Good Vibrations Magazine » Severina

Negotiating a Fantasy

Severina — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 17:21:08 +0000

When it comes to finding goodies to spice things up, you can look no further than Good Vibrations. Of course if we don’t have what you are looking for, we will give you ideas on where to find it! Let’s say you are on the hunt for the perfect naughty accoutrement, you score big; find a pair of leather restraints, a hot movie, and some edible oils. Take them home to surprise that special someone, you whisper seductively in their ear, “Let’s play” and they… change the subject. Bravely you might pretend you never suggested stepping outside the established boundaries, never bring up the subject again.

Sounds unfulfilling doesn’t it? I hear similar stores to this all the time. One person wants to bring in something new. The other might be interested but is shy or not comfortable talking about intimate details. Confrontation is scary, opening yourself up to rejection could be terrifying, but you aren’t going to get what you want without putting yourself out there a little bit. How does one go about this?

I suggest to the people that come in to our store to bring their reluctant partner and let the muse flow into them naturally. Our staff is always happy to suggest toys, movies and books that might be fun to try. Of course, this doesn’t always work for a few reasons. Sometimes they may be too shy even for a short tour. Other times they may live in another state, or in the following anecdote, another country.

A new friend I made recently asked me for advice on how to get her boyfriend to try out some fantasies. I suggested sharing fantasies in bed and taking turns trying them out. She had attempted this with her boyfriend but he swore he had no fantasies. Hmm, what else could work? After all, it’s hard for me to imagine there isn’t a little something different he is at least curious about. She explained to me that he is a bit shy in talking about sexual matters, using his French nationality as a reason for this. According to him, in France, sex shops are shameful and something you go to dressed in disguise. I was sorely tempted to suggest using this as a role play scenario… If he didn’t live in France I would have offered them a tour of Good Vibrations. This is definitely the place to dispel such notions. I thought hard for a few minutes. I have read a few books on the subject, a few that come to mind instantly are Exhibitionism for the Shy by Dr. Carol Queen and The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys by Violet Blue as well as her latest, Fetish Sex. These books are wonderful resources as well as books filled with ideas to try.

My suggestion to her and to the rest of you out there looking to spice things up or try something new: Make a list!

That’s right, make a list and check it twice. Right down everything you can think of, or buy a couple of the books I suggested for new ideas. Make sure you write down what you are actually willing to try as well. After all, this is the first part of a negotiation. Then give this list to your lover and tell them simply to check off what sounds like fun and add anything you may have forgotten. Trade the list back and forth; pick a favorite, a second choice, and substitutions are perfectly reasonable. This may be just the icebreaker you are looking for.

Why no handcuffs?

Severina — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 17:36:15 +0000

A very common question I get when I am working is “do you have handcuffs?” I never reply with a simple no. I tend to go into a brief explanation of why we don’t and what alternative we offer. This question of handcuffs is so frequently heard it has got me to thinking about why the fantasy of handcuffs is often times thwarted by the reality. Handcuffs can tighten as one pulls against them. More than likely if you plan on using restraints, you plan on pulling and writhing against them. The stress that these hard metal cuffs place against the wrist or ankle joints can be both painful and dangerous. Cutting off the circulation to body parts for an extended period of time can result in nerve-damage, or worse. It is similar to the warning we give first-time cock ring users. Sometimes this explanation is satisfying, other times not.

I get the appeal, I really do. Not only is the idea of you or your loved one bound and restrained very sexy but it comes with the extra naughty notion that police officers use handcuffs on bad people. Haven’t we been playing cops and robbers since we were little kids? Who hasn’t tied up their best friend in a chair and interrogated them for an hour? That isn’t just me right?

Okay, so here is where fantasy can mix with reality. We have super sexy restraints made of leather, sometimes fuzzy on the inside and always a backup accessory to go dancing at bondage a-go-go. Don’t like leather? Are you vegan or just plain prefer man-made materials? We also have restraints made of felt or neoprene (a spongy, machine washable material). Maybe this is just a gag gift that may actually be used later on. The felt Cuff Loves are pretty cheap at 12 bucks a pair. Come on, give it a try. You just might like it…

The Cuff Love

Leopard Restraints

From Ultimate Guide to Sex & Disability to Liberator Shapes

Severina — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:47:53 +0000

Recently I had begun reading the Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. I am always eager to read a book on sex, and those for special needs always interest me. This one was exceptional. I suppose I have known for a long time that those with disabilities also enjoy sex. Of course they do! It just amazed me the variety of topics the book covered, everything from how to deal with pain, to sex toys, to S/M(when you might want to feel a little pain). The importance of realizing that even with a disability, chronic pain, or illness it is possible to feel sexy and have a positive self-image is crucial! It is necessary as a sex educator/sales associate to be sensitive to the needs of a variety of clientele. I feel it is important to carry items such as these and other products to help benefit those with restricted mobility.

One product we carry that I think is excellent is the Liberator ramp and wedge. It eases the possible discomfort of many different positions and opens up a range of possibilities to spice things up for people of a range of physical abilities. Maybe you just have sore knees, or weak wrists, or simply want a pillow that does not slip; these sturdy foam pillows give you options. And who doesn’t appreciate a few more options?

Not everyone is aware of the many uses of the Liberator. I was assisting a young couple at our video rental counter. She was paying and he was looking around at our displays. The excitement is his voice was palpable, he had discovered our Liberator wedge. He implored her to try it with him but she was having none of it. She scoffed at the idea that anyone would need it, that they should just simply get on their knees. I was taken aback at this, wondering how anyone could not realize there are various ranges of ability and we don’t all fit in one simple mold. Her partner was disappointed, and joined her at the counter. I felt I missed my moment to explain the uses of the liberator but to make up for that I want to share it with all of you. The ramp and wedge are useful and beneficial and opening ourselves up to the possibility to try something new is rarely a bad idea.