Here are some of my favorite GV moments:

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Conversations with Margaret Cho

How fun was it to sit down with Margaret Cho and get to ask her about sexuality and celebrities? Pretty ***ing fun. I was totally nervous, but Margaret is really nice and after a little bit, I almost forgot there was a huge mic looming over my head. I edited out the part where we talk about my favorite topic, pit bulls, because I can go on and on when it comes to my dogs….
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Tara Alton’s E-Gallery

I had published some of Tara Alton’s erotica and came across her flickr page. What I saw there was utterly beautiful and delicious. Cupcakes and donuts and pie, oh my! I was super psyched that she agreed to be part of our E-Gallery. Check out the delectables (along with a short companion erotic piece) HERE!

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I read Daphne Gottlieb’s Why Things Burn before I worked at GV, and so when I had the opportunity to ask Daphne to write for the GV Weekly (and when she accepted), I was really excited. Daphne always writes about interesting topics, and I knew she’d bring her unique vision to the magazine. She did indeed. Her articles touched on such topics as erotic kidnappings, older women, penis size as seen from a queer woman’s view and having a book written about sleeping with her.

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I love when things come full circle. For instance, we sent Kathy Griffin a GV gift-basket when she hosted the GAYVN (Gay Video) Awards here in SF. Not only does she make a 5 second guest appearance in the GVTV episode (well, her back, actually) but her own show featured her opening the gift basket and “discovering” the toys inside. So, I blogged about the whole affair on the GV Blog (click HERE to read it). Well, Kathy Griffin’s people found my blog and emailed us and asked if they could put it on Kathy’s own site, in the forum section. And, the circle is completed!

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I have been reading Mark Morford’s writing for years…back in the day, I used to get the Daily Fix email…the highpoint of my morning. Morford had mentioned Good Vibrations in several of his articles, and I decided to take a chance, and asked him if he’d do an interview with us. He did, and as you’ll see, the dude is just funny. Every time I see a cock ring now, I think of his keychain…. (Read it HERE).

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Everyone loves Haikus, it’s true. We found out when we had a “Sexy Haiku” contest and received over 300 short and sexy submissions! The first place winner was:

YOU BROUGHT A DILDO
TO MY NEIGHBOR’S BARBECUE??!?!
(okay, where’s the sauce?)
– Isabel O’Rourke

Amazing, huh!? Read all of the winners HERE!

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Another one of my favorite contests was our Interplanetary Porn Writing Contest. Who knew that sexy aliens appendages and lubed-up astronauts could be so…hot? Well, ya’ll did. We received some really creative entries. You can check them out HERE!

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GVTV. Born from a scrapped commercial, we decided that video was a great medium to get our sex-positive mission out to the masses. So, we hit the streets, armed with educational fliers, a camera and some questions. The rest is history. GVTV has hit ONE MILLION views, on YouTube alone! We’ve sprinkled the videos on many video-hosting sites, so don’t be surprised if you come across a GVTV episode on your internet travels!

Here are some of my favorite episodes:

Good Vibrations Treasure Hunt Contest. “Hey JP, can you play a game-show host?” Besides being Sr. Director of E-Commerce and Merchandising, JP CAN play a game-show host! This contest was fun to create and even more fun to shoot. watch

Finding the G-Spot. I took my camera to the football field with me one fine Sunday morning and talked to some of my teammates and competitors about the G-spot. It was awesome!

GVTV Visits a Dildo Factory. I love the folks over at Vixen Creations…they were awesome hosts and we learned how to pull dildos. That, my friends, is a good day at work!

The Search for the Clitoris. I made (I mean, asked!) my coworker put on a safari hat and pretend to look for the clitoris in the park. And, the other part of the video is shot in a bathroom. Come on folks, that’s funny!

Cock rings! Holy cow, is this episode popular! It’s a runaway hit on YouTube. Funny thing is, one of my friends happened to walk up on the shooting of this video. He was kind enough to participate. It was a pretty awesome day…hanging out in the Castro, talking to folks about cock rings….

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GV Radio. “We’ve Only Just Begun”……

So far we only have two episodes under our belt, but GV Radio has the potential to be a great tool for educating and entertaining folks. Allison and I got to sit down and chat about celebrities and sex toys…and that was as fun as it sounds! Next up, Carol Queen sat down with the author of The Clitoral Truth, Rebecca Chalker, and they chatted about…what else? The Clitoris. You can see/listen to both episodes HERE.

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It’s been a crazy, fun ride ya’ll. Continue to enjoy the GV Weekly, GVTV, and now GV Radio, as Good Vibrations will always produce the very best in sex education, sex toys, events and all things sex-positivity. I know I’ll be bookmarking the web site, and going to the amazing events…I may just see you there!

Peace Out,

Judi B.

“I’m awake, I’m awake,” I say. “What time do you need me?”

