Negotiating a Fantasy
By Severina • Aug 7th, 2009 • Category: BlogWhen it comes to finding goodies to spice things up, you can look no further than Good Vibrations. Of course if we don’t have what you are looking for, we will give you ideas on where to find it! Let’s say you are on the hunt for the perfect naughty accoutrement, you score big; find a pair of leather restraints, a hot movie, and some edible oils. Take them home to surprise that special someone, you whisper seductively in their ear, “Let’s play” and they… change the subject. Bravely you might pretend you never suggested stepping outside the established boundaries, never bring up the subject again.
Sounds unfulfilling doesn’t it? I hear similar stores to this all the time. One person wants to bring in something new. The other might be interested but is shy or not comfortable talking about intimate details. Confrontation is scary, opening yourself up to rejection could be terrifying, but you aren’t going to get what you want without putting yourself out there a little bit. How does one go about this?
I suggest to the people that come in to our store to bring their reluctant partner and let the muse flow into them naturally. Our staff is always happy to suggest toys, movies and books that might be fun to try. Of course, this doesn’t always work for a few reasons. Sometimes they may be too shy even for a short tour. Other times they may live in another state, or in the following anecdote, another country.
A new friend I made recently asked me for advice on how to get her boyfriend to try out some fantasies. I suggested sharing fantasies in bed and taking turns trying them out. She had attempted this with her boyfriend but he swore he had no fantasies. Hmm, what else could work? After all, it’s hard for me to imagine there isn’t a little something different he is at least curious about. She explained to me that he is a bit shy in talking about sexual matters, using his French nationality as a reason for this. According to him, in France, sex shops are shameful and something you go to dressed in disguise. I was sorely tempted to suggest using this as a role play scenario… If he didn’t live in France I would have offered them a tour of Good Vibrations. This is definitely the place to dispel such notions. I thought hard for a few minutes. I have read a few books on the subject, a few that come to mind instantly are Exhibitionism for the Shy by Dr. Carol Queen and The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys by Violet Blue as well as her latest, Fetish Sex. These books are wonderful resources as well as books filled with ideas to try.
My suggestion to her and to the rest of you out there looking to spice things up or try something new: Make a list!
That’s right, make a list and check it twice. Right down everything you can think of, or buy a couple of the books I suggested for new ideas. Make sure you write down what you are actually willing to try as well. After all, this is the first part of a negotiation. Then give this list to your lover and tell them simply to check off what sounds like fun and add anything you may have forgotten. Trade the list back and forth; pick a favorite, a second choice, and substitutions are perfectly reasonable. This may be just the icebreaker you are looking for.
