Now, that’s not nice. Not nice at all. Call me a soft pack defender, but I have a soft (oh, how pun-y) spot in my heart for soft packs and I don’t like seeing them get made fun of.  I mean, how would YOU like it if someone laughed at your penis/vagina/make-up/dress/bra/soft pack/tighty whities/etc? Laughed at them for being different? And in public out of all places?

No, I wouldn’t feel so good about that either. So, the other day and co-worker and I collaborated on a little informational sign, and it went a little something like this…

WHAT IS A SOFT PACK?

SOFT: As they are soft, they are not generally used for penetration.

PACK: Soft packs are products often used for the purpose of ‘packing’. Packing is when someone of any gender, sexuality, or physical body puts a soft pack or other object in their pants or underwear. Packing and soft packs are often used as a means of gender expression, gender play or just to feel/see that little extra bulge.

Packing is often a serious part of a person’s individual expression, so please treat our soft packs with kindness and respect.

***

Now, instead of giggling and tossing about our soft packs, many people walk by – maybe a giggle slips out (and that’s ok, we’re not the gender/sexuality police) – but then brows begin to furrow. Lips move quietly as people read this nice little informational sign aloud to their friends. Lightbulbs turn on over heads.

Ah, now that’s better.

So, try to make a little soft spot for soft packs if you don’t have one already.

Better yet, try one out. You may find out that your spot is a little softer than you thought.

* dentaldamAge

“Oh, sure. Follow me. That would be this one right over here. That’ll be $30. Have a nice day”

***

The above question exists, sure. It exists a lot. Maybe it’s how our consumer culture has been designed. Maybe it’s our need to be number one. And to have number one. In about one second. Yeah, this question exists.

The above answer, however, does not. I mean, it would be nice if it did, I guess. We could just sell one vibrator. We could have walls and walls of the same thing. Or we could rent smaller spaces for our stores. My job would be a lot easier. Or maybe not exist at all.

I mean, sure, it would be faster, easier, and involve less consideration if we could point out the best one for you. But, we’ve got options. Lots of them. Which, actually works for you. Because that means you’ve got options. And instead of trying to force a vibrator on your body and try to figure out how to make it feel good, you can cater a vibrator to your body and what naturally feels good. Sweet.

And this works out well for everybody. Because everybody’s body is different.

Sticking to good old food slash sex analogies, let’s think about it this way. If you went to a restaurant and all they had was spicy food because that’s what the owner thought was “the best”, that wouldn’t necessarily be “the best” for everyone. I know for me at least this would involve several bathroom trips and never returning to that restaurant again. And here at GoodVibes, we like it when you come back.

So, when you ask us this question, “What’s the best?”, a lot of the time we may not answer it in the way you like. We can’t. That would just be straight up dishonest. And we hate lying. We’re not being rude when we ask you what it is you’re looking for in a toy, we’re just trying to make sure you end up with the best for you and not the imaginary best.

And now I know when I try to clarify what may be “the best” for a person, a popular follow-up questions is “What is the best seller?” Now, come on people. “What’s the best seller?” is just “What’s the best?” in disguise. But you’re not fooling me. A best-seller could very well be the most-returned. It could be the most eye-catching, the best marketed but maybe the least functional. I mean, slim chances are it could be the best for you, I guess. But why chance it?

***

So, everybody’s body is different. Which means your body is different.

Luckily, you have lots of vibrator options.

Dauntingly, you have lots of vibrator options at GoodVibes.

So where do you go from here?

What we tend to recommend is that you utilize your options. Meaning, get a vibrator that allows you to utilize your options…

***

Speed/Function: We have several that have varying speeds and even several that have varying functions. And many that do both – they go high to low and then switch into various pulsing settings of vibration. Some examples? The Laya, Little Dolly, The Nea.

The Nea The Laya

External/Internal: Working with us to find the best vibrator for you, you may hear us often use the words “external” and “internal”. What we’re trying to do here is differentiate between those vibrators which are designed to be used externally (usually implying clitorally, but male-bodies benefit from vibration as well), those which are designed to be inserted (or moved in and out) and those which are designed to do both.

