Do you realize that in some states, Oral Sex is illegal and if two people are having fun with this activity, they are sexual revolutionaries, pursuing their own happiness at the risk of going to jail.

We had a blog entry from Dr. Lynn Comella, Sex Panic in Pawtucket reporting on sex educator, Megan Andelloux, who was opening up a center for sexual health and education and the police wanted to shut it down because it was a “sex center”. They approached it from the same alert as if a sex offender was opening up a day care center.

There are still the controversies of Gay marriage, birth control, teaching high school students about sex. Many parents believe the only way to teach kids their about sex is to tell them it is a sin and only practice abstinence. And yet there are still young kids getting pregnant or getting STDs. So we as sex educators are also revolutionaries. Speaking up, educating the public so we can move forward and state the facts about one of the most important birthrights we have-our sexuality.

We should come up with a new Sexual Bill of Rights and introduce it to members of the congress (you can rest assured that even though they aren’t copping to it, they are doing it anyway)! It is our civil liberties and our right as an American to pursue life, liberty and sexual pleasure.

So here is my new proclamation for the new Sexual Bill of Rights:

1. We the people have the right to pursue and to claim our right to love and marry who ever we fall in love with not matter what gender we are—as long as we are consenting adults. (This first bill of right would pay up the country’s deficit and have enough money to give everyone all health insurance and pay our teachers the income they deserve.)
2. All Americans have the right to bear Arms or any other part of the body, that is mutually beneficial to all the American people and shall not be infringed or regulated by the government or the church because this is our right to pursue happiness in what form feels good to us.
3. No American, regardless of gender shall, be imprisoned in a body that is not who they identify with and should be allowed to express themselves in a manner that is for the betterment and well being of the individual, without the risk of prosecution or alienation of the law or other clueless individuals.
4. We have the right to scream, shout, yell and otherwise use our freedom of speech to talk openly about who we are as long as we are respectful to each other.
5. Any American who serves as sex educator has the right to teach others how to enjoy our natural birthright to our sexuality and also to teach others how to practice safe sex-without risk of persecution from the state or church or being treated as criminals.
6. It is a duty of responsible parents to teach children the truth about sex at the appropriate age and allow them to ask questions about birth control and their bodies so they make good decisions and allow our schools to teach our kids to respect for our fellow human beings no matter what sexual orientation we are.
7. All Americans have the right to charge for their sexual services, whether it is as a sex educator, sexual therapist or a dominatrix, it should be legal as long as it is consensual for all parties. (The taxes the government would be collecting would be yet another avenue to get our country out of debt-talk about a stimulus bill!)
8. The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, and be able to watch adult movies and read erotica in any state without the government censoring what we watch or read unless it is harmful to another person without their consent.
9. No person shall be rejected or harassed because of their sexual orientation who wishes to serve in the military or law enforcement. It is our rights as American citizens to serve and protect our country.
10. We as Americans have the right to make a choice with our bodies if there is an unwanted pregnancy and should have our civil rights protected without risk of harm or ridicule.

I love our mission—educating our customers about sex-positivity and working to have people feel comfortable talking to their own kids about sex in a comfortable way just like you were talking about romance and love and learning to ride a bike. It is comfortable and when you learn how to ride a bike, even if you have not ridden for awhile, you can get back and it will take you to new and exciting adventures.

I started out working as a SESA (Sex Educator Sales Associate) and now write a regular blog and give classes in menopause and how to choose the best vibrator. But my goal as a sex educator is to go out into the community and teach others how using a condom can be a sexy part of foreplay or how a toy can add a beautiful part of partner play or solo play. So recently I joined the team of the OSSEs, which stands for Off-Site Sex Educator. Now I can go out to colleges and organizations that want our knowledge on sex education and help build a strong foundation of sex-positivity in the Bay Area and beyond.

If you would like one of the OSSEs to teach a class for your organization, please email our education director, Dr. Charlie Glickman PhD. and let him know (info below). He can arrange for one of the team to come speak to your group. We cover a variety of topics—let us know what you’re interested in.

For example, we could conduct a class on Safe Sex. Recently, there’s been an outbreak of STDs and STIs that is not only creeping into age groups 15 to 25, but now, among adults in the over 50’s to 70’s. An article in Time magazine reported that many senior citizens are contracting STDS because there isn’t enough sex education targeted at them. Many are past the age where an unwanted pregnancy can occur but there are other things you still need to protect yourself against what ever your age. Doctors are starting to see that there needs to be more sex education given to our seniors. This is a new take on the “Active Senior Lifestyle”.

Incidents of syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea have increased in every age group and now AIDS is on the rise in older adults as well:

According to the US Centers for Disease and Prevention:

…”people age 50 and older make up more than 10 percent of total AIDS cases in this country, and that HIV cases are increasing among people in their 60’s and 70’s. Also, it has been reported that during the last decade HIV cases has risen 500 percent among Senior Citizens, and AIDS cases among people over-50 have raised from 16,000 in 1975 to 90,000 in 2003. Now nearly 27 percent of people living with AIDS in America are 50 and older.”

Part of the reason for these increasing statistics is, many seniors still don’t practice safe sex and care providers don’t think your Grandma or Great-Grandma could still be enjoying sexual bliss–but sex is part of life, no matter how old you are — and thank God for that! Sex will keep you young and energized. We only ask that you keep safe.

