Devil’s Dictionary Redux
By John Thursday • May 27th, 2009 • Category: Erotic Philosophy by John Thursday, FeaturesSeeing as people enjoyed the first set of definitions I thought I would o a few more. I will begin with Charlie Glickman’s addition added as a comment at the bottom of the last piece.
Manifest, v. To ask the universe (and everyone around you) for something over and over again until you get it.
Open Relationship, phrase. An agreement whereby couples remain open to experiencing the full range of human emotions, these most often being: jealousy, petty jealousy, insecurity, rage, and finally exhaustion. They play out like the five stages of death.
Hula Hoop, n.
- A hollow hoop made of plastic designed to be spun around one’s midsection.
- A veil worn in public allowing the bearer to move in ways otherwise considered obscene.
- A means for unattractive people to gain attention.
Hot, adj. Someone who wants to sleep with you.
Crazy, adj. Someone who calls you on your shit.
Issues, n. Whatever it is that happened in childhood that will make you turn a perfectly normal situation into a dramatic moment of crises.
Yoni, n. A vagina served on a bed of arugula. (Knoll farms local organic arugula)
Bougie, adj. (pronounced Boo-soft G-Eee) Short for bourgeois, most often used to denote cool or alternative things being done in an upper class style. Said things are often wasteful or unnecessary. Examples of modern Bougie might be:
- Saturday afternoon reservations to take ayahuasca followed by Sunday evening reservations at Boulevard.
- Using your car’s GPS Navigation system to find a rave
- An RV at Burning Man
- Marin County
Contact Improv, v. A style of public foreplay wherein one of the participants takes the roll of a tree blowing in the wind while the other participant attempts to climb said tree. In the wild this mating dance most often takes place in the center of a dance floor causing other dancers to be kicked repeatedly in the shins and back. To spot a participant look for a self satisfied grin and a sleeveless shirt.
Non-Violent Communication (NVC), v.
- A style of communicating designed to lower tempers during conflict. Using NVC involves expressing your love and respect for your adversary as a means to soften your expression of hate and contempt.
- A rigorous, structured form of passive aggressive language.
Example: I understand your point and appreciate your being willing to express it. But this doesn’t change the fact that you are an idiot, both of your parents must be idiots, and in fact you must come from a long line of idiots to actually believe what you’re saying. You are wrong and I will not apologize for that. I hope you can feel the intention from my heart and that I say this with love. Nameste.Nameste, n. A traditional Bay Area greeting roughly translated as, “The place within me where god dwells says what’s up to the place within you where god dwells.” Used to bastardize Buddhist philosophy as a means of escaping responsibility for one’s actions.
The logic is as follows: If god is in you and god is in me then we are all one, the same. Therefore if I offended you by sleeping with your boyfriend and then lying about it I offended me too. But as I have forgiven myself, and we are all one, you must forgive me too. Nameste.
Yoga Pants, n. Worn by women who tend to bend over a lot in public spaces. Often black and wide at the bottom they become tighter around the thighs only to end in a perfect suction grip around one’s buttocks. The buttocks are usually very firm from doing yoga.
One does not have to be doing yoga to wear yoga pants, however. They are wonderful for going to the store, climbing in and out of an SUV, preening, prancing, and making other women feel bad about themselves.
Chill Space, n. A room or area at a party designed as a sanctuary for
a) When your drugs overwhelm you
Or
b) It has become clear that the deep, spiritual conversation you are engaged in would be heightened by lying down on pillows and stroking one another.
John Thursday >> John Thursday was born and raised at Harbin Hot Springs, unaware there was such a thing as clothing until he was 15. He has since renounced all things Hippie. He earned a doctorate in Erotic Philosophy by defending Kant's lesser known The Critique of Pure Fellatio as a seminal work. he was hit on by Allen Ginsburg twice but not even once by Sami Beinstein, a non-hippie jewess. He currently beds a shiksa named Misty.
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Hilarious, cruel, unusual.
This is great. Have you truly renounced your hippie Harbin ways? Where’s the proof?
[...] Good Vibrations Online Magazine’s Erotic Philosopher John Thursday returns to his Devil’s Dictionary in this third installment. Read Part 1 and Part 2. [...]