that she and I once had—about the G-spot.