This lack of clarity isn’t only about faithfulness, either. I’ve known a number of women who consider almost any sexual activity with a woman to really be sex, but if it’s anything but intercourse with a penis-bearing person it’s not – and I hear there are men who don’t consider sex with men to be real sex. If you don’t have the bright clear line of “anything below the neck is off-limits” it can be really tricky to figure out. What are the lines that define “having sex”, as opposed to making out? Imagine a baseball game where a player could score a point by getting to third base if he was left-handed, or if he slid into home only to find out that it didn’t count because he was drunk. Contrary to what your local abstinence educator (or sex maniac) might tell you, our idea of what constitutes a home run is situational.

If you’re a dyke and a woman is going down on you, is that sex? What if it’s a man? What if she’s using a vibrator on you? What if it’s a strap-on? What if it’s a straight woman? Is that sex or making out?

If you’re a man having vaginal intercourse with a woman who is your wife, that’s probably going to be sex – but what if you’re getting head from a young man in the park? I bet your wife is going to call that sex. What if you repent on television later?

Is it sex if you don’t know the person’s name? If it happens in a car? If it can’t result in pregnancy? If you don’t spend the night?

And then there are lots of other activities people engage in for the purpose of getting off. What if you’re getting flogged fully clothed? Watching someone else have sex – “I didn’t touch!”, you claim. Dressing up as Sailor Moon?

Sorry, I have no answers for you, but I really like this question. In that spirit, I direct you to the Kinsey Institute’s “Had-Sex” Survey. Perhaps the power of statistics can sort this all out for us! I doubt it – but that’s just as well. Life’s more fun with gray areas.

Check it out. Cunts for Fags.

These classes are a hidden gem in this city. Carol and Robert are phenomenal teachers and have a wealth of knowledge between the two of them that is unmatched. I learn something new and great from them every time we have the chance to talk. I wanted to share with you the last few things I learned that left the greatest impression.

Lesson 1: For an easier time deep-throating your partner, lie face-up on a bed or sofa with your head hanging over the edge. In this position your partner can insert their cock into your mouth and the curve of your throat and their dick will be compatible. This will make it easier for you to take them further inside your throat.

Lesson 2:  If you and/or your partner are having trouble finding their inner sex persona, try starting from scratch.  Sometimes when we start feeling really comfortable in a relationship, things can get stagnant and we can easily forget what characters or activities are erotically charged for us.  Carol suggests scheduling a date with your partner, but as strangers.  Before hand decide when and where you’ll meet, and go from there pretending you’ve never met before.  This sounds fun even if your relationship hasn’t settled down yet.  Carol says this can bring out parts of yourself you’ve forgotten about or never knew of in the first place.  Who knows, perhaps the second time around you’re a snooty socialite submissive or a dominating teenage don juan.

Lesson 3:  On occasion, when trying something new in bed that’s super-charged for me I get an awful case of giggles.  I know I’m not alone in this.  And trust me I really want to be the corporate bitch who get’s shoved into place by her young assistant… but I just get nervous, and then it’s over and I start to laugh.  This is all theoretical, but really, I know a lot of us experience this in bed with our partners and always when it’s just getting to the good part.  Now, laughing during sex isn’t bad.  I hope we all giggle with our partners, but sometimes during role-play or certain activities it can take away from the experience or hinder someone’s ability to fully get into it.  So how to we get rid of the giggles?  Robert said first to talk about it with your partner(s) before hand.  Like, “Hey I’m really excited to do this scene but I think I might get nervous at some point. If I start laughing…” Robert also said that in the midst of playing if you get the giggles, sometimes it helps if your partner asserts some kind of touch or action that totally turns you on- a smack on the cheek, a firm grab of the crotch, a passionate kiss, dirty whispers into the ear.  This will likely bring you right back into the proper place and you can continue on your sexual adventure.

 Well, I hope you enjoyed these lessons as much as I did.  Remember, though, that you too are invited to these events and Carol and Roberts’ lessons are much more fun in person.  You can keep abreast of these events and others on our Community Events page.  We’d love to have you!

And lastly, your Sex Tip of the Day: Knowledge is power and prowess… Nothing is sexier than being a learned lover. So go ahead- get your school on!

Supremely skilled and still learning,

~*~Red~*~