My heart is pounding and my pulse quickens….I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time. It’s Friday June 29^th, and at 7:00 the True Colors Tour concert starts and I’m already so excited I don’t even want (and can’t fathom drinking) a cup of coffee. Now I find out that I get to deliver Good Vibes gift bags to the hotel where Cyndi Lauper, Margaret Cho, Erasure, Rosie O’Donnell, Debbie Harry, the Cliks and the Dresden Dolls are staying. Oh boy, what to wear, what to wear?!

We headed over to the hotel around noon. I didn’t want to get too excited—we were after all, just dropping off the gift baskets. Who knew if we’d even see anyone? It ends up we didn’t, but along the way, my coworker let me know that there was a chance that we could get backstage to say hi to GV Board Member Margaret Cho. I got goosebumps and looked at her with my mouth agape. Really? Really? Really? I said, or maybe I just thought it. Would Margaret remember that I was the hugest Cyndi Lauper fan ever? I had talked to her about it when we filmed our Conversations with Margaret Cho videos.

I went home and spent the next four hours getting ready. If tonight was the night I was going to meet my idol, everything had to be perfect.

It’s 6:43 and we’re standing outside of the backstage access area at the Greek Theater in Berkeley.

“The Margaret Meet & Greet is over,” they are telling us. We originally had thought it started at 6:45 but apparently that’s when it ends. My coworker works a little of her verbal magic, and the guy disappears, only to reappear a few seconds later to hold the curtain back for us to enter. Magic, like I said!

Margaret looks beautiful and we all say our hellos. At one point she looks at me and says, “you wanted to meet Cyndi, didn’t you? Let me get you Meet & Greet passes for that.” If my heart could sing, it would have busted out a very loud opera right that very second.

Instead I tried to look calm and said, “that’d be great, thanks.” We are given the passes and told to come back at 7:45. We try to act like normal people for the next hour.

While we wait, the Cliks and then the Dresden Dolls take the stage. Both are great. The lead singer of the Cliks furiously makes out with Margaret Cho as they leave the stage. It’s awesome….the whole place cheers. The Dresden Dolls come on wearing amazing make-up. A song or two into their set, Amanda stops to say a few words–and it went something like this…. “Thanks to Margaret Cho we received some gift baskets from Good Vibrations….Brian has himself a brand new prostate toy.” (the crowd cheers) “This next song is called Coin-Operated Boy but it’s not about dildos…”

Amazing! We are giddy and then before we know it, it’s 7:40.

Time to go.

We are standing in line next to my coworkers Carol Queen, Jack, JP and his boyfriend Nate. We are told that because there isn’t a lot of time, there is no time for autographs, just a quick meeting and a photo. We stand in a line for a few minutes, waiting for Ms. Lauper: enough time to chat with the great guys in front of us. They tell us that they just took the Queen Mary gay cruise. They also tell us that they got married, and instead of gifts they requested that money be donated to the Matthew Shepherd Foundation. It’s a great story, and they are adorable.

And then the time comes.

In a surreal moment, I’m walking towards Cyndi Lauper and her hand is out and my hand is out and I introduce myself. Sarah Joe is behind me and does the same. I turn to Cyndi and say, “We met because of you…and now we’re going to get married.” When I tell her this, she kisses me on the cheek. We take our photo and she turns to me and starts to wipe off the lipstick mark. “Oh, no, leave it…” I tell her. And then, because nerves give me a motor mouth, I continue… “And, my mother says to say hi. When I was younger I had posters covering my room and my mother always said, ‘I don’t know about that Madonna, but I sure love that Cyndi Lauper.’” Cyndi Lauper smiles and tells us to “have a great wedding.” My girlfriend hands her flowers, and it’s over and my heart is pounding and I have a grin on my face I can’t erase.

My face hurts with a smile twenty years in the making.

The rest of the concert was amazing. Erasure was fun, Margaret and Diana were great, Rosie was hilarious and then of course Cyndi was so many things—beautiful, amazing, sweet, powerful, poignant.

The tour leader, the visionary, the kind spirit that wanted to celebrate diversity and love and equality with music and voices….the singer that changed my life when I was 15 and felt so alone…so many things….

“There’s a store called Good Vibrations,” she said at one point, “Margaret Cho is on their board.” And then I think she said something else, but it’s all a blur and the crowd was screaming and she launched into She Bop and I started jumping up and down.

With all of the craziness of viral videos, the YouTube phenomenon, and visual assaults from web sites everywhere, good sex information can be hard to come by on the world wide web. Juvenile behavior and humor seems to be the rule in many cases, and judging from unmonitored comments on a lot of YouTube videos, everything is “gay” or everyone is “a fag.” Sigh.

Well, I recently did a little digging on the internet, and actually found some good educational content/videos, and I wanted to share!

Pull up a chair and get ready to for the show:

Have a doctor show you how to do a breast self-exam and a testicle self-exam! Dr. Chris Steele from TheFamilyGP.com has two videos on his site that show you how it’s done. And, he notes that the videos have been labeled 18+ on YouTube, and yes, I agree, that’s outrageous. Make sure to sign his petition to YouTube while you visit his site!