Something like the silver bullet has high-to-low speeds of vibration, but the small egg shape design may be the most functionally used on the outside of the body – the clitoris, for instance, responds well to vibration while the inner walls of the vagina tends to respond more to an in-and-out motion or pressure. That being said, we are not the sex-toy police and will not be standing over you telling you how to use your toy. Inserting a bullet-shaped vibrator vaginally may require a little fishing out, but no harm done. However, attempting to insert one anally will probably involve a trip to the E.R. Don’t say we didn’t warn ya’.

Silver Bullet

A toy with a curve and longer handle is a good option for those who would like to insert their vibrator. Curves are designed to hit the G-spot or the prostate in male-bodies and the long handle makes for an easier time at thrusting. Some examples – The Bombay, The G-Twist, The GiGi – and there are many, many more. These vibes also have several speeds and settings of vibration. Hurray.

The Bombay G-Twist

Want something twice-as-nice? There are a few different models which are designed to provide clitoral stimulation while the toy is being used internally – The G-Twist, The G-Swirl, The Rock-Chick or The Rabbit Habit are a few.

The Rock-Chick Rabbit Habit

And don’t let your imagination be stopped by reality. The We-Vibe is a vibrator designed to be worn during penetration. Two motors and flexibility provide internal and external vibration at the same time and leaves enough extra space for the toy or body part of your choice.

We Vibe

Body Parts: Where are you wanting to use this vibrator? This connects to the external/internal question and becomes pretty crucial if you’re wanting to use your toy anally. Something with a base to stop the toy from getting “lost” in the rectum is essential. Without a stopper, toys can easily get out of one’s grip and result in a trip to the emergency room. Kind of a mood-ruiner.

The Night Rider is one of my favorites to recommend in this department – the curve means it’s good for G-spot and/or prostate stimulation, the base means it’s anal-safe, the base also means when inserted there is potential for simultaneous clitoral stimulation. It’s also water-proof, has a cord for easy partner play and has four different speeds. And, oh wait. It’s $22. Snap.

Night Rider

Cost: Generally, I like to recommend to first-time vibrator buyers that they don’t go over their spending minimum. Buying and using your first vibrator is meant to be a learning experience. Trying a toy with a lot of different options means you’ll find some things you like, love, dislike or maybe hate. Once you figure this out and can narrow down your tastes, then maybe pull out the big bucks and buy the one that pulses the most, has the strongest vibration or holds up the best in the tub – whatever strikes your fancy. In love with the first vibrator you bought? Great. Don’t fix what’s not broken. And if it does break? Get a new one of the same.

Specifics: Even though you may not know what kind of vibration you like, you may walk in with a certain criteria.

Are you a water-baby who loves to get it on in the tub? Get something water-proof.

Are you a jet-setter who needs something that’s easy to travel with? (A little note here: take out the batteries before going-through security at the airport or even better – Lelo vibrators have a function which lock them for travel much like a cell-phone).

Are you the shy type who would like a vibrator in disguise? We have ones that look like Rubber Duckie toys, lipstick tubes or ones that are just too small to notice.

I Rub My Duckie Jr. The Mia

Eco-friendly? Invest in a rechargeable vibe or the Jimmy Jane Little Chroma or Little Steel vibrator – a removable, replaceable motor means this vibrator has the potential to literally last forever.

Little Chroma

Wanna play with a partner? Something with a cord means someone can use the toy while someone else is controlling the speed or setting. A longer handle means more space to work with. Or something small may fit between bodies easier.

Instinct: And after all of this consideration and my blabbering about the many facets of vibrators, don’t forget about your good old fashion instinct. Urban GoodVibes Legend has it that, a lot of the time, what catches people’s eye when they first come in tends to be what they end up getting at the end of their visit. If something just seems right or intriguing to you, by all means take a chance. We do have a 30-day satisfaction guarantee (for in-store credit or exchange – and no, nothing goes back on the floor for sale, sillies) so your instincts are worth following.

***

So, what’s THE BEST vibrator?

