Good Vibrations was begun that year by sex therapist and sex educator Joani Blank. That first retail store was opened in San Francisco’s Mission District. It was on 23rd and Guerrero and about as big as a large closet. We even kept our dildos in the top drawer of a filing cabinet! The first store was a friendly, “clean, well-lighted” place for women to receive accurate sex information and quality toys. Not surprisingly, the response was amazing and the store flourished.

Resident staff writer, educator and sexologist Dr. Carol Queen recalls the beginning of Good Vibes: “Good Vibrations was definitely started with the needs of women shoppers in mind. It was a bit of a surprise to the early staffers that men wanted to shop here too — after all, men had their own stores! The earliest male customers had to explain that not all men liked those places. They wanted access to good quality merchandise and information in a comfortable atmosphere, just as women did. Gradually, founder Joani Blank began to shift the business’ focus from just women to ‘people interested in sex.’”

Even before she opened the first store, Joani had founded Down There Press in 1975. She wanted to provide books on sexuality that were not available through mainstream bookstores and publishers. Her first books were The Playbook for Women about Sex and The Playbook for Men about Sex. Down There Press has since grown to include 15 additional titles, with 12 currently in print. These include the Herotica series and groundbreaking works such as Femalia, Anal Pleasure and Health and A Kid’s First Book About Sex.

Deborah Mayer, our Staff Relations Coordinator, has been working at Good Vibrations for 14 years. “I started in the second Good Vibes store, at 22nd and Guerrero [just around the corner from the first store] in San Francisco. We were open very few hours a day and I spent most of the day sitting in a massage chair reading erotica. This was back in 1987. I’m a hedonist and I’m delighted to share the message of pleasure. At this point, I have a hard time thinking of working anywhere else. One thing I love about Good Vibrations is that we’ve managed to keep our personal way of dealing with customers. We take the time to not only sell but to educate. We listen carefully to our customers. We really care.”

Good Vibrations’ first mail order catalog, offering books and toys, was sent out in 1985. In 1988, The Sexuality Library catalog of books and videos was launched to separate the toys from the other products. We have since combined everything again into a larger catalog.

“Before we were a co-op, we were a democratically managed business — in regularly scheduled staff meetings, employees made decisions together with owner Joani Blank. The group’s experiences with democratic management laid the groundwork for Good Vibrations’ transition into a co-op and Joani’s decision to sell her business to the workers. Even before that transition, the staff had changed a long-time policy not to carry adult videos. Led by porn connoisseur Susie Bright, the staff convinced Joani to give it a try — and now Good Vibes has begun making movies of its own!” says Carol Queen.

In 1992 Joani sold the business to the staff. We were restructured as a worker-owned cooperative, which is the model of business we still operate under. Being a cooperative is an important part of Good Vibrations. Each owner has a voice and we all get an equal say in the governance of the business. I believe I can speak for everyone when I say that being part of a cooperative is our preferred way of doing business. Being a coop is a good reflection of the type of business we are. The business of sex, or the type of sex business we work in, is a very personal business. Owning our own company reflects that personal nature.

One thing I can say about Good Vibrations and how different it is from all other places I have ever worked is how much the workers really care. I have never met a group of people who honestly care so much about what they do and how they do it.

This caring is reflected in our mission statement: “Open Enterprises is a worker-owned, women-owned cooperative providing access to accurate sex information and sex toys, books and videos through its retail, mail order and publishing companies, to promote healthy attitudes about sex.”

Good Vibrations currently employs 130 workers with about 60 worker-owners (the rest are on worker-owner track and will be owners after approximately nine months of Good Vibrations employment). Working at Good Vibrations is akin to having a relationship with 130 people. With any relationship, open, honest communication is essential. We teach the importance of communication in our sexual education and we try to live it as coop workers/ worker-owners. The principles we strive to follow are openness, honesty, communication, community service, sharing resources and diversity. This may sound like a bunch of San Francisco new-age abstractions but it’s not. When I first started work at Good Vibes I heard all of this and didn’t believe it was possible in a business. Boy, was I wrong.

As part of our honesty we test and review each and every product. We do not sell you anything we wouldn’t use, read or watch ourselves. We strive to promote a sex-positive attitude and sexual health and pleasure. We throw the words “sex-positive” around a lot, but basically all that means is accepting people and what they want to do — or wherever else they want to do it! Any form of consensual sex between adults is okay by us. We believe that pleasure is a birthright. We want you to be happy.

