Good Vibrations Magazine

This originally appeared on tressugar.com.

“I am sexually active and I am able to have clitoral orgasm by myself or with the right partner but I can’t seem to have a G-spot orgasm. I’ve never had an orgasm during sex without clitoral stimulation. I still really enjoy sex even without orgasm but I want to experience a G-spot orgasm. I’ve looked up diagrams and asked friends, lovers and strangers and I’m pretty sure I’ve located the spot, but it just doesn’t seem to get me off. It feels more like a strange almost uncomfortable feeling and like I am going to wet the bed! Can all women have a G-spot orgasm and I just need practice or should I just give up and be happy that I’m lucky enough to reach any kind of orgasm at all?”

No matter how much we hear about the G-spot, it’s always a bit mysterious. That’s because different women have very different experiences with G-spot play and, unfortunately, there’s not a lot of good research on it. Heck- science still can’t even agree on whether there is a G-spot in the first place! But enough women and their partners have described their experiences that we have some really good info, even if the scientists can’t find it.

For folks who are less familiar with the G-spot, it’s a small area of tissue that surrounds the urethra, so it’s sometimes called the paraurethral sponge (it’s made of spongy tissue). To find it, insert a finger into the vagina and curve it towards the belly button. For most women, the G-spot is difficult or impossible to find unless they’re already aroused because it engorges with blood. In fact, many women find that G-spot stimulation is uncomfortable unless they’re turned on. For some women, the G-spot may be a bit rougher than the surrounding vaginal wall or it may even be raised a bit, making it easier to locate.

Since you mention the sensation of feeling like you need to pee, I should mention that that’s quite common with G-spot play, so you can definitely be sure that you’ve found the right spot. G-spot play won’t make you suddenly pee, even if it feels like it will. It can take a while to get used to, especially if fears of wetting the bed get in the way. Go to the bathroom right before or lay a towel down, if that helps you feel better.

For all of the publicity that the G-spot gets, not everyone enjoys G-spot play. Yes, practice can make it feel better and I’ll offer you some tips, but if you try them and still don’t enjoy it, don’t stress about it. A lot of other women have the same experience, but we don’t usually hear from them. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you. There are lots of ways to explore the G-spot. Some of them are easier with a partner than flying solo, unless your wrist is pretty flexible, so your mileage may vary. But here are a few to get you started.

First off, you may find that G-spot play feels better when it’s combined with something tried-and-true. Start off with something you like, like a vibrator or massaging your clitoris. When you’re already turned on, it’ll be easier to find the G-spot and it’ll be more likely to feel good. You can also combine G-spot play with clitoral stimulation, either by hand or with a vibrator (this is a lot easier with a partner).

One of the most popular ways to pleasure the G-spot is by inserting a finger or two and making the “come here” motion. You can also try making circles or tapping it. Some women like more intense sensations and others prefer milder ones, so you need to try it out for yourself and see what works best.

Fingers, however, do have a tendency to get tired and there’s a limit to what sensations they can provide, so I’m a big fan of G-spot toys. There are a lot of vibrators and dildos designed for the G-spot. They usually have a curve near the tip, which presses on the sensitive spot. The toys give you a few more options than fingers can sometimes manage, such as sliding in and out or a windshield wiper motion. Plus they don’t get tired. The Rabbit-style vibrators have a rotating shaft for stronger sensations. Lots of women love the way they feel, but they’re too intense for some, so I don’t recommend them unless you know you like strong G-spot play.

You might also find that G-spot sensations feel better in some positions than in others. Different positions activate different muscles of the pelvis and you might find that makes a difference. Try changing the angle of your legs, or try it while on your hands and knees. One popular position for partner G-spot fun is over the lap, as if you were getting a spanking. This is actually a lot easier on your partner’s wrist than the traditional “on your back” position, so you both might prefer it.

I think it’s also worth mentioning that being goal-oriented often short circuits sexual pleasure. It can be hard to let go of that when so many people rave about G-spot fun. But it’s amazing how many people have told me that they were able to experience an orgasm from a particular kind of stimulation once they stopped worrying about it. So I encourage you to continue to explore what feels good to you, while also not worrying about it. After all, lots of women enjoy G-spot pleasure, but don’t orgasm from it. If it feels good for a while, and then you switch to something more likely to get you over the top, that’s just fine.

For more information about the G-spot, check out The Expert Guide to the G-spot (DVD) or Female Ejaculation and the G-spot (book).