Tantric sex tempts both men and women with its promises of physical pleasure and deeper romantic intimacy between lovers. Boasting articles in national magazines such as Playboy and celebrity practitioners such as Sting, the increased popularity of Tantra is bringing out a kind of sex-positive spirituality for the 21st Century. The ancient practice is perfect for the modern couple seeking greater intimacy and a more intense sexual connection — or for the single person looking to profoundly increase his or her erotic understanding and pleasure.

“Tantra is a way of getting back to a true sacred union between male and female energy,” says Susan Pence, a Bay Area sex educator and longtime Tantra devotee. “Where that comes through is in breathing, and in energy work.” Pence says that in Tantra, the “energy work” takes the form of learned techniques to increase concentration, focus, intention, and awareness of the physical body. The related breath work involves centering one’s attention with certain breathing rhythms — in techniques similar to those used in meditation or in such physical practices as Hatha Yoga.

Many Tantric practices and exercises can be done alone, and then integrated with partnered sex if and when the time comes. The center of Tantric practice is the openness to pleasure and intimacy and, therefore, the union with the divine.

The best place for a potential Tantra practitioner to start is with a book, class, or audiotape. The increasing popularity of Tantra means that classes are readily available in almost any metropolitan area. If the idea of learning about intense spiritual and sexual topics in a room full of others makes you uncomfortable, some Tantra teachers offer women-only classes or, for a greater expense, individual tutoring. Books like Ecstasy Through Tantra by John Mumford and Carl Weschcke or Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving by Charles and Caroline Muir also offer an excellent and economical introduction to the practice for those to whom classes don’t appeal. (Editor’s Note: You can order either of those books at 1-800-BUY-VIBE.) And finally, a number of excellent videotapes and audiotapes are available. These can be particularly helpful because they support guided meditations. These meditations can be the first step toward an intense personal connection both with your own sexuality and that of your partner.

“For me,” says Pence, “The difference between Tantric sex and other kinds of lovemaking is the difference between having a raw sexual experience and having a sexual experience infused with profound intimacy. It’s about my openness to the pleasure of my own body at the same time I’m increasing the intimacy with my lover.

“What this means in practice is that a simple act like a kiss, or looking into each other’s eyes, has a huge emotional charge. In Tantra, each of those simple acts also takes on a physical counterpart, so I get a deep physical reaction to something as simple as a caress. It’s much more phenomenal than simple penis and vagina intercourse.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Pence laughs. “Penis and vagina intercourse is great!”

But with Tantra, “just sex” becomes sex and so much more. It’s about a kind of sacred union, and sexual pleasure is both part of the greater goal — and the path to getting there. Whether you’re interested in sex as part of a spiritual quest or just for the intense experience of ecstatic sexuality, studying tantric sex can profoundly expand your sexual horizons and bring you closer to your sexual self than ever before.

And I can testify that while there are a million minor variations, 99% of the wanks I’ve seen have followed a predictable pattern: hand on hard dick, hand pumping hard dick, hard dick doing what hard dicks do after sufficient stimulation. Without a doubt, it’s a compelling pattern, and one I follow on a regular basis.

Still, I have to wonder if all these guys, following the simplest of jerkoff patterns even when they’re in all-male sex spaces with other guys watching them, know just how varied and wonderful their dicks are? Certainly they wouldn’t be where they are if they didn’t want to explore different sexual sensations — and lots of them. But it seems like most men, gay and straight, resort to the same few motions to bring themselves to orgasm, when there are many, many more things that can be done with a dick.

For that matter, why focus on the dick at all when you’re jerking off? Okay, okay, the obvious answer presents itself — but still, there are plenty of other body parts you can explore when you’re taking time for yourself.

Listed below are a few things you can try to add some variety to your masturbation sessions — in honor of National Masturbation Month, you owe it to yourself and to society.