I dunno, you tell me.

* dentaldamAge

In my usual wordy way, I want to offer a disclaimer here – I’m gonna group “senior citisexens” together to make my life easier in the sense of writing and speaking. I know not all senior citizens are senior citisexens, that not all senior citisexens are the same or even similar and that not all people who are literally over fifty or sixty will be able to relate to what I’m going to write about. But hey, without some loose definitions we would never be able to write or talk about anything. So, let’s define, shall we?

Senior Citisexens: typically individuals over 65 years old who, despite our society’s ignorant omission of senior citizens in images and descriptions of sexiness, sexual pleasure and sex in general, retain an image of their bodies as sexual, pleasurable and virile places. Not only do they see themselves and/or their partners in this way but they make steps to experience their bodies and/or those of their partners in this way.

How? Oh you know, by providing and experiencing pleasure! Sexual pleasure! (Which, we should know by now, does not literally need to include the limited definition of penetrative ’sex’).

Like I said before, senior citisexens are all you gray-haired, gracefully aging individuals and couples who come in to start it up after a long dry spell, to accommodate your changing bodies in your sex lives or simply to just spice up what never left. You saunter, strut and roll through our store doors with confidence. The body- and self-awareness your many years have cultivated are often unmatched by the younger and middle-aged clientelle we serve. Your willingness to communicate with us to help us better help you is impressive. And, speaking to an older person often deemed asexual in popular culture about how to get down and dirty is always a great experience for a young whipper snapper like myself.

Ok, so I also know that some of you may identify with senior citisexens but may not be literally over 65 and some of this could apply to you as well. And for those of you who are not senior citisexens yourself but are lovin’ on those who are…you should listen up, too.

Now, some people may have been brought down or have been conditioned to buy into the sexless stereotype of our society’s older folks. For those of you who have not, for example, the senior citisexens who come proudly waltzing through the doors of Good Vibrations on a daily basis, this post is about you.

And for those senior citizens who are lookin’ to get senior citi-sexy – this post is for you. Let’s lead by example…

***

An older man comes in. Mid 70s. He walks straight up to the counter and says. “I’m dating this woman named B****. Now, she’s too shy to come into this store with me, but I told her you all were pretty nice and that I would come in for the both of us. It’s been a while for us both, but we’ve been dating for some time and now we’re ready to start having sex again. Any suggestions on how to make this easier for her?”

Now, this man is asking a question that so many older people come to us with on the regular. Penetrative sex for older female-bodied folks is just not as easy as it may have been in their younger years. That’s just biology. Menopause changes the terrain of female anatomy pretty drastically. Dryness, soreness and tightening and deterioration of the inner vaginal walls are all things that may happen, which can make penetrative sex sound rather unappealing at times.

Deteriorating vaginal walls!?!?!?! That sounds scary!

Aren’t we lucky, then, that we have several ways to cope with the physical and mental stress that comes with these bodily changes? I think so.

* HydraSmooth Lubricant – A cream, water-based lube, it lasts a little longer than liquid lube and has a lotiony texture to it. The feel of the lube has been described as closest to one’s natural body lubrication. Any cream lubricant has this quality – but oh wait, HydraSmooth also contains aloe vera. So it gives back to the body as well. How nice.

* The Dilator Set – Not the sexiest name for a toy in the store, but it does some good stuff. A vibrator with low to high settings, it comes with four different plastic covers which gradually increase in diameter, starting at about a finger’s width and moving up to the size of the average dildo we carry. Vibration helps to ease tense or sore muscles (and also has been known to cause a few clitoral orgasms) while the gradual sizing allows someone to practice and work up at their own pace.

* Silk dildo series and/or slender vibrators (Lady Luster and Velvet Touch are just two examples) – We have a few smaller sized dildos (such as the Silk). The Silk comes in gradual sizes, 1, 2, and 3. While this may not be the most cost-effective option, the nice thing about the Silk series is that they are harnessable and so penetration can occur hands-free between you and a partner. And while The Dilator Set comes in a set-up package, we do have more slender vibrators for relatively low prices ($15-$20) which allow you to utilize vibration and penetration without the whole Dilator Set shebang if that seems like more hardware than you need.