We recently had our Spring Annual Planning Meeting. In this meeting all owners and many trackers come together to discuss the future of Good Vibrations. We vote on new board members and talk about our strategic plans for the next few years. This year was very interesting. Our board President, Ziadee Whiptail, led us through a creative visualization exercise. The entire staff sat together in a circle, closed our eyes and envisioned Good Vibrations in 10 years. It was incredibly enlightening and interesting to see what various people thought was most important about Good Vibrations. Many people felt that retaining the coop was most important, others focused on education, while others pinpointed diversity and better serving communities that currently are underserved in the area of sex education. The most overwhelming thing was how committed to Good Vibes everyone is and how positive everyone is about our future. The all-staff meetings are wonderful. After the meeting Ziadee told me that what “jazzed me up the most was hearing how far everyone wanted to take our mission in terms of changing culture, changing the way mainstream people view sex, our government views sex, and how public schools view sex.” For me, it’s inspiring to see all of these creative people working hard to create, manage and maintain a very successful business that has sexual health, pleasure and education as its focus. I work with 130 lesbians, dykes, queers, bisexuals, transgenders, transvestites and straight men and women. Many of us have tattoos, piercings, dyed hair — we would be considered “unemployable” by much of corporate America. But here at Good Vibes we are accepted for who we are and what we are — our beliefs, standards and ability to work are the only things that are important.

Our growth has been exponential. According to Priscilla Castillo, our Human Resources Manager, we employ about 20 to 30 new workers a year. Even though we are no longer a “small business” we have many goals that are unique to a company our size, actually, goals that are unique to almost any company. “Diversity has changed tremendously in the last three years. In training, in our staff and in our company strategic goals. We are one of the few companies that has diversity as a company goal.” If you walk into a Good Vibrations store you will not see a group of middle-class Caucasian women and men. You will see representatives from the Latino, Asian and African-American communities, every age, every gender and every economic class.

The best way for us to get our “mission” across is by doing it through great customer service. Thus, the new web site. According to Krissy, our Web Manager, “We hope that people will find the site much easier to navigate. The shopping is much more user-friendly so people will hopefully find it easier to shop. We also hope that people will enjoy new features, such as gift certificates that you can redeem online, over the phone or in our stores. People will be able to tell what’s in stock and search the site.”

“We were definitely overdue for the change,” says Krissy. “Customers have been asking for a web site that is easier to shop with. We will be able to provide better customer service with our new site, and that’s our goal.”

Good Vibrations is the best place I’ve ever worked. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you it’s amazing. If you are ever in San Francisco or Berkeley, please come visit us at one of our two retail locations — and enjoy the new web site!

Sugar High Glitter City is the sweet (bet you saw that coming) new feature by dyke duo Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano, otherwise known as SIR Video. “Sugar High” features a sex-crazed world where sugar is outlawed. Thus, it creates all the normal problems that happen when you make something illegal — the big one being crime. Sugar Hos who have to work for their saccharine fix, Sugar Pimps (naturally), a Sugar Vice Squad (which can always be bribed) and Anti-Sugar Religious Sects (you’ve never seen soul savin’ like this). The loose plot is hysterical and a strong statement about the ridiculousness of rules. But this is porn, so more important than the plot is the fact that the sex is steaming hot. The fantasy/role-playing quotient is high and guaranteed to get everyone, no matter gender, or sexuality, off. In each sex scene there are real orgasms: the Sugar Hos really come and the Sugar Daddys really make them. I got the chance to talk to Sugar Mama and Daddy Shar and Jackie and see what they were up to and how life as big porn producers was treating them.

Good Vibes: Why did you make this particular movie? It seems that you broke into the mainstream porn market with Hard Love and How to Fuck in High Heels and Sugar High seems very edgy. Why did you decide to make such an edgy film? What do you think the reaction will be?

Shar: We make movies from our own turn-ons and experiences. Hard Love is a universal experience — fighting and fucking your ex. High Heels came from an orgy when Jackie and I were tag-team-topping but she was in boots and I was doing the same job only in six-inch acrylic mules. Hello. Then our new lovely baby Sugar came from a real fantasy that we’ve played many times “Sugar Pimp & Candy Ho.” By the way that was the original title.

GV: How has the reaction been so far?

Jackie: The San Francisco film festival sold out, great sales, and hot fan mail so that’s looking good. Lesbianation.com called it “hotter than an atomic fireball…” we liked that.