So if there are any healthcare organizations, senior citizen communities or service organizations reading this, who would like us to come to you and give you a class from one of our qualified OSSEs, contact Dr. Charlie Glickman at charlieg@goodvibrations.com and he can tell you how we can come and teach a class. This is just one of the many subjects we can cover for your groups. Ask Charlie for other ideas!

Related at Good Vibrations:

Shopping Guide:  Celebrating Sex at an Older Age

For instance, here is a description of the PLAYGIRL line, Steamy Seductions, which sounds really nice:

If you’re looking for a romantic romp to enjoy with your honey, this is definitely the film for you. The focus here is clearly on romance, couples, and connections as you watch a series of playful and loving bedroom adventures featuring couples enjoying each other. Intimacy, oral sex, and light sensation play featuring blindfolds and a feather tickler help set the mood for some truly stand out scenes—and maybe inspire a few of your own.

But is this what you are looking for?

I know there are dozens or perhaps millions of adult movies out there. The covers can look very sexy, sensuous and the titles are always an added chuckle. But the cover alone is not always the determining factor as to whether this is a good pick for you or you and your partner. If you look at the categories on the DVD covers that we place so you know what category a movie is in, it can be one factor, in determining if you will like it, but also the flavor of the directors or the actors can be a factor whether it will be to your liking.

So do some research. Even if there is a movie we have that 90% of our customers think it is the best movie ever made, you may be in the 10% that this movie leaves you totally bored out of your head or eyes popping out in dismay thinking “what the f**k?!” The only true way you will probably know if this movie is right for you (unless you have psychometric abilities) is to look at a small portion to get the flow of the film.

That is why Good Vibrations started a feature on our website called “Video on Demand”. You can buy as little as 10 minutes for $2.95 or more to see a variety of different movies in 2 minute intervals. That can usually give you a good indication as to whether you will like a movie or not. If you don’t you are only out a few cents instead of $29.95 for a movie you can’t send back. It is very discreet and safe to use and you don’t have to worry about other adult movie websites starting to bombard you with things you don’t want.

I signed up for myself to see how the process worked. I put in my username and password, went to the Video on Demand screen and signed up for 60 minutes for $8.95. Instantly I watched a few minutes of “The Craving”, a Wicked production. It was a remake of the fairy tales that I grew up with but in a very sexy adult way. It had beautiful costumes and the music in the background was very nice.

Now that I am post-menopausal it is a nice way for me to help kick start my sex drive up a notch — Bam! As Emeril would say.  I still have more minutes to look at the different movies we carry. You can also download a DVD to play on your computer or even burn a DVD copy to add to your collection if you really like the movie, or you can rent the movie for 30 days.

Try out the service. You might be pleasantly surprised. What have you got to lose? $2.95 that is less than a latte and maybe a lot more enjoyable too!

I am just letting you know of my upcoming workshop on how to “Embrace Your Sexual Rebirth” (in case you haven’t yet attended). This workshop is designed for singles, couples, what ever stage of Menopause you are in (or going to be in):

Embracing Your Sexual Rebirth: Sex During and After Menopause
Wednesday, August 26, 8-10 pm
$25 if pre-registered, $30 for drop-ins
Please call 415-522-5460 to reserve a seat.

Lots of people believe that menopause inevitably leads to a decline in a woman’s sexuality but it’s not necessarily so! While “the change” can leads to significant shifts in sexual response and desire, that doesn’t have to mean that sex is no longer satisfying for women or their partners. GV staffer Evie Abston will help you discover new ways to think about your sexuality and how to respond to the changes that you’re experiencing. She’ll give you lots of helpful information, lead you through some exercises that will help you tune in to you and your partner’s body, offer guidance to make navigating sex easier and much more. Whether you’ve been through menopause, are in the middle of it, or see it coming, this fun and informative workshop for women and men, singles and couples, will make it easier to find out how to turn menopause into a sexual rebirth, deeper pleasure and enhanced intimacy.

For the majority of customers that I have spoken to in the past, there are two major things that people seem to ask for assistance in: How to increase Vaginal lubrication and the big one, “how can I get my sex drive back?”

There are many factors that can cause low libido, it could be fluctuating hormones, a hectic lifestyle, feeling pressure that you are going through changes, or a combination of all three. When it happened to me-part of the lack of desire was yes, fluctuating hormones, but also a pressure I felt from a message I had that my husband would leave me if my sex drive was gone.

Because I felt comfortable sharing those fears with him, it actually brought us closer together because he was able to reassure me. And then he shared that he also does not have the same level of sex drive he did when he was in his 20’s. Sharing this gave us a new awareness and helped us to continue to build a stronger relationship.

The more I read about different aspects of Menopause, the more I find new ways to enhance my and other people lives in a positive way. Besides being a sex educator with Good Vibrations I am also an alternative care practitioner. Part of my path as alternative practitioner, has been to help Menopausal women find ways to deal with the fluctuating hormones and emotional upsets that seem to pop up in various degrees and times.  I have recently learned a form of acupressure that can relieve physical and emotional challenges. I started using this process on myself that have been keeping my sex drive on vacation. I did the process once and after working on the acupressure points in a series of two sets, I started feeling that little “flutter” of desire I used to get. It is a good tune up that I have started incorporating in my own self care in addition to my daily meditation..

