Good Vibrations Magazine

What led you to become a Sex Educator?

I have always been an advocate in living your life the way that gives you joy. And sex is still one of those subjects that can bring a sense of anxiety, sometimes dread. Especially if you feel you don’t fit in the traditional mind-set out there in America (even if they may actually love nice exhibitionist sex but afraid to admit it.)

My intention is to dispel the myths of what is “normal” or natural and help empower people to claim who they are. I have always had a penchant for developing rapport with almost anyone and can help them to feel comfortable to ask the delicate questions. My intention is to assist others finding their own sexual empowerment and know on a cellular level that they are happy and healthy when they can claim all aspects of their lives and especially sexually.

One of the reasons I love being a sex educator for good vibrations is we are here to give information to empower people by being truthful about their bodies and sexual feelings. Sometimes all a person needs is knowing they are wonderful just as they are and whether they enjoy watching adult movies or anal play or BDSM-it is a fun sex-positive form of expression.

How did you start giving sex advice?

When I was in my mid-20’s, I was in a relationship with a bi-sexual man, I got to meet a lot of people who were still struggling with exploring different sides of their sexuality. There were very little books out there on bi-sexuality or poly-amorous relationships-which at the time I was having different relationships along with my primary relationship.

We both went to the bi-sexual center in Berkeley and met a lot of really great people all exploring different aspects of their sexual natures. Because there wasn’t a lot of information out there for validation, we had to find ways to validate ourselves.

That is when I realized that people are just people and if you are doing something that feels right for you and you are not hurting anyone that is all that matters. So by talking to people and sharing my experiences with them in a safe, nurturing dialogue I realized that I was helping others feel good about themselves and helped them over a lot of hurdles.

Where did you get your education in sexuality?

You could say I started “on the job’ so to speak. In my 20’s I was involved in a swinging lifestyle and by talking to different people from doctors to actresses and various partners, I learned a lot about not just technique but also how to communicate in a sex positive way. It was very empowering for a former catholic school girl. But I have also gotten a wealth of sex education from Good Vibrations. In addition to the many books, and DVDs we carry, I have learned so much from Dr. Carol Queen, Dr. Charlie Glickman. They are a wealth of information. And I have been able to pass their knowledge and wisdom to our customers.

What do you love about giving sex advice?

Sex is a big part of our lives and when we are faced with a challenge or wonder how to fit in, sometimes just saying “What ever you enjoy doing, that is consensual and doesn’t hurt anyone is sex positive.” I have spoken to many people who seem to feel a sense of relief and then happy anticipation of the avenues they will feel comfortable exploring.

How has what you’ve done or found at Good Vibrations helped you?

I have learned so much about different ways of sexual expression. This is not a one size fits all sexuality and with the many classes I have taken through the years, the many books I have read and even the conversations I have had with other customers and co-workers, it has opened up my eyes in sex-positivity. The information I have gotten is invaluable and I am grateful that because I have learned so much on the job, that I have probably learned more in the 3 years I have been with Good Vibrations than I might have gotten if I was enrolled in a formal classroom. I have actually received complements on the information I have written in my GV blogs from noted sexologists that just demonstrates what a good Sex Education that Good Vibrations provides.

Which is your favorite project that you’ve worked on?

I did a class on how to pick the best vibrator. I broke down each category in so much detail that the participants got a greater understanding in what kind of toy would give them the most pleasure—it is a myth that the best toy is one that is the strongest!

What is your best piece of sex advice for women?

It is important that you get acquainted with your bodies. Look at the vulva area and learn the proper names of your vulva and the vaginal area. It is important to examine your body on a regular basis. There may be changes that you will keep you aware if are examining your body.

Also it is your responsibility to learn how your body responds to pleasure. Masturbation is one of the many ways that you can teach your partner what makes you feel good. Men or women aren’t mind readers. It is our job to learn to feel comfortable in our own skin to communicate what makes you feel good.

What projects are you working on now?

Helping couples find positive solutions to the challenges of Menopause. Now that I have gone through Menopause, my husband and I were able to find ways to keep our lines of communication open and work through the changes my body went through.

There are so many resources available to us in books, toys and , on the internet, that one of my missions is to  educate people that menopause is not an ending but a fun, inventive sexual rebirth that we go through. We don’t have to worry about pregnancy (still use safe sex practices if you are not in a monogamous relationship) and this is the time in our lives when we start realizing that the way we have been living our lives to this point may need to change.

It is a wake up call for many of us and when we are not listening to our hearts and our bodies we can have a lot of struggles and hardships. But that is not the way that we are intended to live. When we have the resources, we can open up to many wonderful things about us emotionally, physically and sexually. I would love to be the Dr. Ruth of Menopause. This is a very powerful time in our lives and very exciting!

Where can people find out more about you?

I do blog on the GV website and they can reach me there.