GV: Sugar High seems to make some drug references. How does this fit with the sex-positive communities philosophy of making sure that drugs are not seen as an impetus for having sex? Was the drug use a conscious decision based on the avoidance I mentioned above?

Shar: Well it was fat lines of pixie stick sugar off pussy and ass not coke on mirrors. We like mirrors on the ceilings. I mean Jackie only did Red Bull drinks while everyone else was “totally off their tits on eckies” (US translation: “high on ecstasy”) at Sydney Australia Mardi Gras. I of course am just a high-wired insomniac who needs no drugs at all. Seriously, sex is our drug of choice and we’re pleasure activists (thanks Annie!). We don’t condone doing anything where you have to check out in order to be sexual but when you want to consciously and responsibly add layers to your love fests, who are we to judge?

GV: Okay. Then what’s your obsession with sugar?

Jackie: It is sweet, sticky, yummy and it tastes so good being licked off of skin. It is made from sugar cane which along with tobacco was/is one of the major exports from the New World that contributed to the imperial colonization and subjugation of indigenous peoples and the slaves transported here — sugar means money and money means controlling politics — from the Republicans fixing elections in Florida, to anti Castro Cubans mixed with old Havana gangster money, to the puppet dictators in countries like Haiti… if only we had had more of a budget we could have gotten into the political ramifications and historical implications of that evil white controlled substance… alas we boiled it down to a short narrative about what happens once it is outlawed and hitting the front lines in the streets.

GV: You know, I totally didn’t even get that that was insulin in the beginning.

Jackie: What else would it be?

GV: There’s lots of sugar and lots of dick sucking in your new film. Can you explain this? Is it part of a new gender bending community? It seems that a dyke porn would have more pussy licking than dick sucking. Can you tell me why you chose to focus the sex the way you did?

Shar: You know where we have great cock-sucking? In Bend Over Boyfriend 2. Those boys couldn’t get enough of it. I would say “cut” and they just wanted to keep on sucking their girl’s babe-dick. Cock-sucking is a role-playing act that can also feel fabulous for the suckee besides giving the sucker a sense of power or submission depending on what button gets pushed and what fantasy works for both. Gender-bending can be a big part of role-playing. SIR always prides itself in featuring a lot of dirty-talk and fantasy-play. We want you to be turned on watching us but we also want you to indeed try this at home! We love hearing from fans that tell us they played sugar pimp last night and loved it.

GV: You are representing the San Francisco dyke community. How do you think people in the “mainstream porn biz” will respond to these “real dykes”?

Shar: Well we already experienced what they think with Hard Love which has been out for a year and won Best All-Girl Feature 2001 from AVN [Adult Video News], the traditional LA porn industry’s trade magazine who hosts the Porno Awards each year. We shall see how they respond to Sugar High Glitter City — who knows? So far we were reviewed by Playboy.com and the biggest thing they like to talk about is butches.

Jackie: Speaking as a butch dyke, I explain that my sexuality has a lot in common with straight male fantasy except one major exception — I make sure the girl comes by getting fucked and that the scene doesn’t culminate in her face getting splattered with ejaculation. I think that if you are a sexual person who enjoys hot sex, role-play, chemistry, and dirty talk — you will enjoy our movies regardless of orientation, we also have a lot of humor in our videos, which folks seem to respond well to across the board.

GV: What do you think of the portrayal of lesbians in mainstream porn films?

Shar: Mixed reaction. They don’t have sex the way that we do. They are getting better though. Also we know many of the actresses absolutely love having sex with women despite their long nails and tanning bed looks. There’s a big difference between girl-on-girl scenes and ours. Their scenes are to give the viewer two-pussys-not-one! Ours is to show hot dyke sex.

GV:What is your favorite porn film?

Shar: Oh unfair. Insatiable as an overall flick but really I love Chloe and Jeanna Fine. I love Jeanna’s parts in Cafe Flesh 2 and I love Ooze. Chloe in Masseuse 3 and Sean Michaels in Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Jackie: Jeanna Fine and Chloe scenes, no real complete fave, what really gets me going is anal scenes with a big guy and small woman who is really getting off on it. (Chloe!) I also like really nasty skanky gay male porn. I can’t think of a favorite because I usually like one scene or two not the whole thing.

GV: What’s your favorite lesbian porn film? (Not including your own!)