I knew I was on to something wonderful.  In addition to the previous exercises we will learn in the workshop, I’ve decided to share this process on August 26th. It is an exercise to rev up your libido, or help with mood swings by using acupressure techniques. It is very helpful. It is something that you can learn in a very short time. I am going to have hand outs to give so you can continue to use it even after the workshop.

I know I have said this many times before, (I have menopausal memory, if I said it I probably forgot that I did), but there are so many resources for learning how to take charge of your self-care going through Menopause. You are not alone. You don’t have to suffer in silence the way my mother or your mother did. All you have to do is start talking and sharing your experiences. You will be pleasantly surprised how many people are going through the same thing or have gotten through it.

Why do I say people instead of women? Because when you are in a relationship, it isn’t only women who are having the challenges, the husbands and partners are going through it too. They want to support their spouse, but sometimes not sure how to do it. And it isn’t just because they can’t handle it or don’t want to address it. It was because of the loving spouses that started coming to me when I was working in my store and said that their wives or girlfriends were having problems but too shy to talk about it, that I decided to do these workshops in the first place. Sometimes it is because we women don’t want to even vocalize our fears of the changes going on in our bodies and our heads. We can’t even bring ourselves to utter the words.

But in order to make changes, you have to first acknowledge that there is something you can change. Many times it is the power of the fear that keeps us resisting to what we know we need to acknowledge. But let me tell you, once you can break through the wall of resistance to get to the heart of the matter, things do change. And when you have that “A-Ha” moment and there is utter release and an orgasmic level of joy you are experiencing, it is worth any minute of doubt or fear you keep inside. Just remember, even if you don’t say it, your body still feels your fear or anxiety. And that can keep that imploding energy to cause more upsets or dis-eases in your body. Once you surrender to accepting the willingness to change, it is like opening up the door to a new life. And isn’t that worth all the short months of anxiety to 30 or 40 more years of  freedom you will have –“Viva la Vive!”

Related at Good Vibrations:

Our Bodies, Ourselves: Menopause
Multi-Orgasmic Woman
Better Than I Ever Expected

I want to talk about a subject that for a lot of people are still afraid to talk about. This is a very pleasurable activity and yet, it still has a stigma or Taboo. I am talking about ANAL SEX OR ANAL PLAY. Yes I am putting it out there in big bold letters for all to see.

Of course before you all run out and buy those Bob and Bootie butt plugs, let’s talk about some basics. The anal area has a lot of little nerve endings that will ramp up your orgasms-“B-A-M” as Emeril would say.

The three most important ingredients of anal play (Taken from our website, Sex Ed 101) are relaxation, lubrication, and communication. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed this muscle will be. Stress and anxiety, including worry, can make your anus tighten, resulting in less pleasurable or possibly painful anal sex.

Because that part of the body doesn’t produce it’s own lubrication, we recommend a good thick water based gel consistency lubricant. Many customers ask us what size dildo to start using? That really depends on the width you feel comfortable with.

We always suggest starting up with a finger (along with a lot of good gel lubricant) and start running your finger along the rim until the finger comfortably slips in. We carry a good size dildo called the Silk 1, that is about the width of a finger.

As you get more comfortable with the sensation you may want to expand your horizons, so to speak and move up to the Golden Boy or Side Kick.

However, you may find that keeping the width you start out with works just great, it isn’t important to “graduate” to something bigger. Another tip that seems to help relax and make the anal muscles more flexible is using a vibrating anal toy such as the Pandora or the Night Rider.

It might also be good to purchase the toy that is designed to work those two sets of muscles-The Peridise.

The miracle of breathing. If you want to feel more relaxed while your partner is massaging your body, do some deep breathing, inhale through the nose and think relax, and then exhale through the mouth. It really does make a difference.

We also have some great books or DVDs that can help answer your questions and dispel the myths that are still rearing it’s ugly head. One book is called Anal health and Pleasure, by Jack Morin; The Ultimate Guide to Anal sex for Women by Tristan Taormino, and the Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men by Bill Brent.

There is still a myth out there that says that if you like anal play it means penetration with a dildo or Penis. That is part of it, but maybe you only want to have some light rimming or maybe just a small device inserted during penetrative sex or anal beads-this is all part of anal sex. While we are on the subject, lets talk about anal beads. If you want to drive your partner crazy, insert these little pearls in the anal area and when your partner orgasms, pull them out a little at a time.

Did you know that if you exercise your muscles in that part of the body, it keeps your orgasm nice and strong for men and also decreases the chances of prostate cancer? Did you also know that if you exercise that part of the body it will shrink hemorrhoids?

If you are regularly exercising that part of the body, when you have a rectum exam or prostate exam, it won’t be as uncomfortable because you will be more relaxed being explored in that part of the body?

Still want more help, you want to ask more questions from a doctor, we are going to have a “F-R-E-E” event on June 21st with our own Dr. Carol Queen:

Ask our Doctors: All about Anal
When: Sun, June 21, 6pm – 7pm
Where: Good Vibrations Valencia Street Store, 603 Valencia Street (at 17th Street), San Francisco, CA 94110
Description: Free! Find out everything you’ve ever wanted to know about anal play. Sex educator, author and activist, Dr. Carol Queen discusses assumptions and attitudes about anal sex, then teaches tips and techniques that will have you heading for the back door! (415) 522-5460 http://events.goodvibes.com

So here you are. A primer into a topic that is fun, but isn’t always talked about. Once you see how great the deliciously intense orgasmic waves your body will be feeling, why not take the plunge?