(silk dildos 1, 2 and 3)    (lady luster)

* Here also seems like the right place to put a little plug in for vibrators that have non-vibrating handles. Electric vibrators are some of our strongest. Now, we have electric style vibrators that are rechargeable and cordless. Yeah! What’s so senior citisexy about these? The Acuvibe Jr., for instance, has the strength of an electric without the weight of an electric. It’s light and the handle doesn’t shake with the vibration. This means less pain for arthritic hands. Hurray.

Something like the Fukuoku or the Fingo is arthritic-friendly as well – these are little vibes that go over a finger and are super small and light. No gripping needed. Just slip it over a finger and vibe away.

***

An older woman comes in with her husband. She tells me it’s been a while. That they stopped having sex about seven years ago. After recommending HydraSmooth and a slender dildo, we got down to the real nitty gritty. The psychological aspects of menopause. Not only how your body feels, but how your mind feels about your body. So many people have said that the brain is the largest sexual organ. And it can get rusty when the body does. So what have we got, senior citisexy style?

* Our Bodies, Ourselves: Menopause – a nice, thick, cover-all-that-can-be-thought-of in terms of menopause type of book. Lots of info all in one place.

* Better Than I Ever Expected – written by a fellow Senior Citisexen, Joan Price, this book follows stories of her own journey through gettin’ down after sixty and also includes excerpts from other people’s experiences as well. Relateable, easy-going read which goes into the physical and mental aspects of sex after sixty.

* Still Doing It – Gives a big fat middle finger to the idea that people over sixty are not sexy or sexual – an entire book about people over sixty having sexy sexy sixty sex! Will say, it’s largely heterosexual, but who says just cuz your 60+ you need to read about like-aged people? How often do people ONLY read erotica featuring people like themselves? We’ve got an entire bookshelf dedicated to erotica, smut and pornographic art. Dig in. Activate that mind to help re-activate that body.

***

POSITIONING just ain’t as timber me and limber me wherever and whenever for everyone (and this obvi isn’t just for those older types – differently-abled and pregnant people, this may apply to you as well).

* The Ramp and The Wedge – basically triangular pillows (as featured in Burn After Reading … and then taken off-set by Mr. Clooney…meow). Firmer than pillows though, these excellent designs support positions that the body may not be able to support on its own. Buy them both for a discounted-priced package deal and romp away.

* The Cone – a bigger vibrator than most. It sits by itself on a base and has a bunch of different vibration settings at the touch of a button. You can lean into it instead of needing to hold or position something else on your body. Hands-free. Multiple-position-friendly. Convenient.

***

Male parts may not be as up and at ‘em as they once were. Don’t let this be discouraging…but don’t get ripped off either. Many pills bought for big money in pharmacies and on the internet DO NOT WORK (with the exception of that little blue pill Viagra…but get a prescription). Mostly, these are some expensive sugar pills, and not worth getting ripped off for, which is why you won’t find them at GV. You will find, however, more realistic solutions. Such as…

* Cock rings! When one gets an erection, blood flows into the penis, keeping it hard. The basic idea of cock rings is that they constrict either in front of or behind the testicles, making it harder for blood to flow out. Like most things, results vary. Some people stay harder longer, some people feel more sensitive, some too sensitive, some maybe nothing – some also have vibrators attached for some extra sensation. You won’t know how it will effect you until you try, but for many people this helps a lot more than that $70 sugar pill. New to cock rings? We recommend something flexible, easy to adjust and easy to take off.

* Prostate Play – Though this isn’t directly related to erections, they have been known side effects of the glorious world of prostate play. Prostate exams become routine in the older years and many doctors recommend prostate massage as it decreases the risk of prostate cancer. Lucky for you male-bodied folks, prostate massage can be really pleasurable when done right (a little hint, use a gel lubricant).