Check out this teen-made video that busts myths and shares facts about sex!
“Seniors majoring in Social Work from Western Kentucky University are telling teens the truth about sex. For a class project the students are producing a sexual education video called Let’s Talk About Sex. The video is meant to provide information on abstinence and safe sex practices to teens 13 years and older.”

The video is pretty great…complete with a “contraceptive expert” an “STD expert” and a “facts expert.” They take phone calls from listeners, show viewers how to put on condoms, and bust common myths people have about sex. GVTV takes its hat off to these young women…way to go!
Check out the video here!

Want to see some break-dancing with your sex-ed? This short commercial by Planned Parenthood Federation of Canada gives me just one more reason to think Canada is cooler than the U.S.. “Go penis! Go penis!”…..

This educational video was made before I was born! And, hello! It’s awesome! I also have to admit, I have 50’s fetish, and those glasses really do it for me. But anyway, this video (or at least the part I watched, which was the majority of it) is all about telling your kids the truth about sex. Crazy! “Curiousity is normal!” “Masturbation is not harmful!” “Help your kids develop a mature sense about sexuality”….These folks were WAY ahead of their time! And, as my coworker pointed out, if this video was made today, it would probably be banned or considered scandalous because the kid actors pretend to touch themselves. Have we learned nothing in the last 40 years?

Am I Normal?…that’s often on the mind of young people. Teenwire.com features a great flash animation that shows kids and teens that everyone’s genitals look different. Go to http://www.teenwire.com/, go to the “do” section and look for Animation: “Am I Normal: Behind the Fig Leaf.” Very cool.

The creepiest sex-ed video ever? That’s what a couple internet sites call this short video from the 70s. (scroll down the page a little bit). Though I don’t agree it’s the creepiest sex-ed video ever, I have to say..the acting is probably not the best. But ,the message is good….masturbation is normal!

And, don’t think for a minute that I forgot about my favorite sex-ed videos ever…our very own GVTV! Not to toot our own horns or anything, but I’m gonna toot our own horn: Toot! Launched last fall, GVTV has received over 800,000 views! People like fun and entertaining sex-ed, it’s true! I’m going to include some links below of our most popular videos…Cock rings, Oral Sex Tips and BDSM are our three top videos on YouTube right now. Keep your eyes open for more GVTV coming at you soon….we have lots of sex-ed to share with you! One million views, here we come!

I went on vacation. Jumped on a plane with my sweetie and went to a place far, far away. We were lucky enough to have been part of a friend’s birthday celebration. He grew up in Sydney, Australia, and invited friends to come celebrate his 40^th birthday with him, down-under style. With glee, we did.

Thus began our two weeks of bliss: A champagne-filled boat tour of the harbor, dinner at the Opera House, a trip to the wine country and the beautiful Blue Mountains, beaches and more beaches, bats in the park, feeding kangaroos, a trip to the local leather shop for a nice memento (it so happened to be Leather Week in Sydney!) and a tequila-soaked night of dancing at the clubs on Oxford Street. Last but not least, there was the vacation sex.

You probably know what I mean. You’re in a new place, a new bed, new sheets (and if you’re lucky they’re not white), with new neighbors you don’t have to meet, much less see daily. Your pets or kids aren’t on the bed. You can sleep in. Your cell phone doesn’t work. You didn’t bring your laptop. You’re relaxed and happy (if your vacation is going well; if you’re in an Open Water situation, probably not so much) and, most likely, reconnecting with your lover in a way you haven’t since your last vacation, or since you were first together.

I asked one of my coworkers if he thought “vacation sex” was different than “everyday sex” and he agreed:

“Yes, I think vacation sex is way different. If you’re in a couple, then being away from your regular haunts at different times is sure to add some spice to the event…maybe an opportunity to experiment. If you’re single, then being in a new place opens up all kinds of opportunities – meeting new people, setting up a whole new identity for the duration of your trip, trying something you’ve always wanted to but couldn’t get up the nerve, etc.”

I came across this posting recently by Amy Ziff that discusses not “vacation sex” per se, (although she does mention that Danny DeVito recently used that phrase when referring to staying in the Lincoln bedroom) but “procreate vacations” and “babymoons”:

“Though I get it, really I do. Women are having children at a later age, many while trying to balance careers, so getting away to relax and help things along makes sense. So do babymoons, which have generated lots of buzz for savvy resorts eager to pamper couples before their lives change forever, and they don’t have time to…well, you get it by now.”

I know I’m not breaking any new ground here; it’s a no-brainer that happiness and relaxation leads to better sex. I just want to remind everyone, especially those who haven’t taken a vacation in a while, that it’s important to leave your “normal” life sometimes. For me personally, this was hard, as I thrive on routine and stableness, but once I surrendered to vacation mode, and got onto that plane and trusted that my house and dogs would be okay in my absence, well…I breathed a bit deeper and felt more “in my skin” than I have in a long time.