Both: Well that means we are choosing from Fatale titles and I like them all.

Shar: Safe is Desire or Clips.

Jackie: Suburban Dykes.

GV: How has your life changed since winning the AVN award for Hard Love?

Shar: Mmmm, not much just more work but we love our work so that’s great.

GV: What is your next project?

Jackie: The video version of Staci Haines’ remarkable book Survivor’s Guide to Sex.

GV: What is the best thing that has happened to you, either personally or professionally, since you started making porn movies?

Jackie: Going to Sydney, Australia where we were the special guests for their Film Festival and Mardi Gras festivities, that was a high point. Also getting feedback from dykes across the USA who thank us and bless us for doing what we do and for putting those images out there for them to enjoy and relate to.

GV: I’m sure people wonder if it’s hard on your relationship to be in the porn biz (especially being in porn). Can you say a bit about this? Has it been good for the two of you? How do you deal with it?

Jackie: It just so happens that we run a video production and distribution company that produces adult material, I mean running your own business is hard enough, the porn element is not the big deal. We are proud of our tapes — for me running my own business ties into the immigrant work ethic I was raised with (both sides are from somewhere else) I don’t do well working under other people and at 34 I retired from all that to start my own business with Shar who is my life partner, wife, soul mate, partner in crime, best friend, and fellow dream chaser. We trust each other completely and work together like a well-oiled piston pumping machine. The hard part is stopping yourself from working seven days a week. We get to play secretary and boss (ha ha). The biggest key to dealing with it all is our sense of humor that always pulls us through. I told Shar from day one that her Midwest Calvinistic work tendencies had to mesh with my Mediterranean lifestyle (work, siesta, work, take a month or so off each year) and we have done pretty darn good. We kick each other’s butts when needed then kidnap each other to jump in the van and drive up to the river or have a margarita or go for a swim.

GV: Has anyone asked either of you to sign their tits yet?

Jackie: No, but we have gotten requests for more than just signing something. Heh heh.

GV: What was the best thing that happened during the making of Sugar High?

Shar: Seeing my sugar fantasies come true — like being a little kid on the playground and all the other kids want to play your game. The scenes where the actors really got into their sugar acting like in the beginning of the movie where Blue and Bitta Honey struggle over the sucker — that gave me the biggest hard-on. Or when Charlie Skye (playing high-end hustler Rock Candy) really takes a minute to appreciate the sugar she just licked off Miss Goldie Icing’s pussy before kissing Goldie. I thought I would have to remind everyone that “sugar is outlawed and really get into it this precious commodity” but I didn’t have to at all. They loved playing our game and sooooo got into it.

Anal sex may be one of the biggest taboos left in our society. Some people still view it as “dirty,” “bad,” or even “disgusting.” For some women this is a major block. It may help to look at why anal sex is seen this way and to see whether or not you personally agree with these opinions. Many taboos were put into place long ago before we, as a society, were informed about the safety and pleasure of anal play, and are therefore outdated. For other women the taboo itself can be a real turn-on. Some of us like things that feel “dirty.” There is nothing wrong with that. What feels good to one person may not feel good to another. It’s important to recognize whatever you are feeling and know that it’s okay.

For many, anal sex also carries the idea that the receiver is being put in the most submissive posture he or she can be in. Many people feel that anal sex is demeaning or humiliating. Some people enjoy this power play and may get off on being dominated. But if you don’t, this notion may make enjoying yourself and relaxing even more difficult. There are many ways to deal with these issues — you can examine them and accept them for what they are, or ignore them and enjoy anal sex as a sensual, playful experience.

Probably the most common misconception about anal sex is that it has to be painful. Sex should never be painful unless you want it to be. The anus is filled with many sensitive nerve endings and anal sex can be quite pleasurable. Many women can even achieve orgasm from anal stimulation or anal play can add pleasure to a genital orgasm. Like the vagina, the anus contracts during orgasm. If you are experiencing climax from masturbation or vaginal intercourse then having something for your anus to tighten around may even increase your orgasm.

Communication

Good communication is a key part of any healthy sexual experience. You may be nervous or ashamed to talk to your partner about anal sex. You can bring it up casually and see how your partner reacts. Once you are engaging in anal sex, it is crucial that you tell your partner if something hurts. If you are not comfortable enough talking about it then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.