While the prostate can be reached with a partner’s fingers, it’s a lot harder to reach with your own. So, we carry many toys for partner and solo prostate play, including the Aneros line of products which were actually designed by doctors to anatomically massage the prostate for medical purposes

…that can be your excuse, if you’re shy. It’s for medical reasons. Promise. No, really. It reduces your risk of prostate cancer.

***

Of course, senior citisexens deal with similar and sometimes the same issues as people of other ages, as well. We get plenty of older folk wondering how to best bend over their boyfriends, tie up their bottoms and lube up their dildos. But we also understand that sex-life is a little different on the other side of that hill. And all I’m sayin’ is, we’re lookin’ out for ya’.

Looking forward  to becoming senior citisexy,

* dentaldamAge

… and all you wanted to do was pee, which, I feel, is a pretty natural right that should be available to anyone anywhere.

Unfortunately, we, in this society and many others, take the triangle dress or the lack-there-of on the bathroom doors pretty seriously. Ridiculous when you break it down in this way, but oh-too-true.

Now, if you’re the type who likes to throw yourself into these situations, fists blazing in protest, enjoying the radicalism of disrupting a homonormative space such as a public bathroom by your gender-queer presence alone, then rock on. I mean, be safe and nonviolent in your political uprisings, but rock it if that’s how you roll.

If you’re the type who just wants to pee, without the stares, verbal abuse or physical boundary-crossing, have we got a website for you.

WWW.SAFE2PEE.ORG

This website is amazing. They are doing great work in providing people access to gender-free or gender-neutral public bathrooms in North America - from our very own San Francisco, California to Vergennes, Vermont. They have maps, pictures, a resource guide and even a form you can fill out to add a gender-free bathroom that you’ve found on your own. They even throw in other factoids such as whether or not this bathroom is accessible to people with differing physical abilities. A rad double-wammy of safe-spaceage.

As I write this, the website boasts 1,684 gender-free bathrooms in 440 cities and more get added each day (and hopefully will by people like yourselves as well, dear readers).

No more squatting in the ever gender-neutral bushes, no more holding it until you get home, no more anxiety over a natural born right such Number 1, Number 2, or just checking your make-up.

And let me tell you right now – if you come to a Good Vibrations after-hours workshop, there will be no gender standards for the bathrooms you will use in our stores. Unfortunately, we cannot provide public gender-free bathroom services during normal business hours, but now, thanks to this website, we can point you in the right direction.

It’s gender-free where I pee,

* dentaldamAge

Being the blabber mouth that I am, I could easily go into some Too Much Information (TMI) territory here. And, trust me, I’m tempted. I even wrote some TMI down. But, alas, too many people know the real identity of dentaldamAge, and we wouldn’t want to take all the fun out of the guessing game…

So, I will just say this. If you have not found your G spot. Or maybe found it once, but sadly never again. Or maybe your ex-boyfriend accidentally found it 5 years ago, but since then you yourself have not been able to find it…theoretically, that is….I have a recommendation:

Read The Good Vibrations Guide: The G-Spot by Cathy Winks.

We carry it in the store. We sell it online. You could probably even find it used. And, lucky for me, it’s on my required reading list as a GV employee.

Now, this may seem like a product plug of some kind. And it is. But, us SESAs in general really, really, believe in the products we plug. And let me tell you, after reading this book and doing a little homework of my own, I cannot recommend this book enough. And here’s why:

* Not including endnotes, this book is 52 pages. Small pages, too. With pictures. So you don’t spend all night reading, and you can spend more time practicing

* It’s $9.50. The price of a sandwich in this city.

* Unlike some how-to sex books or advice columns, this book offers clear information, in straight-forward language. It gets to the point, but it also doesn’t skip over the mental and emotional sides of G spot play and orgasm. Which, is great.

* It covers anatomy. With pictures. And physical exercises that you, or you and a partner, or you and a toy, can do together. So, it applies to real physical life and stimulates other parts of your body besides your brain.

* It also has pictures and blurbs about toys that can help you in your hunt, many of which we carry. Because, one of the trickiest things about the G-spot is many people can’t seem to find it with fingers alone, and must employ a partner or toy as an assistant. I will say here too, we have more toy options than the book covers, so come into the store and we’ll gladly assist.