• Nipples
  If you enjoy intense sensations, try using clothespins or Nipple Clamps while you’re masturbating. If you don’t, what’s to say you can’t put that off-hand to good use stroking and fondling your tits while you’re pumping that cock of yours?
• Balls
  Those balls of yours, in case you haven’t noticed, can play host to a wide variety of sensations. From gently caressing the outside to firmly slapping them, to just grabbing those balls and pulling, you can do plenty of naughty things to your family jewels. (If you are going to pull on your balls, be very careful, since you could conceivably injure yourself. Be sure to go slowly and build gently, and if you feel a sharp or intense pain stop right away.)
• Mouth
  You’ve got a mouth — use it! Talk dirty to yourself: tell yourself what a filthy little brat you’re being, invoke prayers to the Well-Hung Sex Goddess while you do yourself. From the number of guys online looking for phone sex, you’d think we’d use this option more! The sound of your own voice can be an intense aphrodisiac if you learn how to play along with your fantasies.
• Your ass
  If you’ve never had the divine experience of having your cock stroked while a finger slips into your asshole, you can certainly take the pleasure of giving it to yourself. Many guys have an intense taboo about their assholes, but when you’re all alone with the door locked and your dick in your hand, that’s the time to experiment. No need to stick anything in there, necessarily; just try the tip of your middle finger stroking around the outside while you pump your cock — especially as you approach orgasm. Use some lubricant on that fingertip, by the way, even if you’re not putting it in.
• The rest of you
  Run your hand over your chest, slide it down your belly, dig your nails into your thighs while you jerk off. Run ice over your neck, rabbit fur over your face, or a vibrator along your perineum while you stroke your cock. Awakening your senses all over your body can add plenty to the experience.

All those things said, however, most of us are going to focus on our dicks most of the time. I, for one, would like the rest of the world to focus on my dick quite a bit more than it does, so I have no problem whatsoever focusing on it myself whenever I want. Even so, there are plenty of penile sensations you can give yourself beyond the “usual.”

• Use both your hands
  If you’ve ever seen a truly talented person giving a man the handjob of his life — or been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of that — you know that one hand just doesn’t blow minds the way two can. Excellent techniques include holding the shaft with one hand while you rub circles around the head; moving the shaft up and down to stroke the head against the back of your hand; and focusing on the area on the back of the cockhead — much less sensitive than the glans (the section under the cockhead), but the more you stroke it the more sensitive you’ll find it getting.
• Rub against something
  You can straddle a big pillow, or the edge of a couch, and hump it (just pretend you’re a Golden Retriever on your owner’s leg). If you’re on the edge of a couch, you might want to put down a sheet — it’s much less rough than a towel, which can abrade that sensitive Johnson of yours.
• Rub between two somethings
  This concept works particularly well if you put two pillows together and stick your dick in between. While this feels divine, doing it for too long could rub your dick raw.
• The Fleshlight
  These little babies are the Goddess’s gift to her boytoys. They’re pricey, but I, for one, was amazed at the sensations the first time I tried it, and the Fleshlight has become a regular visitor in my masturbation sessions. While I wouldn’t say the experience is exactly like intercourse, it’s not at all dissimilar. Besides, it feels great. It also has the advantage of not looking weird and creepy like those “pocket pussies” you see in sleazy sex shops, or the truly bizarre ones with mustaches. And (um, not that I’ve tried those, but…) the interior is of a much higher quality.
• Penis pumps
  Guys often use these thinking their dicks will get bigger; well, the vacuum action does bring more blood into the penis, so yes, it will get bigger briefly. Don’t expect to be John Holmes, though. What penis pumps are good for is experiencing a broad range of interesting sensations. The fit of a fully-pumped cylinder is much, much tighter even than that guy they call “Hoover” down at the local gay bar. What that means is that you can’t thrust into a pump the way you can in to a Fleshlight, but it’s a truly unique feeling. It’s also great if you find yourself having a little trouble getting fully hard, but you have to be at least a little erect to even get your penis in the thing.
• Menthol rubs
  Those most vanilla among you will probably not dig this one, but I love to use a little Tiger Balm on my balls. Just a little! Yes, it hurts, but in such a subtle good way that I simply adore it, and without fail I get rock hard in about two seconds. Remember that these rubs are oil-based, so if you’re having safe sex be very careful not to let them touch your condoms.

There’s really no reason to let your self-love sessions be the furtive, guilty affairs too many of us grow up experiencing. Your relationship with yourself is more important than anything else in your life. Take the time to explore all its aspects.