In looking up “relaxation and sex” I came across this article. In it, the author Adam Khan discusses the benefits of profound relaxation, or the kind of relaxation that relaxes your mind and body. He also describes a basic technique to produce a “relaxation response.”

“You can help your children and your spouse and your friends and your co-workers be healthier, happier and have better relationships just by relaxing yourself…

Everything goes better with relaxation. Work. Relationships. Social interaction. Talking with children. Sex. Relaxation is good.”

So, if a vacation is not in your near future, and you’re feeling a little worn-down, stressed and non-sexual, this kind of relaxation exercise could be just the thing to help you breathe new life into your body, mind and sex life. I know that sounds a bit “woo woo” for me, but when I think back about how I felt, sitting on a beach in the sun, I am now a true believer in relaxation (and I promise myself that I’ll at least try these relaxation techniques). Relaxed sex is definitely good sex, no matter where you are!

As each day passes, my vacation memories get a little fuzzier and my “everyday” life edges back in a little bit more, and I find myself thinking, “was I really across the world, barefoot on a boat, drinking champagne just a few weeks ago?” And then I look at my vacation photos for the 20^th time and take a deep breath.

On a side note: for all of you travelers out there, keep an eye out for our new summer mailer, with great suggestions for toys to take with you! If you aren’t on our mailing list, you can sign up here!

My own personal pick for a summer trip? It has to be the Angelina. It’s the coolest toy I’ve seen in a while, and I see ‘em all!

I am probably America’s Next Top Model’s biggest fan. It’s pure brain candy and sometimes my gray matter just craves sugar, straight up.

So the other night I see that Tyra’s talk show is on, and the topic is “Real-Life Brokeback Mountain: Gay Cowboys.”

Cool, I think, gay cowboys! And though I am the only person left in America not to see the movie (I’m waiting to watch it on DVD on the laptop in bed), I want to see the real-life gay cowboys. Sidenote: I used to ride horses myself, and I guess you could say I was a baby-gay cowgirl who used to get crushes on the other girls…especially those in leather chaps. Yeehaw!

After the intro, Tyra brings out the main guest, a gay cowboy. She jumps right in, asking him when he knew he was gay. Unfortunately this guy keeps saying, “I knew something was wrong….” Tyra says something like, “wrong, like emotionally wrong?” Okay everyone, can you please stop saying “wrong”? This show isn’t off to a great start, I think.

And it only gets worse.

The cowboy’s partner comes out and sits next to him, however at this point Tyra starts to focus on the fact that the gay cowboy was once engaged. Hi, remember his partner sitting next to him? Well, Tyra doesn’t. She plunges head-on into the questioning….such as “And were you just confused at this point?” and “How did she feel when she found out you were gay?” and “Was she really hurt?”

Wait, I thought this show was supposed to be about men-loving cowboys, and suddenly Tyra is in full-on hetero zone. So, the guy was engaged once because, hello, everything in this world pressures homosexuals to not be homosexuals….why can’t Tyra get this, and let it go?

“Your ex-fiancée is here with us,” says Tyra, and brings out the woman. She sits on the other side of the cowboy, and they hug. They make it clear that they are still friends, and the woman announces that she is now married, but Tyra is steering this boat, and she’s not done with this trip.

“How did you feel when he came out…did you feel like something was wrong with you? Did you feel inadequate?” These kind of questions are pouring out of Tyra’s mouth, as she sits forward on her interview chair. The woman handles it pretty well…if Tyra was rubbing my back and making her “concerned face” at me, I’d probably break-down…just because.

By this point, the cowboy’s partner has been banished to the audience. The gay cowboy must now endure sitting on the couch with his ex-fiancée while Tyra harps on what it was like for her to find out her man was…gasp…gay.

I understand that this was part of Brokeback Mountain and that the movie explores how being in the closet effects others, especially spouses and partners…but hey, didn’t it also address the relationship between the two men in love? Well, so far, Tyra’s show hasn’t touched the fact that our cowboy on the couch has a life with his partner. That part seems to be “unimportant”. What a great message to send to her viewers.

When the next couple comes out, she starts in again.

“I’ve known I was gay since I was 10,” says one of the cowboys, who grew up in a very small rural town in the mid-west.

“But you got engaged?” asks Tyra.

NOT AGAIN, I scream at the T.V. Come ON Tyra, have you ever heard of homophobia? Societal pressure? Can you please just talk about them as a couple, as gay men, as gay cowboys who live together on a ranch and ride horses? (I don’t expect her to talk about them riding each other). Hey, yeah, I want to hear about their horses! WHERE ARE THE HORSES IN THIS STORY?

At this point I start to get the feeling that maybe Tyra is getting some kind of personal satisfaction in berating gay cowboys for “leading women on” and can’t help but to wonder if she, perhaps, had a similar experience. Maybe she dated a pretty-boy supermodel that later left her for a boy with a better booty? Or is she secretly in love with judges Ms. Jay and Jay from America’s Next Top Model? I don’t know.