However for a perimenopausal woman dealing with the mood swings weight gain or headaches that brings PMS on steroids 25 days out of the month to your life, it can literally be the difference of feeling happy, the ability to smile and feel good about you and your life, and living the dark night of the soul 24/7.

I am sure there are women who are not in menopausal but may still have these issues every month. Life can be wonderful fun and inspiring by changing the way we see our life experiences. People think “Ok, I feel like crap, I am going on an emotional roller coaster and I can’t find a way out of this, maybe I will go to my doctor and he can prescribe something for me to feel better”. I am all for the “happy pill” as one of my friends calls her antidepressants. If that is what it takes to make you feel like yourself again-go for it.

I just wanted to plant the seeds to look at these experiences a different way and find other ways to “look outside the box” (I love that term), open up to new horizons and empower yourself. The body and the brain is an amazing thing. You can teach yourself to do better at your tennis matches or ace-ing a job interview, giving an electrifying presentation, just by how you approach it.

I am a big believer in the power of the mind and tapping into the subconscious to bring things into your life and when you can do this internally and see the results manifest externally in your life, it is amazing and empowering.

So what if you could stop the mood swings, headaches and manage your weight naturally and allow your body to do the work for you as you do the work for it, would you do it? If you could make different choices and pick up a glass of water or herbal tea instead of a caffeinated drink to stop the headaches and sugar cravings, would you choose that?

I can hear some women hear “Not my diet coke, I love it!” it is my vice. Well maybe you don’t have to give it up, but maybe you could choose to have one or two servings instead of 6 or 8 servings. I myself love my caffeine in the morning, but I now drink half-caf and then have green tea or water and it fills me up and nurtures me. I guess it is all in how you associate what you put into your body.

The one thing I recommend is learn to take deep soothing breaths. Many people are not present in their bodies and can actually cause them to get irritable. I teach meditation and a quick tip is to take 3 deep breaths inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth and it gets me back in my body and peaceful.

The next thing I suggest is to drink at least 4 actual glasses of water along with non-caf beverages to keep you grounded and hydrated. Did you know that when you think for as little as 30 minutes, it is time for some water to rehydrate your body?

So if you are interested in alternative methods where you-yourself, can tap into your bodies ability to metabolize and balance your emotions-I have some information for you to ponder over. It is true-you are what you put into your body.

One of my favorite books to share with people who are going through menopause or have monthly changes in their bodies is “The Wisdom of Menopause” by Christiane Northrup, MD. In the course of her life as a doctor, she started realizing that many doctors don’t seem to help their patients when they have mood swings, or headaches except for the traditional medications that for many women can add additional challenges. So she started a crusade to find alternative choices for women to take charge of their self-care.

The book can be read from chapter to chapter (although I couldn’t do it, the book is over 600 pages) or you can pick a challenge you are dealing with and go to that, the information is easy to digest (no pun intended) and very helpful. I call it one of my bibles along with “Better than I ever Expected” by Joan Price.

There is a chapter on diet for mood balancing and weight management here are some of the suggestions:
Perimenopausal Food plan:

1. Maintain normal blood sugar and insulin levels
2. Measure for health-waist/hip ration, body mass index and body fat percentage
3. Check out your Metabolic stress
4. Exercise
5. Get your Thyroid checked
6. Quell Cellular Inflammation

HORMONE BALANCING PLAN

1. Eat at least three meals a day-including breakfast
2. For those of you who skip breakfast, the breakfast kick starts your metabolism
   1. Focus on Portion size, not calories – The author says cup your two hands in front of you. Limit your intake to know more than that at each meal or snack.
3. Eat Protein at each meal
4. Cut down on Refined and high glycemic-index carbohydrates, including alcohol
5. Consume grain products with caution
6. Eat a wide variety of fresh fruits and vegetables daily
7. Eat healthy fats each day
8. Protect yourself with Antioxidants
9. Take vitamin supplements

And here is a tip for people who have a tremendous sweet tooth. There is an amino acid that will quell your sugar cravings- it is called L-glutmine. It also helps in the mental fatigue that can result from sugar withdraw. You can get that in any health food store or go to puritan.com.

This may seem overwhelming for the busy schedule we have now a days, but do you realize that when you are calm and centered, you can manage your time a lot better than running around wondering where do you start first? I have dropped 15 lbs since changing my diet and I feel a heck of a lot better. I do love the fact that I have gone through Menopause. Now that my hormones have settled down, I feel peaceful, calm and happy on a regular basis, I no longer have the up and down mood swings and I am enjoying be a sexual playmate with my husband again.

But try making small changes. Try it for 30 days and cut back on your Diet Coke or double shot lattes and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Related at Good Vibrations:

Our Bodies, Ourselves: Menopause
Multi-Orgasmic Woman
Better Than I Ever Expected

Some things are enlightening. Some comments make me take a deep breath and hope they can’t see the look of horror in my face-when I hear things like “oh yeah I’ve used the Turbo Glider for anal, but it was too hard for me”…A good thing they didn’t have the unexpected spasm into that part of the body, because they probably would have shared a different kind of story of how they flew to the emergency room at the hospital to retrieve it from their body cavity. (This is a gentle reminder to only use toys for anal with a base at the bottom of the toy).

