Good Vibrations Magazine

Is this a new development happening to women in the 20’s and 30’s? Is it caused by diet drinks or revved up energy drinks? What can you do?

Before I start a panic, let me clarify that no, it isn’t anything I have read about while on the Internet. But I did get your attention, didn’t I? It was a little deceptive, maybe, but I am being deceptive for a good reason.

I just wanted to throw a thought out to you. If you start taking care of how you eat, what kind of physical activity you have now, even the stress you have in your life, you may have a very gentle whisper of the changes your body will go through instead of the mental and emotional minefields you could go through when you get on this part of your journey.

In a previous blog entry, I talked about things that happen to our bodies when we are in Peri-Menopause or Post-Menopause. It happens to our partners and us. The kind of self-care program we design for ourselves can be the difference between re-inventing ourselves in an exciting life full of radiance or a time where we can feel “What happened to me?”

So start finding out what you can do now. I like to recommend a book by Joan Price, Better Than I Ever Expected” because it has a lot of good information regarding the experiences many women have when they have go through Menopause. I know it is hard to think about what is going to happen in the future if you are in your 20’s or 30’s. But if you plan to live to 60 or longer, and it is a good bet that you will, the information will apply to you eventually. In some cases, you may already be experiencing certain things that Menopausal women go through.

For instance, ever had a time when you felt you were on an emotional roller coaster, happy one moment and the next ready to take someone’s head off because they looked at you at the wrong time? Ever had irregular periods because of stresses in your life? Ever taken allergy medication or antidepressants? Ever had stress in your life when you…I can go on an on.

The point I am trying to make is even if you are not in your 40’s or 50’s; you can still have these issues. Why not start now to make changes in your life so when you are becoming Peri-Menopausal; your experience during this time in your life will be filled with changes, but it won’t be filled with a sense of dread or not knowing how you or you and your partner will get through it.

First of all, if you are going through mood swings on a monthly basis, there are some things you can do now. Just changing simple things in your diet can decrease mood swings when you are going through PMS. By decreasing your intake of refined sugars, caffeine and processed foods, you will find that the moods swings you experience will decrease or become a whimper instead of explosive volcanic eruptions of emotions.

In the book, “The Wisdom of Menopause”, there is an actual diet to neutralize the mood swings. It is a very healthy diet that can also help you to shed pounds too, because you may find that your body’s metabolism will get ramped up and just by increasing your activity level, your body and emotions will be tuned and toned up.

Since I brought up activity, besides working your stomach and leg muscles, why not exercise another part of the body that you will derive a lot of benefit from, whether you are trying to increase the sensitivity of your pleasure zones or getting ready for labor. It is doing your Kegal muscles (named by Dr. Arthur Kegal). The Kegal muscles can keep your orgasms nice and strong no matter what your age. It can help a woman in labor control the experience of labor pains and make for an easier birth. It can also keep the lining of the Vulva region nice and thick so you don’t feel the tearing of the tissues when your hormones start changing (and you won’t have to feel the burn!)

During penetration when you are practicing your Kegal exercises on a dildo, vibrator or your partner’s penis, both of you will enjoy the pleasure of those delicious squeezes.

If you aren’t currently exercising your Kegel Muscles, it is a good idea to get a toy that will add a good resistance to your work out. If you aren’t’ working your muscles effectively, you may not get the benefits you seek. Dr. Charlie Glickman, my teacher, has a good blog article about the toys you can get your PC muscles in shape at http://magazine.goodvibes.com/2009/02/05/pc-sex/

These exercises can be done while you are waiting in line at the grocery store or on the way to work. I am doing them right now as I am writing this. Two questions I get when I am in the store when I am talking about the Kegel exercisers such as the SmartBalls or Betty’s Barbell is 1) how long will it take before I feel a difference? And 2) how do I do them?