You and your partner should negotiate how you are going to begin your play. Anal sex should be started slowly. It’s important that both people be able to relax. Knowing what’s going to happen may make this easier. You may also want to choose a “safe word” in case it is too painful. A “safe word” is a word that you don’t normally say, that you say when you want things to stop. Anal intercourse is something that may have to be worked up to. It’s okay if it takes a while until you are used to having your asshole played with. Your partner should be patient with you and be available to discuss your needs and how you are feeling.

Getting Started

Masturbation can help you become familiar with your body while you learn what makes you orgasm best and easiest. Anal masturbation is no different. It’s helpful to play with yourself and see how much you can take. This will prepare you ahead of time for the sensations you may experience and help you know what you want. It’s helpful to know what you like and communicate it to your partner.

You may want to start your anal play with a finger. Make sure your nails are clipped with no sharp edges, as rectal tissue is thin and can tear easily. Apply a generous amount of thick, water-based lubricant to your anus and finger. Inhale, and press your finger against the opening. As you exhale, relax and gently slide your finger in. Be easy on yourself and stop if you feel pain. Move your finger around, press against the walls, pull it in or out — see what feel comfortable for you. Don’t push it. It’s supposed to feel good.

The great thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to worry about anyone else. You can concentrate solely on your pleasure. You also don’t have to worry about what anyone else thinks of you, your body, or anything that you’re doing. Hopefully, you don’t have to worry about these things with a partner either. But, a common concern surrounding anal sex is that you may be “dirty” or somehow unclean. Many women find it embarrassing to think about leaving traces of feces on their partner’s penis or a dildo. While feces are completely natural, and sometimes this can’t be helped, this worry is totally understandable.

An enema or anal douche may make you feel more confident that your rectum is clean. An enema is basically when you put liquid into your anal canal and lower rectum, hold it inside and then release it. You can buy disposable enemas in a drugstore. Some women enjoy getting enemas. You can incorporate this into your sexual play. You can also take a shower or bath right before engaging in anal play. A shower or bath can be a sexy way to get you or you and your partner in the mood and is also a great way to relax.

Doing It

Anal intercourse can be one of the most intimate and amazing sexual acts you ever experience. Get comfortable and relax. A shower or even erotic massage can help. Remember — you may not be the only one who is afraid. Your partner may be scared of hurting you as well so make sure you communicate clearly. It’s important to move slowly and explore. Sex isn’t all about getting there or “finishing.”

Make sure you have condoms and lube readily available. Have your partner lube up a finger and massage or stroke the opening of your anus to get you ready. You can also try rimming (for more about rimming, read “Now That’s What I Call a Rim Shot!” by Violet Blue). Have your partner apply lots of lube to your anus and his or her dick or toy. Then have him or her press the tip at the opening of your anus, then have them move slowly into you, while you call the shots. Your partner should enter you slowly as you adjust to see what feels right. Remember to breathe and try to relax. You may want your partner to stroke you slowly as they completely enter you. You may not want your partner to go in all the way. That’s fine, just be sure to communicate what feels good. As you become more comfortable, you can direct your partner’s motions until you have a speed and pressure that feels good.

There are many different positions you can try: side by side, doggie-style or with you on top. You should do whatever is easiest and most comfortable for you. If you want, you can stimulate your own genitals with your finger or another toy. The main point is to have fun and enjoy yourself.

You may or may not climax. Either way it’s okay. The sensations of anal intercourse can be intense enough. Orgasm may have to be reached another way, if at all. Just try to enjoy anal sex for what it is without concentrating on the “outcome.”

Lots of Lube

One of the most important things in anal play is lube. Water-soluble lubes are good because they clean up easily. Thicker lubes may be easier because they can be applied less frequently. Our staff at Good Vibrations recommends Slippery Stuff Gel and Maximus. Remember that oils and oil-based lubes destroy latex so don’t use them with condoms.

It’s a good idea to keep applying lube as you play so make sure you have your lube handy. Lube is one of those things that you can never have enough of. Incorporating lube into your anal play can be fun and erotic. Often the lube is cold and that can provide a different and sometimes highly erotic sensation. It’s fun to get gushy. After all, being wet is often a large part of some sex play.

Plugs, Dildos and Strap-ons

There are many sex toys that can be used anally. Plugs, dildos, strap-ons… just make sure that your toy has a flared base so it doesn’t slip up into your rectum. Toys are a great way to begin playing. They can be used for anal masturbation and can be added to vaginal intercourse. Toys have allowed anal intercourse to be accomplished in a number of ways. A man fucking the ass of a woman, a woman fucking the ass of a man, a woman fucking a woman with a dildo, butt plug or other sex toy, or two men fucking. Thank god for the strap-on!