And sometimes I get good tips and suggestions from customers and co-workers. Here are some tidbits of information I have gotten: (they are not listed in any particular order)

1. If you want to keep the buckles of your harness from rusting, put some clear nail polish on them.
2. If you want to feel more direct stimulation when you are the giver, during harness play, try using the smart balls or the We Vibe and give your self some additional sexy fun.
3. If you want a good hair defrizzer, stretch out your leather shoes or need a good make up primer-use silicone lubrication.
4. To decrease the gag reflex when giving fellatio, hold your breath.
5. If you want a twice-as-nice (rabbit-style) toy amped up, use the We Vibe and your favorite dildo.
6. Use a vibrating cock ring as a hands free vibe for teasing your partner or manually stimulating your clitoris.
7. If you want to use a dildo in a creative way, try putting it between two cushions in your sofa and go for a ride!
8. Put a vibrating cock ring on your favorite vibrator and turn it into an internal/external vibrator.
9. If you want to be a sexual goddess in the art of oral play, use the Laya on the side of your cheek when giving fellatio.
10. If you want to test a vibrator in see if the intensity is strong enough for you, try putting it on the tip of your nose.
11. If you want to give your partner more fullness, use the Handy Sleeve during intercourse-you will both love the sensation.
12. Not sure what level of intensity or volume each vibrator is? Go to our website and check out our chart!
13. Not sure what the right vibe is for you? Check out my blog entry “Give me the best vibrator you have”
14. My last tip and I think a very helpful one is-if you have any questions regarding toys, lubes or sexual techniques, go to our website www.goodvibes.com and click on the menu Sex Ed 101. Go to the store and events section and sign up for one of our fun and informative classes or visit one of our stores. If I didn’t work for the company, it would still be one of my favorite places to shop for all my erotic goodies. Come in and say hi, mention that you read this blog entry (It’s not the tip of the Iceberg) and receive a 10% friends and family discount — tell the Sesa’s, ‘Evie sent me’.

If you have some good tips you would like to share with our readers, send me an email at eabston@goodvibes.com

Before I start a panic, let me clarify that no, it isn’t anything I have read about while on the Internet. But I did get your attention, didn’t I? It was a little deceptive, maybe, but I am being deceptive for a good reason.

I just wanted to throw a thought out to you. If you start taking care of how you eat, what kind of physical activity you have now, even the stress you have in your life, you may have a very gentle whisper of the changes your body will go through instead of the mental and emotional minefields you could go through when you get on this part of your journey.

In a previous blog entry, I talked about things that happen to our bodies when we are in Peri-Menopause or Post-Menopause. It happens to our partners and us. The kind of self-care program we design for ourselves can be the difference between re-inventing ourselves in an exciting life full of radiance or a time where we can feel “What happened to me?”

So start finding out what you can do now. I like to recommend a book by Joan Price, Better Than I Ever Expected” because it has a lot of good information regarding the experiences many women have when they have go through Menopause. I know it is hard to think about what is going to happen in the future if you are in your 20’s or 30’s. But if you plan to live to 60 or longer, and it is a good bet that you will, the information will apply to you eventually. In some cases, you may already be experiencing certain things that Menopausal women go through.

For instance, ever had a time when you felt you were on an emotional roller coaster, happy one moment and the next ready to take someone’s head off because they looked at you at the wrong time? Ever had irregular periods because of stresses in your life? Ever taken allergy medication or antidepressants? Ever had stress in your life when you…I can go on an on.

The point I am trying to make is even if you are not in your 40’s or 50’s; you can still have these issues. Why not start now to make changes in your life so when you are becoming Peri-Menopausal; your experience during this time in your life will be filled with changes, but it won’t be filled with a sense of dread or not knowing how you or you and your partner will get through it.

First of all, if you are going through mood swings on a monthly basis, there are some things you can do now. Just changing simple things in your diet can decrease mood swings when you are going through PMS. By decreasing your intake of refined sugars, caffeine and processed foods, you will find that the moods swings you experience will decrease or become a whimper instead of explosive volcanic eruptions of emotions.

In the book, “The Wisdom of Menopause”, there is an actual diet to neutralize the mood swings. It is a very healthy diet that can also help you to shed pounds too, because you may find that your body’s metabolism will get ramped up and just by increasing your activity level, your body and emotions will be tuned and toned up.

Since I brought up activity, besides working your stomach and leg muscles, why not exercise another part of the body that you will derive a lot of benefit from, whether you are trying to increase the sensitivity of your pleasure zones or getting ready for labor. It is doing your Kegal muscles (named by Dr. Arthur Kegal). The Kegal muscles can keep your orgasms nice and strong no matter what your age. It can help a woman in labor control the experience of labor pains and make for an easier birth. It can also keep the lining of the Vulva region nice and thick so you don’t feel the tearing of the tissues when your hormones start changing (and you won’t have to feel the burn!)

During penetration when you are practicing your Kegal exercises on a dildo, vibrator or your partner’s penis, both of you will enjoy the pleasure of those delicious squeezes.

If you aren’t currently exercising your Kegel Muscles, it is a good idea to get a toy that will add a good resistance to your work out. If you aren’t’ working your muscles effectively, you may not get the benefits you seek. Dr. Charlie Glickman, my teacher, has a good blog article about the toys you can get your PC muscles in shape at http://magazine.goodvibes.com/2009/02/05/pc-sex/

These exercises can be done while you are waiting in line at the grocery store or on the way to work. I am doing them right now as I am writing this. Two questions I get when I am in the store when I am talking about the Kegel exercisers such as the SmartBalls or Betty’s Barbell is 1) how long will it take before I feel a difference? And 2) how do I do them?