I take a look at her website (http://tyrashow.warnerbros.com/) and on the “Be a Guest” page I notice that there is a trend here:

The Tyra Banks Show – Be a part of the show …ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH A GAY MAN? Are you or is someone you know in love with a gay man? Are you or someone you know suspicious that their man might be gay? Has your man recently come out to you and told you he’s gay?

The Tyra Banks Show – Be a part of the show WOMEN WHO LOVE GAY MEN Are you a woman whose (sic) always falling for gay men?

Well, it looks like Tyra is looking for more dramatic “women duped then dumped by gay men” stories, doesn’t it? Has she really run out of past ANTM girls to interview, make-over, analyze and question about their sexuality?

Tyra, you advertised a show about gay cowboys-but the TV guide really should have read: The Dumped Fiancées of Gay Cowboys. And actually, why even mention the “cowboys” part-the show didn’t focus on cows or boys. Boooo! ]]> http://magazine.goodvibes.com/2007/05/17/whats-up-tyra-threatened-by-gay-sexuality-much/feed/ 0 http://magazine.goodvibes.com/2007/05/09/the-evolving-masturbator/ http://magazine.goodvibes.com/2007/05/09/the-evolving-masturbator/#comments Wed, 09 May 2007 23:30:23 +0000 Allison http://magazine.goodvibes.com/2007/05/09/the-evolving-masturbator/ By Guest Editor: Allison G.

Allison explores the glory that is masturbation, and why getting in touch with your body isn’t so bad after all.

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There is so much to love about masturbation. It teaches us about our bodies and forces us to pay attention to our needs. It’s completely universal and yet so deeply intimate that we have to guard it, mock it, degrade it, sneak it, lie about it, applaud it and deny it, sometimes all at once. There is no other physical act that rivals this effect on such a purely individual level.

When the topic arises with my friends, they always snicker when I tell them I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t masturbate. Of course, I didn’t know what it was at the time, but I did know that when I would lie in my bed over a pillow or a balled up corner of my sheets and rubbed, it felt good. Really good. And while I don’t remember ever getting caught or spoken to about it, I did know that this was not something I could do in front of my parents. This was something special, something just for me that made me feel good and helped me get to sleep.

Later, when I realized that this was something practically everybody did, but each in their own unique way, it struck me as completely delightful. Knowing that everyone had a secret just like mine and that any random person walking down the street was capable of experiencing that same tingly, giggly goodness climbing up their spine seemed like the most organic and wonderful product of nature I could think of. I still feel that way.

That being said, I have of course had my moments of doubt, embarrassment and shame when contemplating my need to please. Despite my best intentions, when enough people are shouting that your favorite past time is disgusting, immoral, sinful, etc., it can start to get to you. And maybe at times like these you start thinking, Oh, what if they’re right? What if this is hurting me somehow? What if this prevents me from finding a satisfying lover or turns me into some crazed sex addict? This is when we as a society need to start evolving, emotionally as well as physically, one masturbator at a time.

Getting yourself off is a gift you give to yourself. It can lower your blood pressure, settle your nerves, get out some frustrations, and even burn a few calories. The truth is you don’t need a great reason to masturbate. You can do it because you feel like it, because you’re bored or stuck in traffic, it doesn’t matter. Your sexual pleasure is a birthright, and that is reason enough.

Besides the health benefits and the high satisfaction rates, pleasuring yourself doesn’t spread diseases, it doesn’t hurt your neighbors or pollute the environment, it doesn’t cost any money, and it definitely doesn’t turn you into a sex addict or prevent you from being satisfied by a lover. In fact, the more you masturbate, the more you learn about what your body does and doesn’t like. And the more you know about yourself, the more you can communicate your sexual wants and needs to someone else, hence resulting in better sex.

Learning is a process that never stops because each day we are growing and finding new and amazing parts of ourselves to explore mentally, physically, and emotionally. As we continue to grow we can give in to what other people think we should and shouldn’t be doing with our bodies or we can make up our own minds, find what is right for us, and maybe even have some pretty fantastic experiences along the way.

Fortunately sexual revolutions are happening all around us, everyday, pushing that evolution ever forward. For starters, May is National Masturbation Month (now we get a whole month devoted to loving our bodies!), and Good Vibrations along with the Center for Sex and Culture will host their annual Masturbate-A-Thon, which besides being possibly the most fun you’ll ever have raising money, also helps keep sex-positive programs up and running for all of us to enjoy. Personally, I can’t think of a more satisfying way to help spread the love than by starting with yourself.

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Allison G. received her MFA in Creative Writing in 2006 and is thrilled that Judi let her guest edit the GV magazine while she is on vacation.

So, when I received a postcard in the mail telling me it was once again time for a gynecologist visit, I cringed. My heart started pounding and my mind raced. How long could I put it off?

“What’s that?” my girlfriend asked, and reached for the postcard. “Oh, you’re going,” she said, “And I’m going to make the appointment for you.”