One of the great things about sex toys is that you can vary the size. You can start small, like with a Little Flirt and as you get more comfortable you can grow to a Tristan. The inflatable Plump Plug allows you to experience different sizes all in the same session. If you’ve never had anal sex before it’s a good idea to start small and work your way up. There is no reason to jump into anal play with the biggest thing out there. Part of the fun may be growing into bigger and better toys. Don’t be a size queen and feel bad about starting small, you may be amazed at how large that Little Flirt actually feels once it’s inside of you!

Safety

Your anus isn’t inherently unclean. However, feces can contain bacteria and most vaginas are moist and warm — two conditions that bacteria love. Never insert something into your vagina after it’s been in your anus. Not even a finger. Condoms, or finger cots, can be used. They can easily be pulled off and changed if you want to move any toy or body part from the anus to vagina. Either that or make sure to wash your hands, any other toy, or body part with anti-bacterial soap and hot water before moving from your asshole to your pussy. Since getting up and washing isn’t usually the easiest thing to do in the heat of the moment I highly recommend using condoms. I don’t know any women who like infections and it’s way better to be safe than sorry.

The walls of the rectum are thin and tear easily. This can lead to a higher risk of transmitting STDs, including HIV and even hepatitis. It is very important to practice safe sex and use a condom when engaging in anal sex.

The End

Anal sex is nothing to be ashamed of. It can be a very pleasurable, intense experience. In the past few years we have seen a new awakening of anal awareness thanks to sex educators such as Tristan Taormino (Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women) and Jack Morin (Anal Pleasure and Health). If you are interested in exploring anal eroticism or simply learning more there are many books and videos you can check out:

Anal Pleasure and Health
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (book and DVD)
Bend Over Boyfriend 1 and 2

The San Francisco dyke scene is small considering San Francisco is the Queer Capitol of the world, and as anyone who has taken a girl (or two) home from the Lexington, will tell you, it’s also incestuous. Since the lesbian community is so small and tight-knit how come a woman stage has never happened before? And how did San Francisco, as the Queer City, let this happen? Why is the epicenter of gay culture not paying enough attention to its women?

As Teddy Witherington, the Executive Director of Pride says, “In order to put on a venue there needs to be need, will and resources. For the last three years that I have been working with Pride, those haven’t been combined. It’s been on the radar and there has been a shift in our policy to give greater visibility to underserved communities. We have a more diverse board of directors now and Pride is always a work in progress.” That’s fantastic but I never realized that women were underserved communities. It’s telling that the director of Pride refers to women this way. Don’t we deserve as much recognition as our gay brethren?

Finally, we have Nectar. And this isn’t just for dykes — it’s for all women. Nectar, the first of its kind, is a collaboration of some of the women’s community’s most successful independent producers. Four amazing women have done what no women have done before — got the cream of the lesbian crop to perform and represent the XX chromosomes at Pride. Kendall Nichols, Carmen Morrison, Sini Anderson and Andrea Burnett have worked long and hard to make Nectar a reality.

The women that are making the dream of Nectar into a reality are powerful businesswomen who revolutionize everything they touch. Kendall is the former Production Coordinator for San Francisco Pride 2000 and managed the Pride Parade. Carmen is an independent producer and club promoter in San Francisco, as well as an international business professional with companies such as Charles Schwab under her belt. Sini is founder of the legendary Sister Spit and one of this year’s chief Curators of The National Queer Arts Festival. Andrea runs her own PR firm and currently works with Good Vibrations. These credentials are nothing to sneeze at. The “will, need and resources” that Witherington mentioned only happened due to the hard work of these four talented women — who are all working on a volunteer basis. Nectar is a grassroots operation: all the money has come from donations.

Their hard work promises to pay off. Nectar promises to be diverse. It promises to rage. It promises to be the place to be.

Nectar will feature music, both live and DJ, spoken word performances, dance, poetry slams, comedy and an array of performances. With a line-up like: Me’shell Ndegeocello, Kinnie Starr, Melissa Ferrick, The Butchies, Bitch & Animal, Tribe 8, Marcus Renee Van, Kassy Kayiatos, Kindness, Once, Shelly Doty, Matuma, Betty, Sistah Boom, Medusa and DJ Olga T, it has to be a rocking time.

