I have a history of depression, including three hospitalizations. I spent several years on SSRIs. In retrospect, they were useful and even necessary for a time. I have used Paxil, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Prozac, and Serzone. For me, there was no SSRI that did not inhibit or eliminate my ability to climax — that is the primary reason I tried so many different drugs. Life without climax is a bummer.

Eventually I wanted my sex life back, and I became determined to find other options. I consulted a nutritionist. Who knows which change made the most difference, but I started regular exercise (spinning — a huge endorphin rush), eating at least 25 grams of protein three times a day, taking fish oil three times a day, and B vitamins with breakfast and lunch. Within three months I suspected I might have found a way to live without SSRIs. Within a year, I was certain of it.

I no longer need the endorphin blast to feel okay, but when I was trying to break free of SSRIs, I do think vigorous exercise was especially helpful. I now practice yoga every day and am mostly vegan, so I don’t take fish oil. I am less concerned about the protein, but I am years away from the person who had to have a pill every day just to get off the sofa. There is life after SSRIs.

I should say I did all this with the support of counseling, so not in a nutritionist-only vacuum.

There is a time for pharmaceutical intervention, but for me, that time was not the rest of my life. The more I take responsibility for my own health, the healthier I am. Discipline and a program of recovery are essential. My program is yoga — which, incidentally, has proven efficacy for helping practitioners reconnect the emotional and physical bodies. Yoga is all about learning to listen to the body. Can’t hurt; might help. Good luck.

#1) I’ve been told by her she has no interest in changing medication + or reading books + or using sex toys. I have told her this needed change is for her, but she sees this 100% my interest area.

#2) I never push her, I’ve just almost given up on ever asking. I get an invitation once and a while, it’s likely drunk and in the dark.

#3) Regarding the abuse, it has led to her cheating in the past as sex is a form of control / game for her. You asked about a sex drive – yes she has it + she even has taken drug holidays – which seem to be more about her having a chance to enjoy herself. Ironically in our younger years I was fat and lazy so I missed out. Now I’m in shape, and its the opposite way. I also think from the past affairs sometimes that I may just not be her cup of tea sexually then.

#4) I have completely given up on self pleasuring. I mean I do it to get by, but I have no interest in it anymore at all. I just don’t find it pleasurable, only frustrating.

#5) There is also a big disconnect here re: your mention of Paxil + pregnancy. We know this already. I have no interest in kids too. So this disconnect in our interests (she wants to adopt, I said I’m open to listen but not really interested) – is leading to an even worse situation re: intimacy – not that it was any better though before this disagreement.

I’m at the point now that I’m not sure what I would do in a situation where I received even the slightest form of physical affection from another person.