“Fine,” I said, “but don’t tell me when it is until it’s almost time to go.” She agreed. All I knew was that it was “sometime in April” and I did a pretty good job of putting it out of my mind until April came around.

The day inevitably came; I just wanted to get it over with, and I found myself dressed and ready to go early. I sat on the couch, popped a few of the herbal anti-anxiety pills a friend had given me, tried to breathe and pet my dogs. (That really does help!)

Fast forward an hour, and there I was, sitting on the table in the paper “gown” that consisted of a paper vest that opened in the front and a paper “skirt” that I had to keep tucking under my butt. After waiting for about 10 minutes, I cursed myself for not grabbing a magazine before I sat down. But, it was too late, and I knew the minute I’d stand up and reach for that Elle Décor, the door would open and my bare behind would be welcoming the doctor into the room.

So, there I sat, memorizing the room, my feet freezing. I noticed that there were oven mitts over the ends of the stirrups and wondered if I should just lie down and slip my feet inside them, but figured that would be really weird if the doctor came in and I was already “in position.” So, I sat some more. I worked on my posture. I looked at the baby pictures on the corkboard (babies the doctor had obviously delivered). I closed my eyes and pretended I was in a movie. I thought about my upcoming vacation. And finally, the door opened.

The doctor was about my age. Her glasses were stylish, and I have to say, when I saw her I took a deep breath and knew it’d be okay. I felt like I could talk to her, and so I did.

I let her know about a bad experience I had with a prior doctor. It involved being verbally diagnosed with HPV, years ago, when actually the test came back to show I was negative. (And, so here I was for a week, thinking I had “something called HPV”…which nobody was really talking about yet.)

The same doctor, who was not my regular nurse practitioner, also yelled at his assistant quite rudely, and said some really inappropriate things that made me uncomfortable. This was all while my feet were in the stirrups, mind you. He went on to talk about a possible cause of HPV stemming from an anti-miscarriage drug some women used in the 60s-70s, and how ironic that was, seeing as I was adopted and all. I kid you not. This doctor was basically saying, how strange it was that maybe I was a wanted baby after all, even though I was being put up for adoption. It was surreal, and though I vowed to write a letter to complain, I never did, as I was just relieved that my test came back normal and I never had to go back to that doctor again.

Anyway, back to my current visit; the doctor listened to me, and answered a lot of questions I had. In the last few years, my body has gone through several changes, and we talked about what it’s like to enter the late 30s. Everything I asked her about was met with an explanation about what happens when women get older and hormones start changing. It was comforting to hear that some things that may not seem “normal” are perfectly “normal.”

We also had a great chat about menopause, as I asked her questions for a project I’m working on for GV. I told her where I worked, and it was nice to hear her say, “Oh yes, I refer people to Good Vibrations all the time.” We talked about lube, libido, cramping, spotting, hot flashes, sleep deprivation and more. I left the doctor’s office with a sense of satisfaction, happy with myself that I faced my fears, and happy to have some additional knowledge under my belt.

So, what’s the point of this story, you may be asking. Well, I’m here to say, that if I survived a visit to the doctor, anyone can. If you’re afraid of the doctor like I am, it may just be that you need one good experience to start chipping away at the fear.

If you don’t like your doctor, by all means, arrange to get a new one. What a difference a little human contact and communication can make.

And, when that postcard comes again in a few years, though I might feel a little anxious, I will think about the oven mitts, and call the doctor to make the appointment myself.

Well, if you haven’t, let me give you the quick lowdown:

Olive F. Watson is the granddaughter of the I.B.M. founder and daughter of the company’s chief executive. In 1991 Olive adopted her lover of 14 years, Patricia Spado, in order to qualify her as an heir to Ms. Watson’s estate. They broke up. It’s 2007 and Spado has a claim, saying that she is eligible for a share of the trusts.

Got all that? As an adopted lesbian, I am quite intrigued by this story. But let me qualify, I was adopted as a baby, and not as an adult by a lover for a share of a fortune.

Anyway, there are a couple things I’d like to address here.

First, adult adoption is not a new concept. According to About.com, one of the reasons for an adult adoption is “A way to create a legal inheritance rights within a relationship.”

And, Adoption.com says, “Adult adoption was quite a common occurrence during the ancient/classical periods to carry on a dynasty, occupation, or family name; to care for a parent in old age; or to protect property rights.”

But what about the trust lawyer who says that the law was not intended for same-sex partners?

“The purpose of adoption is to foster a parent-child relationship, not a sexual relationship,” he says.

Obviously, he’s missing the point—it’s an adult adoption and they didn’t adopt each other for the purpose of a sexual relationship, they did it for legal inheritance reasons. Hello!!!

So, what’s all the fuss? Well, the fuss is that the adult adoptee and adopted are lesbians, and since they couldn’t get legally married, they used adoption as a way to create a legal bond to share inheritance. Ohhh! Scandal!

Adult adoption for inheritance is not a new thing, but the drama involved is about homosexuality. Uh, does it smell like homophobia in here?

