Sex Questions from the Twittersphere: Treatments for Vaginismus
By Dr. Carol Queen • Jun 24th, 2009 • Category: Blog, Carol Queen, Good AdviceDr. Carol Queen replies to this question from our social networks:
Whats the best path of treatment for vaginismus? Are there any good online resources for self-help? (asking on behalf of my gf)
I’m not sure about the vast range that the online world offers re: this, but there is a substantive-looking site called vaginismus.com which is certainly worth exploring. And there has been one good book written about Vaginismus, which is a condition which involves the vagina not relaxing enough to allow for comfortable penetration — sometimes the tightness is so extreme that even a finger can’t be inserted without pain. Its functional definition refers to the inability to have intercourse. The book is called “When a Woman’s Body Says No to Sex,” the authors are Linda Valins and Susie Orbach, and of course it’s way out of print, as so many good sex books are.
However, just the title is worth considering, as is the definition of vaginismus itself, since of course, “sex” isn’t *penetration* by definition — even though so many people seem to think it is. And there appear to be two main reasons a woman’s body (or, for that matter, a man’s or a transgendered person’s body) has this response — well, actually I think I’ll say two and a half reasons. The first is that some trauma has occurred to cause a fear response (this could be an experience like rape or abuse, but could also be something like fear inculcated by a person’s erotophobic background); the fear response causes a clenching of muscles that results in the tightness and pain of vaginismus.
The second is that pelvic pain of any sort might result in such a response, even if the condition that originally caused the pain has been resolved. That’s the one-half reason: the fact that a pain response seems to be, at least for some people, learned, and the body must *un*learn it to be able to overcome vaginismus.
This may involve emotional/psychological healing from any past trauma (a wonderful set of references for this are Staci Haines’ books, “The Survivor’s Guide to Sex” and “Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma”; there is a video as well). This healing may well involve the help of a qualified therapist; having a supportive partner is also very valuable (so thank you for reaching out on her behalf, but guard against being so eager for her to heal and get comfortable with sex that it feels to her like pressure). Haines, by the way, maintains a private practice in San Francisco and founded a nonprofit, Generation 5, which is dedicated to ending child sexual abuse within five generations, and depending on your partner’s situation, it might be a useful resource.
Overcoming vaginismus may, instead (or in addition), require work to heal any physical source of pelvic pain — I mean physical *malady*, not painful experience. My sexologist colleague Heather Howard, Ph.D., specializes in this; though there are other pelvic pain specialists out there, few if any are also trained sexologists. Pain, especially the kind that lingers as a sort of learned response, can be a tough nut to crack. If some disease or injury is present, it will be important to get a diagnosis — not always easy, when a woman can’t stand to have a pelvic exam — and choosing a physician with some knowledge of vaginismus would be important.
Home healing involves relaxation, graduated-in-size dildo-like items called “dilators” used with ample lubricant, and sometimes a lot of demystification and learning about sexuality, especially for the woman whose vaginismus is related to growing up in such an erotophobic environment that she’s developed the belief that sex hurts. (This is sometimes necessary in a trauma survivor’s case too — understanding, for instance, that a rape experience is not the same as a desired experience of intercourse may not be easy.)
As Dr. Jack Morin said of anal penetration, if the person to be penetrated really desires the experience, it can make all the difference: for a woman to really desire penetration under these circumstances, it matters enormously that she feels fully supported and that her boundaries are her own. (She may also be battling shame around being different from other women, and that, too, needs support to be healed.) Best of luck to the two of you, and please reach out to explore these resources when your partner is ready. –CQ
Related at Good Vibrations:
Shopping Guide: Women Like Me
Healing Sex Book
True Romance (Heterosexual Focus)
Dr. Carol Queen >> Carol Queen is a writer, speaker, educator and activist with a doctorate in sexology. First as an organizer in the lesbian/gay community, where she helped found one of the first gay youth groups in the United States, and later in the emerging international bisexual community, as a sex worker and a practitioner of alternative sexualities, she typically teaches and writes from her own experience and that of her communities even as she references academic thought on these subjects. See her website: www.carolqueen.com.