Because everyone is different, if you are doing them correctly, it can take as little as a month (just the same time as getting your heart in shape). Personally I started doing 5 reps twice a day and then got up to 15 (which is what I am still doing). I like to deep breathe as I do each rep. I am inhaling while my muscles are relaxed and exhaling when I am squeezing my PC muscles.

Believe me, it is easier to work your muscles more efficiently when you are using an exerciser toy. But if you want to start out without a toy, there is a good explanation on doing the perfect Kegel exercise in the book, “Better Than I Ever Expected” called “Zipping up your Pelvic Wall”

People that come to my workshop always ask “What can I do to feel sexual again?” This one can be the most frustrating and anxiety-inducing part of Menopause, but it isn’t fatal. There are things you can do. There are many people in their 60’s and 70’s still enjoying a pleasurable and satisfying sex life by knowing how to get creative and adventurous.

But even if you are not Peri-menopausal or Post-Menopausal, if you are living busy, stressful lives, your libido might have decided to go on vacation. What can you do? First of all, be good to yourself. We are doing the best we can. We have to work or go to school, work and go to school, work and take care of our kids. This is the wonderful part about living our lives and the aggravating part of our lives.

Just remember that sexual arousal is not just physical sensations, it is also what things you are focusing on. So if your thoughts are filled with how to make your month’s rent, studying for your next exam or trying to get the baby to sleep through the night, it is no wonder that sex would be the last thing on your mind. Sometimes getting a full night’s sleep can be more appealing than having a marathon night of sexual pleasure.

What is a body to do or a mind? Let’s start breaking it down. If you are feeling like you are in a rut and can’t seem to switch gears to having a night or afternoon of sexual bliss, then you need to see things a different way. Why not book a hotel room? Or go to your favorite date restaurant? Why not daydream about the first time you had a romantic evening with your partner? What about fantasizing about a time when you had the most mind-blowing sex? Another thing to do is R-e-l-a-x! If we are running through things you need to do, you probably are giving yourself such an adrenal rush of mental activity, it is hard to be thinking about sexual pleasure.

When you start taking in some deep breaths, you can start to let go. You may also find that once you are present in your body, you can manage your time better and then can start changing your focus from the grocery list to the list of positions and sex adventures you used to have with your sweetie. (If you need help with that, come to our stores, we can give you some helpful suggestions, including SuperHotSex Deck by Tracy Cox, Dr. Sadie Allison’s “Toygasms” or having a movie night with Jamye Waxman’s DVD, “Personal Touch #3, Exploring the O”.

Did you also know that if you spent time in self-pleasure, it can relieve stress and help you get plugged in sexually too? A good book we carry “Sex for One”, by Dr. Betty Dodson, speaks about the joy and health benefits self-pleasure can provide. They do say if you don’t use it, you can lose it. But I like to say when it comes to sexuality, you may not lose it, you may have just misplaced it.

So it is retraining yourself or reminding yourself you are a sexual person. There is another book I recommend in my workshops and that is called “The Multi-Orgasmic Woman.” There are some really valuable exercises that can help you to start feeling like the sexy woman you are no matter what is happening in your life.

I know when I was going through Peri-Menopause, the thought of having sex was a source of anxiety for me, and I work in a sex store! But my husband and I got through it. With communication and being vulnerable with each other, we started seeing things differently and now getting re-connected sexually it is fun again-and no longer do we have to use condoms! (Time to use Devour me and Zing Cream in the same night-Woo Hoo!)

So even though you may not be close to the stages of Menopause, if you take steps now, you will find the myths that are still out there about menopause are just that. And you can be the change to those myths. Find out now so when you are there, it is a comfortable experience for you.

One of my goals in this blog is to enlighten people about Menopause and what we can do to get through this journey with as much ease, grace and humor we can experience. I got through my Sexual Rebirth and feel great! I am going to be doing another workshop on “Embracing your Sexual Rebirth in September. Even if you are not close to Peri-Menopause I invite you to attend. You might find some things you can use right now.

When you come into one of our stores, and you want help, we will ask you a few questions so we can point you in the right direction. If you have never come into our store you will see the walls filled with all sorts of vibrators and for a first time shopper that can be overwhelming. But fear not, we can help you to find the toy that will give you the most enjoyment.

When I work with someone I will ask if she has ever had a vibrator? If she tells me yes, I will ask what kind of vibe was it-internal or external? Were you happy with the level of intensity it had? Was it multiple speed or single speed? If it is a toy she bought here, it is easier for me to have a reference point. Then at least that can give me a good indication where we should start. Then I will ask if she wants more features or maybe even go in a different direction and maybe suggest a vibrating dildo like the O2 Niagara or a dildo with a separate mini vibe like the Angelina and the Silver Bullet.

If this is her first vibrator, I will recommend a simple smoothie like vibrator such as the Turbo Glider or Lady Luster. They have multiple speeds and because the motor is towards the tip, it is also good to explore clitoris stimulation and the vibe is firm enough to explore G Spot Stimulation. If someone says, “its feels too hard”, I would recommend the velvet Touch, Little Dolly. Or if you don’t mind using a condom maybe the Purple Plunge”.

