Issues with Sex and Antidepressants
By Dr. Carol Queen • Aug 5th, 2009 • Category: Blog, Carol QueenDr. Carol Queen answers questions from our social networks.
Q: Partner is on antidepressants. Whilst turned on, she can’t now come w/ oral sex. Is this normal? Ways to overcome? Use vibe with sex at mo.
While I don’t like the word “normal” much (there’s such a range of things that are “normal” — or average, common, healthy, etc. — that the word sometimes gets in the way of answering a question), in your partner’s case I can say yes, it’s pretty normal for antidepressants to have a problematic effect on orgasm. This is one of the common side effects of the SSRI class of meds in particular. You’ve already discovered one useful work-around: add stronger stimulation. The vibrator can help during partner sex as well as solo. And without involving her physician, you can try sex at different times of the day/evening to see whether her med schedule and energy level results in one time of day when arousal and orgasm are more easily achieved.
Otherwise, she should ask her doctor about “drug holidays” and possible other medications that she could substitute for whatever she’s currently taking. A drug holiday works by stopping the meds for a day or so, letting the chemical levels go down a bit, and then taking advantage of this for a libido-fest. This is more successful for some people than others, and some drugs lend themselves more to this strategy (some have such long half-lives that you can barely get a different response because you have to wait too long for the side effects to wane). While various antidepressant drugs affect different people in varying ways, Wellbutrin is one that has a better-than-average reputation for maintaining libido, so perhaps her physician will OK her to try that. Please note, though, that she shouldn’t change meds, stop taking them, or even do a drug holiday without checking with her doctor. These chemicals tend to have pretty hellacious withdrawal symptoms. Next to that level of emotional and physical disruption, keeping a vibrator by the bed seems like an easy fix indeed.
Best of luck to you both!
–CQ
Dr. Carol Queen >> Carol Queen is a writer, speaker, educator and activist with a doctorate in sexology. First as an organizer in the lesbian/gay community, where she helped found one of the first gay youth groups in the United States, and later in the emerging international bisexual community, as a sex worker and a practitioner of alternative sexualities, she typically teaches and writes from her own experience and that of her communities even as she references academic thought on these subjects. See her website: www.carolqueen.com.
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