Now, before you get all excitable, thinking that this 52-page book is the key to unlocking that porn-esque, screaming, squirting, mind blowing G-spot orgasm, let’s just take the pressure off for a quick second.

Everybody’s body is different. (I wish I could really get this point drilled into everyone’s head who walks in the store). Some people may not feel like they have a specific G-”spot”, but more like a general place or feeling or maybe nothing at all. G-spots don’t always lead to, include or involve orgasms – and definitely not one “type” of orgasm.

Also – not everyone likes getting their G-spot touched. (One man that came into the store last month was literally open-mouthed shocked at this suggestion…I mean, does everyone like getting their feet rubbed? Their knuckles cracked? I don’t.)

So, if you’re one of these people, don’t panic. If you’re having mind-blowing sex and fabulous orgasms WITHOUT any kind of G-spot involved, don’t sweat it. Don’t kill yourself over trying to fix what isn’t broken.

Maybe more importantly, this G-spot everyone is always talking about is not the end-all/be-all, the best of the best, if-you-don’t-find-it-your-orgasm-isn’t-as-good-as-mine kind of place that everyone cracks it up to be. What works for you works for you. If that’s the G-spot, great. If that’s your own, whatever you wanna name it spot, awesome. If it makes you say OMG (for you non-tech savvy, that’s shorthand for Oh My God), than that’s a great spot. Right?

Still not satisfied?

Read the book.

Helping you find spots that make you say OMG,

* dentaldamAge

With this reputation, it seems that some of you hetero-presenting bio-boys are a little shy to come in with or without your female-bodied partners. Maybe you feel like you are not our “target audience”, maybe it’s the many female-bodied/-presenting people behind the counter, or maybe you feel that our toys are “not for you”. It may seem like we favor those who rock female-bodies, but let me assure you, we try our best to accommodate you male-bodied folk as well. And while the Rings n’ Things sections with its cock rings, masturbation sleeves and penis pumps seem to scream “bring your male body over here!”, do not feel limited to this section!

Not all of you hetero-coupled male-bodied folk feel this way, I’m sure. And not all of you stick to the Rings n’ Things section like glue. And trust me, I’m generally the first to point out the exception to the rule…

This post, in fact, is inspired by just that.

…

It’s near the end of my shift on some weekday and you, hetero-coupled bio-boy, come strolling up to me, out of all of the lovely SESAs to choose from – and let me tell you, I felt pretty special.

“Can I ask you a weird question?”, you ask me. (And let me just say right now… anyone who prefaces their questions to us like this is generally asking a question we’ve heard three times already that day… people, we work at Good Vibes. We’re hard to shock.) And this is what I tell you, bio boy. Try me, I’m hard to shock.

You explain to me, in the sweetest of manners, without crossing that line into T.M.I. (which, yes, is possible for us SESAs) that you feel as though you are coming too fast for your girlfriend. That when you’re having sex, you feel as though you are done too quickly, and, not only that, but your body physically cannot keep up with her desire for more penetration and fucking.

“So, is it uncommon or unheard of for a guy to wear a strap on to keep fucking his girlfriend?” you ask.

Despite my beaming smile at this question, like a well-trained SESA, I ask a follow-up question to make sure we’re on the same page. “You mean, for a guy to wear a strap-on harness in order to use a dildo on his girlfriend?”

A nervous giggle may have slipped out on your end (totally understandable) and yes, we are on the same page.

So at this point, hetero-presenting bio-boy, I literally am trying to contain myself from jumping up and down with glee. But, struggling to be professional and to keep my emotions out of this interaction, I tell you that that is TOTALLY a valid question, valid thought and valid practice for you to experience with your partner!

***

Let’s pause from the story for a moment. You hearing me, you hetero-coupled bio-boys??

WEARING A STRAP-ON HARNESS OVER YOUR MALE PARTS TO FUCK YOUR PARTNER IS A TOTALLY VALID THING TO DO.