All posts by Dr. Carol Queen
Hello,
We saw your post on twitter about Vaginismus.
We wanted to write and tell you there is hope!
We have been married for 4 years and discovered I had vaginismus on my wedding night.
It was like hitting a brick wall! There was nothing we could do or try.
Over the last 4 years we tried everything, many of the things suggested above.
I am a stage 4 sufferer of vaginismus & nothing worked.
Recently we typed in vaginismus on youtube and found a video posted by a very brave women who has been cured!
Her story was our story.
Over a week we reached out to many women who were cured by treating vaginismus with botox.
We were in disbelief at first to, but botox is 100% safe and used to treat many things (not just for the face) and when used to treat vaginismus it relaxes the spasm points in the vagina that cause the “brick wall” feeling.
So after much research we made the trip up to NH to visit Dr. Pacik who has CURED all of his patients who suffer with vaginismus by treating with botox & dilation.
The procedure took just the morning and the staff is so welcoming! It was so wonderful. Along with the injections of botox you wake up with a dilator inside you and it flipped a switch! Just knowing that my vagina can take anything was amazing!
After treatment you need to dilate to work out the muscles. I’m only on day 7 but I can dilate with the largest size with ease and no pain at all. We are very excited to have intercourse for the first time and be cured!
Many patients were able to have pain free intercourse in 10-14 days. Others within a month.
With the progress we are making we will be free in no time (all though we feel we are free already!)
Best part is you only need 1 injection of botox, you never have to return. Your spasm points disappear and you are cured!
Ladies just know that it is not your fault. There is nothing that you did to cause vaginismus. It’s like a spasm point in your back. You can’t control it. Same thing with vaginismus. There is a point in your brain you can’t control that just locks your vaginal muscles down. Well now there is a cure! Freedom for suffering from vaginismus!
Here is some more information from Dr. Pacik’s website.
http://www.plasticsurgerypa.com/index.cfm?event=SubcategoryView&CategoryID=49&SubcategoryID=145
They are so nice and he calls you a lot before hand and after.
When searching for vaginismus on twitter I even saw he is on there too if you want to ask him any questions. @PacikVaginismus
He really took on our struggle and made it his mission to cure vaginismus!
Thanks for this post! Now that I’m cured I want to help tell as many women who suffer from vaginismus as possible! There is hope!
-Cured from Vaginismus
I have been having excellent success treating vaginismus under anesthesia using Botox to calm the spastic vaginal muscles, dilators and a long acting local anesthetic injected into the spastic muscles to keep the patient more comfortable during the initial dilation period. When they wake up in recovery it’s like “flipping a switch’. For many it’s the first time they have ever experienced penetration. Most of my patients are able to have intercourse in as little as 10 days to one month after treatment, whereas the large majority have had unsuccessful treatment for as long as 4-7 years. Once the vagina is stretched and they are having intercourse, repeat treatment has not been needed.
Mofe information can be found by linking to:
http://www.plasticsurgerypa.com/index.cfm?event=SubcategoryView&CategoryID=49&SubcategoryID=145
Thanks for the excellent article. Many of these women don’t have a diagnosis and their relationships are faling apart.
Is it just me or do these two side by side comments look sort of like an advertisement for botox.
The use of botox in vaginismus is a highly controversial with very few studies relating to the safety or necessity of this sort of treatment. The few studies that do exist have been quite small and all paid for, at least in part, by companies directly involved in the sale or production of Botox products. There are no long term studies about the safety of botox use in vaginismus or vulvodynia. The use of botox in this region is an “off label” treatment not approved by the FDA. Additionally most of the small scale studies have been done have results that closely mirror the effects of accupuncture (a much less risky treatment).
It is also important to recognize that a “single shot” treatment to relax the pelvic floor will not treat the underlying conditions whether psychological or physical. Please, before rushing for quick fixes, see a well trained sexologist and look at your options thoroughly.