Because everyone is different, if you are doing them correctly, it can take as little as a month (just the same time as getting your heart in shape). Personally I started doing 5 reps twice a day and then got up to 15 (which is what I am still doing). I like to deep breathe as I do each rep. I am inhaling while my muscles are relaxed and exhaling when I am squeezing my PC muscles.

Believe me, it is easier to work your muscles more efficiently when you are using an exerciser toy. But if you want to start out without a toy, there is a good explanation on doing the perfect Kegel exercise in the book, “Better Than I Ever Expected” called “Zipping up your Pelvic Wall”

People that come to my workshop always ask “What can I do to feel sexual again?” This one can be the most frustrating and anxiety-inducing part of Menopause, but it isn’t fatal. There are things you can do. There are many people in their 60’s and 70’s still enjoying a pleasurable and satisfying sex life by knowing how to get creative and adventurous.

But even if you are not Peri-menopausal or Post-Menopausal, if you are living busy, stressful lives, your libido might have decided to go on vacation. What can you do? First of all, be good to yourself. We are doing the best we can. We have to work or go to school, work and go to school, work and take care of our kids. This is the wonderful part about living our lives and the aggravating part of our lives.

Just remember that sexual arousal is not just physical sensations, it is also what things you are focusing on. So if your thoughts are filled with how to make your month’s rent, studying for your next exam or trying to get the baby to sleep through the night, it is no wonder that sex would be the last thing on your mind. Sometimes getting a full night’s sleep can be more appealing than having a marathon night of sexual pleasure.

What is a body to do or a mind? Let’s start breaking it down. If you are feeling like you are in a rut and can’t seem to switch gears to having a night or afternoon of sexual bliss, then you need to see things a different way. Why not book a hotel room? Or go to your favorite date restaurant? Why not daydream about the first time you had a romantic evening with your partner? What about fantasizing about a time when you had the most mind-blowing sex? Another thing to do is R-e-l-a-x! If we are running through things you need to do, you probably are giving yourself such an adrenal rush of mental activity, it is hard to be thinking about sexual pleasure.

When you start taking in some deep breaths, you can start to let go. You may also find that once you are present in your body, you can manage your time better and then can start changing your focus from the grocery list to the list of positions and sex adventures you used to have with your sweetie. (If you need help with that, come to our stores, we can give you some helpful suggestions, including SuperHotSex Deck by Tracy Cox, Dr. Sadie Allison’s “Toygasms” or having a movie night with Jamye Waxman’s DVD, “Personal Touch #3, Exploring the O”.

Did you also know that if you spent time in self-pleasure, it can relieve stress and help you get plugged in sexually too? A good book we carry “Sex for One”, by Dr. Betty Dodson, speaks about the joy and health benefits self-pleasure can provide. They do say if you don’t use it, you can lose it. But I like to say when it comes to sexuality, you may not lose it, you may have just misplaced it.

So it is retraining yourself or reminding yourself you are a sexual person. There is another book I recommend in my workshops and that is called “The Multi-Orgasmic Woman.” There are some really valuable exercises that can help you to start feeling like the sexy woman you are no matter what is happening in your life.

I know when I was going through Peri-Menopause, the thought of having sex was a source of anxiety for me, and I work in a sex store! But my husband and I got through it. With communication and being vulnerable with each other, we started seeing things differently and now getting re-connected sexually it is fun again-and no longer do we have to use condoms! (Time to use Devour me and Zing Cream in the same night-Woo Hoo!)

So even though you may not be close to the stages of Menopause, if you take steps now, you will find the myths that are still out there about menopause are just that. And you can be the change to those myths. Find out now so when you are there, it is a comfortable experience for you.

One of my goals in this blog is to enlighten people about Menopause and what we can do to get through this journey with as much ease, grace and humor we can experience. I got through my Sexual Rebirth and feel great! I am going to be doing another workshop on “Embracing your Sexual Rebirth in September. Even if you are not close to Peri-Menopause I invite you to attend. You might find some things you can use right now.