Good Vibrations Magazine

Menopause-the word that still brings terror to a woman’s mind! Menopause-the thoughts of giving up youth and sexuality and coming into “decrepitude” as one doctor phrased it in an early medical journal. Menopause the loss of excruciating menstrual cramps and unplanned pregnancy. Menopause-the ending of the monthly period and the beginning of new found sexual freedom!

What would you choose to believe in the above paragraph? Because depending on where your head and emotions are that is the experience you can have. Yes, it does happen that your hormones will go wacky, you may wonder why you cry one second and laugh jubilantly the next; you may have bouts of short-term memory loss and may develop a thicker waistline. You may find your vaginal muscles may tighten up or feel dryness and makes penetration painful.

Yes, there are many things that can come up when you start going through Menopause but it doesn’t mean there are not things you can do to move through it with ease, grace or keep you from feeling your life is over.

In my line of work as a Sex Educator at Good Vibrations, I hear many customer comments about wanting the perfect lube or wanting to kick start their sex drive. (In fact, so many people came to me for advice on Menopause, I started a workshop at Good Vibrations called “Embracing Your Sexual Rebirth”. There’s more info on it at the end of this entry!)

Many wonderful husbands come and talk to me because their Wives are too shy to ask the questions. I feel a warmth in my heart because I know that both partners are working to find a solution to get through something that doesn’t have to be the ending of a relationship. With awareness, patience and time, this phase in woman or couples lives can be one of deepening intimacy and a great source of sexual joy.

And I should know I just got through it. As of February 13^th I am done! I got through the 4 years of mood swings, lost libido, irregular periods and vaginal dryness. My husband of course had to get used to my ever-changing moods and my month long PMS. Yes, in the beginning, I felt discouraged that my body was changing, that once a very sexual person now would even forget what it felt like to enjoy the sexual intimacy my husband and I had. It is normal for these things to come up.

I wondered if my husband would grow inpatient, lose interest in me, maybe even have an affair or leave me. But my husband, though of course concerned about the changes I was going through, still loved me and hung in there.

Once I realized that I needed to find out what my options were, I started doing some research and found that there were many choices for me to customize my own Menopause self-care program. I started using the Internet and found a lot of different resources on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) vs. alternative solutions. I started meeting women who had gone through it or was in the same stages I was in and it gave me comfort that I was not alone. I think for a lot of women, feeling isolated and alone can be the most challenging part.

Menopause is still a word that people don’t want to hear or afraid to say it out loud-just like Lord Voldimort from the Harry Potter series or Marie Romano, the mother in law from the sitcom “Everybody loves Raymond”. So I want people to know that there are alternatives and choices to make this time in your life an empowering one-a time to define and redefine who you are.

You are going from caretaker of others to caretaker of self and it is a challenging yet one of the most exciting times in your life. For me, I got to learn to appreciate who I am, to like my light and shadow self. To listen to my body when I was having hot flashes and asking myself what in my life is causing my intuition to let me know that this is something in my life I can now release-an old outdated message, an opportunity to assert myself instead of stuffing it.

It is a time to take charge of your life. So in this time of dormancy, you are planting the seeds of self-discovery and redefing your relationships.

There was an author who wrote a book on Menopause and her philosophy is that our bodies are now bringing up issues to clear out so when Menopause is over, you can start over again. She gave the analogy of hot flashes as a meditative technique that monks used to remove toxins in the bodies. They would wrap wet sheets around themselves and then with their minds, they would raise their body heat so high that at the end of the meditation the sheets were dry and any toxins or things they no longer needed were dissolved.

Isn’t it great that we already know how to do this? And when I read this I started monitoring what was happening at the moment I had a hot flash and recognized that there was an issue I needed to look at and clear or it is my intuition saying that I am getting accurate messages from inner guidance.

Being done with Menopause is a great celebration. I don’t have to worry about birth control, My sex drive has returned. I feel more relaxed. It is a wonderful thing. I don’t feel as if I am missing something. My husband and I still love each other. I am more confident than I was in my 20s or 30s.

I guess I want to stress in this blog entry is that Menopause is not the end of sexuality it is the beginning of claiming your authentic sexual self-redefining who you are, what pleases you most. Who you were 20-30 years ago is not who you are now, so why wouldn’t your sexual tastes change also?

During this time of Menopause you are focusing on your self, your needs, what makes your heart sing and your passion perculate. You can try new clothes, a new hairstyle, take up Tengo dancing or painting. You can become a sexy dominant Diva and ask your partner to feed you strawberries dipped in Belgian chocolate then give you a sexy sensuous massage with a aromatic Jimmy Jane Bourbon Massage candle and massage every pleasure zone in your body.

This is the time in every relationship to start a new phase of intimacy and passion. And what steps you take during this time will set the next journey of your lives together. People are living longer, you might have another 30-40 years to go-can you imagine what wonderful things you can create in your life and feel you have everything you need?

You have gone through the naivete of life and now you are a vital, energetic radiant beam of sensuous life force enjoying your sexuality with the total abandon of a teenager with the wisdom of experience! No, Menopause does not mean the ending of life and sexuality-it means the ending of your menstrual cycle and the claiming of your Sexual Rebirth. Embrace the change.

(Evie’s workshop, “Embracing Your Sexual Rebirth”, will be held Feb. 23^rd at Good Vibrations in Berkeley. Contact the store to sign up 510.841.8987)