If a customer has had a toy and realizes that she needs internal/external stimulation we move on to the “twice as nice” line. This is the category the famous “Rabbit” falls under. First of all if you come in asking for the Rabbit that “Sex in the City” put on the map, you are talking about the Rabbit Pearl. It has a strong motor with a cord that attaches the control to the vibrator. The shaft that is 5” that is useable has individual pearls that move loose so you can get the nice internal stimulation that can touch on the pleasure zones including the G spot. It also has the little bunny sitting on the shaft that is for external stimulation.

The reason so many women love the rabbit is because many women need both internal and external to climax. So for many women this is the toy that does the trick. Now here is the other side of the coin, because of where both the pearls are and how the rabbit is placed, for some people, it doesn’t touch the right spot and then it can be down right frustrating. I read one of the reviews online and another person was disappointed because and she actually stopped the internal part because her Kegel muscles were too strong!

Now I am not putting in this feedback to discourage anyone from buying the Rabbit- it is enjoyed by many people, my intention here is to let you know that vibes are not a one size fits all. Please do some research ask our SESAs (Sex Educator Salses Associate) we can tell you the “ins and outs” so to speak to find out if this a good choice for you.

We do have other toys in the “twice as nice” category that may actually be better for you. Here are some examples:

Iconic Rabbit-This premium vibrator is made with the same quality Japanese-made motor as our best-selling Rabbit Pearl, the only difference is the variable-speed vibrator is housed in the cordless base and it is now made of soft elastomer.

Passion Wave Butterfly-This unique, waterproof twice as nice vibrator was clearly designed with pleasure in mind. Thicker than most of our other twice as nice toys, the butterfly shape boasts three distinct intensity levels and provides stimulation to the clitoris and the labia. The “wave” comes in the form of the undulating shaft which was engineered to create a ripple-like movement instead of vibration. The first time I held it in my hand it had the sensation I think of when I feel an actual orgasm.

Rosebud-Pretty and petite, the silky smooth Rosebud is the perfect size for fans of internal and external stimulation who want something a bit smaller than the Rabbit Pearl. This silicone beauty has no ridges or bumps, which makes insertion a breeze and the cute little tickler was specially designed by women to flutter at the sides of the clitoris while providing slightly more pressure in the middle.

Rock Chick -It has an unusual shape that almost looks like a hand weight, but not as heavy-when used with a rocking motion, stimulates the g-spot and clitoris at the same time. If you don’t need the rotating movement, this may be a great toy for you.

Angelina and the Silver Bullet- Sounds like a sci-fi’children’s book. This is actually a Dildo that was moulded from an actual Vulva. Because of how it is designed, once it is inserted, you don’t have to move it around very much for it to touch on all the pleasure zones. If you need Clitoris Vibration, add the Silver Bullet. It is an external vibrator with variable speed that fits in the handle of the Angelina.

If you want a toy that is truly external or a toy you can use with a partner, here are some suggestions that can add the extra spark:

WE Vibe-This sleek and fantastically designed sex toy is perfect for solo use or can be worn during partner sex (with either vaginal or anal penetration) to add a little buzz to your play. Quiet, hands-free, and featuring two distinct speeds, one end of the We-Vibe fits snuggly against the clitoris while the other is inserted for G-Spot stimulation.

Laya-Ergonomically designed to fit the Clitoral area nicely and also any part of the body that curves—the head of the penis, underneath the testicles

Screaming O-Can I hear an “Amen”, it is a disposal Penis ring because the batteries only last 30-40 minutes. But it packs quite a punch to provide a delectable vibration to both partners (there is a reason it is called the Screaming-O).

Bo-If you enjoy the Screaming O, but want a little stronger Penis ring, but don’t have to keep going out and buying a replacement, I highly suggest the Bo. This also provides pleasing vibrations and it is rechargeable.

Fingo-If you are looking for a hands free mini vibe, this is a very nice toy, great for oral sex or any part of the body that wants an extra Zing to partner play.

Now that you have found a toy or toys-why not mix it up? lets talk about materials. There are permeable and impermeable. And depending on how easy you want to clean your toy or if you are prone to sensitivities, here’s the scoop. You will find that the materials that we call “Permeable” (we used to call these materials “Porous”) have little tiny davits, where residue-bodily fluids, lubes or soap can get trapped in the microscopic pockets. In other words, even if you are using things to clean these materials, they will still hold on to a small amount and if you have sensitivities the only way to keep it clean, is to put a condom on the toy. We do sell cheap condoms for only 15 cents a piece. If you want to use the toy just get the condoms and you are good to go!

Some of the materials that fall into this category are:

Jelly Rubber

Elastomer

Cyberskin

The kinds of vibration that the toys have can play a factor in your enjoyment or lack of. There is a buzziness that some of our toys have that do appeal to a lot of people. It does have a stronger feel to them. But to some people, it is too over stimulating and actually irritates the user instead of enhancing the experience.

If you have found this to be the case, then I suggest finding a Thuddier feel. It is strong without the buzziness. The other question I get is “How will I know it is strong enough for me? There is a trick you can use. Take the vibrator and put it to our nose? The same sensitivity you have in your vulva seem to be very comparable the feelings in the tip of your nose.