I mean, let’s think about it. If your partner wants (penile) penetrative sex (be it oral, vaginal, anal, or otherwise), a bodily opening may have a little more stamina than an organ that takes specific amounts of blood-flow, arousal and bodily and mental energy to stay erect. That’s just biology. And, if you’re like the hero of our story, your personal body may just not be able to keep up with your/your partner’s desire for penile penetration for a variety of reasons. AND THAT’S FINE. But, you know what’s also fine?

STRAPPING IT ON!

So, let me just tell you, at your local or internet-based GV store, we do indeed have harnesses which will accommodate male anatomy quite nicely.

A harness such as the Terra Firma, for example, has wider-set leg straps that can be adjusted to fit a penis between them comfortably. The Terra Firma is just one of our many harnesses that have this ability, and if and when you come into the store, a friendly SESA will be more than happy to help you find the right harness for you.

Other harnesses, such as the Menage A Trois Harness are actually specifically designed to accommodate a penis or second dildo, allowing for double (or singular) penetration with a harness. The bottom ring could be worn over the shaft of the penis, or, could be worn behind the testicles in a more cock-ring fashion. Either way, a penis will fit in to this harness design just fine.

Now, though the hero of our story has a particular reason for his quest – being that he feels he doesn’t or can’t stay hard long enough to satiate his partner – there are MANY reasons why a bio boy may choose to strap on the silicone (or cyberskin, or jelly rubber, as the case may be). Nobody explains this better than Cathy Winks and Anne Semans in the GV Bible, The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex.

“Not only are no two vaginas alike, but no one vagina is alike all the time. At different times in her life, at different time during the menstrual cycle, and in different intercourse positions, a woman’s vagina will accommodate different-sized objects. A wardrobe of variously sized, shaped, and colored dildos is just as crucial to the well-equipped penetration maven as a wardrobe of clothes for all seasons…” (p.184)

I’ll say right now, a similar sentiment can be applied to anal penetration, too. And yes, yes, yes. We all know that most of y’all think your flesh-and-blood penis is the cat’s meow and cannot be beat by anything else. And you are free to think that way. And I’m sure your partner has a special place for the touch and feel of your flesh-and-blood body that is irreplaceable. But just know that.

And then get over it. Cuz hello…variety is the spice of life my friends. How else are you going to find a purple, rippled, vibrating, phallic object to fuck your partner with unless you suck it up and strap it on?

More quoting now!

“Let’s set the record straight: A dildo is not a penis substitute any more than riding a bike is a substitute for taking a stroll. A dildo is an object that allows you to penetrate yourself or your partner in a marvelous variety of ways… Why should your experiences with penetration be defined by the dimensions of your current partners’ penises or fingers? Few of us limit our dining experiences to eating only whatever is in the refrigerator at home. Think of dildos as the take-out food of the sexual realm; they offer novelty, spice up your routine, and teach you about the range of your appetites.” (p.184)

Back to the story…and I’ll try to keep this short as this is getting long-winded…

***

So hetero-coupled bio-boy and I have a nice chat about all of the wonderful perks and fun that can be had by strapping it on over the good ol’ anatomy. And he is getting psyched. “So, can I ask you a piece of advice?” “Sure,” I tell him. “How do you think I should bring this idea up to my girlfriend?” he asks. In my head, I’m all like, “Wait. This was all YOUR idea? God, you are awesome. Way to suck it up and strap it on.” But, in reality I explain that I’m not so much a relationship counselor so much as I can tell you everything you need to know about how to get yourself and your partner off with the products that GV sells…

We settle on the nice middle ground of hey, if you wanna strap it on and think your partner may not be too hot on this idea, bring her/him into the store (as sucking it up and strapping it on is not strictly a hetero practice by any means). Talking about something with tangible evidence you can touch and ask questions about is usually less scary than someone’s rampant imagination…

We’re pretty nice here at GV, promise. And we want you and your partners to feel good in and outside of the store. Can’t come into the store? Call our call center or chat with us online via our website.

EIther way, if you so desire, we are here to help you and/or your partner suck it up..and strap it on.

Hetero-coupled bio-boy, hero of this story, you have my <3,

* dentaldamAge