But, why shouldn’t gay people use the legal system however they can to get benefits only afforded to straight, married people? As an adopted person, I do have to wonder what this kind of radical movement would do to the adoption system, and if there would be a backlash against gays adopting, period. But, as a gay person, I’m all for creative means of finding legal ways to create the bonds that straight people are offered through marriage.

The first question a friend of mine had when he read the news story was, “isn’t that incest?” which brings up a whole other question.

So, looking up definitions of incest, I see that for the most part, they focus on marriage.

For instance: Sexual relations between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal or forbidden by custom.

And since gay people can’t be legally married, uh, what does that mean?!

Wow, this is complicated. And on that note, my head hurts and I need to go watch more episodes of Footballer’s Wives. Have you seen this show from the UK? Talk about scandal! So far there’s (I’m still on season one) been an attempted murder, a model set on fire, a nurse messing around with someone in a coma, and too many affairs to count.

I’m just waiting for an episode about rich lesbians who adopt each other….

Judi B. is a sucker for American lesbian adoption scandals and British television.

I am seriously about to dye my hair orange and shave one side….I am that happy! What could get me this giddy, you ask? Is the pit bull convention in town? Or maybe the tattoo parlor is having a half off sale? No, and no (though a girl can dream). I’m so happy because I have an incredibly wonderful girlfriend who scored us tickets to the best concert ever.Everyone here in my office here is probably tired of hearing me talk about my love for Cyndi Lauper, but I’m afraid that they really haven’t heard nuttin’ yet! And that’s because the True Colors Tour is coming to town!

Let me break it down: Cyndi Lauper, Erasure, Debbie Harry, the Gossip, the Dresden Dolls, the Misshapes and (GV Board member) Margaret Cho….on one stage on one night….in support of gay rights during Gay Pride month?

Someone please wake me up. Wait, don’t…because I like this dream!

When I was 14, I saw Cyndi Lauper in concert for the first time. I knew nothing about her politics and beliefs, but her music spoke to me….as a fellow “weird” girl. Who knew I’d grow up to be queer and she’d be one of the most vocal gay rights supporters in our country?

The True Colors Tour is Cyndi Lauper’s brainchild and is her way to say thanks to the gay community for their support throughout her career. It’s also a celebration of values and freedom for everyone, regardless of sexuality. A dollar from each ticket goes to the Human Rights Campaign, an organization that fights for equal rights for the GLBT community.

That being said, my Friday night before SF’s Pride weekend has been booked. Five hours of my favorite music, surrounded by people who support equal rights for people no matter what their sexuality is….I’m teary already.

And, on that note, I dug up a little something I wrote a few years ago about my first Cyndi Lauper concert.

I hope you enjoy it….

1984

My friends were metal-heads. I liked Quiet Riot enough, but that was about it. Oh, and Def Leppard. I liked that song, Photograph, and would sing, “Look what you’ve done to this rock’n'roll clown” over and over. My friend Amy and I had bought Def Leppard Pyromania Tour shirts at Hastings Records that summer, and her mother had taken a picture of us in them, on her back porch, with their dog Princess. Princess looked like Lassie, but she was really fat.

The sound was like pure sugar. Bubblegum. Sweet tarts. Tangy Taffy. And I loved it. The boops and bops were pure girl, and unbeknownst to my friends, I was a baby dyke in the making, and wanted every little piece of girl anything in my life, especially if that girl was considered weird, punk, and unusual. Cyndi was all that….cute but not traditionally beautiful, and strange, and her songs touched something in me I didn’t even know what to do with. It all stayed inside.

I went to the record store, without my friends, and bought the tape. I put it into my yellow portable tape recorder, and it never came out. Not all summer. The song names were eventually rubbed cleaned from my greasy fingers consistently flipping it. The yellow radio didn’t even have an auto reverse. I listened to Witness about ten times every night. “You’re sorry now. And you’ll change some how–And I am what you need to get out, but–I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be a witness.” This song made me cry, even though I didn’t really understand what she didn’t want to be a witness to.

“So, will you go with me?” I asked Amy. Amy and I had been best friends since kindergarten, and even though my family had moved the summer before 6th grade and we had gone to different middle schools, we were back together in the same High School. We had remained friends those three years, her mother driving me out to my house “in the country” to ride horses, my mother driving me “into the city” to go bowling and to movies. We had drifted apart enough to notice, but not enough to talk about it. I desperately wanted her to go the concert with me, as I had no one else to ask. I knew she’d rather go see Ratt or Cinderella or Bon Jovi, but I wore her down and she agreed. My mother bought the tickets, and I went to my room, locked the door, and listened to my tape for the 3490th time.

We stood in line outside of the Kiva Auditorium. I was nervous and excited and completely in awe of the crowd that was forming outside. There were girls. Girls. Girls my age and older, with cropped and dyed hair, torn plaid skirts, and rubber bracelets stacked up to their elbows. I didn’t even know these kind of girls existed, and here they were, all around me, here to see my favorite singer in the whole world. In that one moment, I felt like I was okay. Not quite cool, with my Forenza button down shirt and matching sweater, but that there was a future for me. I took it all in, in deep breaths, and exhaled my old self.