If is a very wonderful experience when you alone or with a partner to give each other these added enhancements with our toys, it isn’t just a vibrator it is how Lelo sums up their toys it is a “Luxury Erotic Lifestyle Object”. I have a saying I like to use from time to time: “Life is your canvas, create a masterpiece” When it comes to choosing the right toy, you could change this to read: “Your Body is your Canvas, use your toy to create your own masterpiece of explosive color, texture and enjoy!

What would you choose to believe in the above paragraph? Because depending on where your head and emotions are that is the experience you can have. Yes, it does happen that your hormones will go wacky, you may wonder why you cry one second and laugh jubilantly the next; you may have bouts of short-term memory loss and may develop a thicker waistline. You may find your vaginal muscles may tighten up or feel dryness and makes penetration painful.

Yes, there are many things that can come up when you start going through Menopause but it doesn’t mean there are not things you can do to move through it with ease, grace or keep you from feeling your life is over.

In my line of work as a Sex Educator at Good Vibrations, I hear many customer comments about wanting the perfect lube or wanting to kick start their sex drive. (In fact, so many people came to me for advice on Menopause, I started a workshop at Good Vibrations called “Embracing Your Sexual Rebirth”. There’s more info on it at the end of this entry!)

Many wonderful husbands come and talk to me because their Wives are too shy to ask the questions. I feel a warmth in my heart because I know that both partners are working to find a solution to get through something that doesn’t have to be the ending of a relationship. With awareness, patience and time, this phase in woman or couples lives can be one of deepening intimacy and a great source of sexual joy.

And I should know I just got through it. As of February 13^th I am done! I got through the 4 years of mood swings, lost libido, irregular periods and vaginal dryness. My husband of course had to get used to my ever-changing moods and my month long PMS. Yes, in the beginning, I felt discouraged that my body was changing, that once a very sexual person now would even forget what it felt like to enjoy the sexual intimacy my husband and I had. It is normal for these things to come up.

I wondered if my husband would grow inpatient, lose interest in me, maybe even have an affair or leave me. But my husband, though of course concerned about the changes I was going through, still loved me and hung in there.

Once I realized that I needed to find out what my options were, I started doing some research and found that there were many choices for me to customize my own Menopause self-care program. I started using the Internet and found a lot of different resources on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) vs. alternative solutions. I started meeting women who had gone through it or was in the same stages I was in and it gave me comfort that I was not alone. I think for a lot of women, feeling isolated and alone can be the most challenging part.

Menopause is still a word that people don’t want to hear or afraid to say it out loud-just like Lord Voldimort from the Harry Potter series or Marie Romano, the mother in law from the sitcom “Everybody loves Raymond”. So I want people to know that there are alternatives and choices to make this time in your life an empowering one-a time to define and redefine who you are.

You are going from caretaker of others to caretaker of self and it is a challenging yet one of the most exciting times in your life. For me, I got to learn to appreciate who I am, to like my light and shadow self. To listen to my body when I was having hot flashes and asking myself what in my life is causing my intuition to let me know that this is something in my life I can now release-an old outdated message, an opportunity to assert myself instead of stuffing it.

It is a time to take charge of your life. So in this time of dormancy, you are planting the seeds of self-discovery and redefing your relationships.

There was an author who wrote a book on Menopause and her philosophy is that our bodies are now bringing up issues to clear out so when Menopause is over, you can start over again. She gave the analogy of hot flashes as a meditative technique that monks used to remove toxins in the bodies. They would wrap wet sheets around themselves and then with their minds, they would raise their body heat so high that at the end of the meditation the sheets were dry and any toxins or things they no longer needed were dissolved.

Isn’t it great that we already know how to do this? And when I read this I started monitoring what was happening at the moment I had a hot flash and recognized that there was an issue I needed to look at and clear or it is my intuition saying that I am getting accurate messages from inner guidance.

Being done with Menopause is a great celebration. I don’t have to worry about birth control, My sex drive has returned. I feel more relaxed. It is a wonderful thing. I don’t feel as if I am missing something. My husband and I still love each other. I am more confident than I was in my 20s or 30s.

I guess I want to stress in this blog entry is that Menopause is not the end of sexuality it is the beginning of claiming your authentic sexual self-redefining who you are, what pleases you most. Who you were 20-30 years ago is not who you are now, so why wouldn’t your sexual tastes change also?

During this time of Menopause you are focusing on your self, your needs, what makes your heart sing and your passion perculate. You can try new clothes, a new hairstyle, take up Tengo dancing or painting. You can become a sexy dominant Diva and ask your partner to feed you strawberries dipped in Belgian chocolate then give you a sexy sensuous massage with a aromatic Jimmy Jane Bourbon Massage candle and massage every pleasure zone in your body.

This is the time in every relationship to start a new phase of intimacy and passion. And what steps you take during this time will set the next journey of your lives together. People are living longer, you might have another 30-40 years to go-can you imagine what wonderful things you can create in your life and feel you have everything you need?

You have gone through the naivete of life and now you are a vital, energetic radiant beam of sensuous life force enjoying your sexuality with the total abandon of a teenager with the wisdom of experience! No, Menopause does not mean the ending of life and sexuality-it means the ending of your menstrual cycle and the claiming of your Sexual Rebirth. Embrace the change.

(Evie’s workshop, “Embracing Your Sexual Rebirth”, will be held Feb. 23^rd at Good Vibrations in Berkeley. Contact the store to sign up 510.841.8987)