As organizer Sini Anderson says, “San Francisco Pride is highly recognized the world over by both straights and gays. As Nectar’s mission statement proclaims, this is ‘not just a musical/performance stage, it is a message to the world that women need proper representation and are coming en masse to ensure that it is accommodated.’”

Thanks Nectar! It’s been a long time coming and we’ll be savoring every juicy drop.

Check out Nectar’s schedule and line-up at http://www.nectarproductions.org.

Oral sex is one of the best things you can do for a woman. It can be a sure-fire ride to orgasm. In fact, some women come best from being eaten. Guys, if you give good head, you’ll be a better lover. Gals, well, you know what I mean.

Feel Comfortable

If you don’t know your way around a pussy here’s a quick primer: outer lips (least sensitive), inner lips (more sensitive), and the clitoris (very sensitive). The clit is the hooded nub where the two inner lips join — the key to orgasm.

Get physically comfortable. Don’t expect her to be clawing out your hair immediately; some women can take an hour or more to get there. Have her lie down with her legs spread and you between them. You should be able to look into her eyes while getting your tongue and fingers all the way inside. Putting a couple of pillows under her ass may help you avoid getting a crick in your neck. Make sure none of your weight is on her and vice versa. Like any good Girl, or Boy, Scout: be prepared.

Like any other sexual act, communication is key. If you think she’s special then tell her so. Expressing how beautiful you find her and helping her let down her guard may help you both relax. Relaxation is one of the keys to a successful orgasm. And don’t be afraid to ask her what she likes — you may even get lucky with a surprise masturbation show.

Here’s a tip for all you impatient folk: Don’t head straight for the clit. It’s extremely sensitive, even pain causing, so work your way up to it. As she gets more aroused, she’ll get less sensitive. Be sexy. Tease her. This is sex, not work — you have all the time in the world. Build excitement: Lick and kiss your way from the inner thigh to home plate.

The Act

Breathe on her muff, brushing your lips lightly over her pussy. But don’t tease long enough to irritate — if she’s pushing on your head to get you moving then pay attention. Gently open her outer lips with your fingers and lick the inside. Softly run your tongue from her cunt to her clit. Now fuck her cunt with your tongue, circling the tip. While this usually feels good it may not be earth-shattering. I can’t stress enough that every woman is different and must be treated accordingly. Ask, ask, and ask again. “Does this feel good?” is never a stupid question.

So lap again — from the cunt to the clit. Make your tongue pointed and stiff, then head for the kill. Gently flick her love button. If you’re causing discomfort, soften your tongue and roam around, but keep coming back to her clit. There is nothing more annoying than someone who is almost on the right spot. If she’s in ecstasy then don’t relieve the building pressure. Because now it’s time for the…

Fingers

Fingers are essential. Start slowly with one while sucking on her nub. Take the exposed clit into your mouth, gently sucking while flicking your tongue over and around it. Unless she asks you to, don’t bite. Those screams aren’t always from pleasure. On the other hand, you don’t have to wait for her to ask you, again, feel free to keep checking in — open communication is always the best policy.

It’s time for another finger. If she likes to feel full she’ll ask for more. Pull them in and out or wiggle them around. One trick is to hold your hand so your palm is facing the front of her body, with two fingers inside. Make a motion like you are rapidly waving hello, continually sucking on that clit.

The Climax

When she’s ready to come, hold on. If she’s on the verge of climax, don’t move away from her clit. Unless you want to tease or torture her, that’s just cruel.

When her orgasm hits she might grab your hair, push your head, twitch, spasm, and tighten her legs until your ears ring. Go until she tells you to stop.

What if she doesn’t come? If this is someone you just met or haven’t had much sex with, she may not feel comfortable enough. An orgasm puts you in a vulnerable state. When I first started having sex I was afraid let myself let go; I thought I would piss on my lover’s face or something equally embarrassing. I got over it, but some women just can’t come. You may want to ask her if there’s something different or more you can do. If not, that’s okay. If it feels like something should be said then let her know that you understand, in a sincere and considerate way. If she doesn’t feel like talking to you then don’t push it. Just be there when she’s ready.

As you get more comfortable, try new techniques — draw out the alphabet, look for her G-spot. Variety is the spice of life but there is something to be said for the tried and true. In short, pay attention to what works.

You’re now a queen or king of cunnilingus. Pat yourself on the back and stock up on those dams.