She stood above us and looked out into the audience. I was there. Right there. I could see someone grab at her bracelets, and manage to get one lose. I reached down and took off my rhinestone pin, shaped like a squared off bow, and threw it on stage. The thought of someone picking it up later and delivering it to Cyndi thrilled me. I jumped up and down, forgetting everything and everyone… forgetting that my friend Amy thought that the girls with orange hair were weird, forgetting that I felt unattractive and sad and strange, knowing I wasn’t like my friends, but not sure why. I looked up at Cyndi, in her blue and green Converse, and matted multi-colored messy hair, and her lipstick that was the color of the New Mexico summer sky. I looked up at her, and saw myself. And my eyes teared up as I sang along.

All through the night, stray cat is crying so stray cat sings back, all through the night.

Judi B. and her wife-to-be met (twice) because of Cyndi Lauper. It’s a long story, but a good one.

By now I’m sure you’ve all heard about Tim Hardaway and his very public rant about “hating” gay people. Well, guess what? I hate too. I hate what has happened lately regarding sexuality and sports. Seriously, wtf is going on?

Here are some key elements of Hardaway’s public “speech:”
• I hate gay people
• I let it be known
• I don’t like to be around gay people
• It shouldn’t be in the world, and the United States

But you know what’s even worse? That same person pretending they didn’t mean it.

“I don’t hate gay people,” Hardaway said. “I’m a good-hearted person. I interact with people all the time. … I respect people. For me to say ‘hate’ was a bad word, and I didn’t mean to use it.”

That’s right, pour salt in the wound and massage it around, then add some bleach. Pretend you made a mistake, and didn’t mean for your venom to fly out of your mouth and into the heads of young, impressionable kids who may look up to you. Consider it bad judgment and then claim to respect people. That’s right, put the car in reverse at 60 mph….see how well that works.

Screeeeeeeeeech!

And then, of course, there were the Snickers commercials that aired during the Superbowl. I believe I was on my way to my kitchen for a Buffalo Wing refill when it came on.

You’ve probably heard about it, if you didn’t see it: Two guys accidentally kiss (aka, touch lips) while both are trying to eat the same Snickers bar at the same time. Then, because they are appalled and disgusted that they have “kissed” they start doing “manly” things (like ripping out their own chest hair and drinking motor oil) to counteract that “gay kiss.” In an alternate version, they actually start hitting each other with a wrench, and one closes the car hood on the other one’s head.

Hello! What kind of marketing team sat around a table and thought this was a good idea? I’d like to know!

I can see it now:

Overpaid Marketing Exec #1: “You know what I think will really speak to our audience? Homophobia! They’ll find it hilarious!”

Overpaid Marketing Exec #2: “Ha ha ha, good idea! Picture it now….families gathered around the television for the nation’s biggest televised sporting event, seeing a depiction of simulated homosexuality and then panic, disgust and violence as the response! Brilliant!”

And then…to top it off, Snickers also decided to video tape actual football players from the NFL watching the commercial, to get their reactions on camera. They aired these on their web site.

“That ain’t right,” one player says. A second player crinkles his face into absolute disgust as the guy’s kiss. The interviews with the players reacting to the gay kiss continue on and on. These are role models for kids, and they’re telling America’s kids, and rather scary adults, that two guys kissing “ain’t right.” (click link above for source).

Uh, cool. Look at those men making horrified faces at the thought of two men kissing. Can someone tell me again how this relates to a chocolate bar?

And another question: Isn’t there a commercial approval process? Did these people actually think it was okay to air? Well, looks like they did, doesn’t it?

So, it ends up that the Snickers folks pulled the ad campaign when several groups condemned the ad (such as the Human Rights Campaign and GLADD—Gay & Lesbian Alliance Again Defamation) and issued the following statement:

“We know that humor is highly subjective and understand that some people may have found the ad offensive. Clearly that was not our intent,” Masterfoods said in a statement. “As with all of our Snickers advertising, our goal was to capture the attention of our core Snickers consumer.”

I can’t even comment on the stupidity of that statement, really. Oh wait, I guess I can. I know a lot of people that like Snickers, and not one of them is an intolerant homophobe. Maybe Snickers *thinks* that their core consumer is the intolerant homophobe….hmmm. Do I really want to buy another Snickers bar, ever?

And, it also ends up that Hardaway was punished by being pulled from NBA activities. Don’t you just HATE when that happens, Tim?

To end on a lighter, happier note, my coworker sent me this “best gay commercials” link and I wanted to share.

And now I must go drive my Nissan to pick up some Absolut before I catch my Virgin Atlantic flight.

See, advertising works!!

By sure coincidence, Judi B. appears in the same issue of The Advocate as John Amaechi (the NBA player who came out).