Out of the Blue
By Harlequinn • Jun 4th, 2008 • Category: BlogIt just happens like this sometimes. Prolonged bouts of silence, akin to a disappearing act, and then, just when you think I have vanished from the face of the Earth, I pop up when you least expect it.
Abracadabra.
Recently one of the duties that has been passed on to me in my job is to give a cursory screening of some of the magazines we distribute to make sure that there isn’t anything in them that might be considered more than, as The Merry Prankster himself (JK, to some of you) put it “a prurient interest in adult material.” (And, not being a porn aficionado, yes, he did have to explain to me exactly what that meant.)So, in perusing said magazines, I found myself contemplating the argument that is often used by the detractors of adult material, which is that it is somehow sexist and demeaning to women.
I have always felt that there is something inherently counterintuitive about this argument, though I never could exactly articulate what it was.
Now, as amusing as it would be to write a post stating that I still can’t articulate it, I am probably the only person who would be amused by it….
In flipping through the magazines, I began to wonder why what the women were depicted doing was considered demeaning, but what the men were doing was not. Why it was sexist for a woman to be imaged performing sex acts, but the same logic didn’t apply to men. It was then that I realized that the argument that porn is sexist is in and of itself a Sexist argument. The idea that a woman is somehow forced into the position of what is arguably and by definition a lesser form of prostitution, while a man has the ability freely choose it is sexism in its most insidious form. It implies that women have fewer choices, fewer options than men and unconsciously reinforces the idea of gender-based inequality and/or superiority. Sex as recreation is the exclusive right of the male of the species, while sex as procreation is a responsibility shouldered by women.
In short, the most basic act that two (or more) people can perform (sex) – the great human equalizer is being applied unequally.
Now, I realize that this revelation is probably a newsflash to no one, save perhaps me, but really it speaks to a larger point. A Sex Positive Point, to be precise.
I shall explain…
A few months ago, a less than appreciative GV blog reader made the comment that I had no idea what sex positive was. And while I didn’t agree with the comment, I have, for the last few months, been giving it a good amount of consideration. After all, disagreeing with someone is far from sufficient basis to dismiss what they say. It’s entirely possible that my critic was totally right and that the concept of Sex Positive is something that totally eludes me, as things often do.
And so, I have spent the last six months thinking about if I have any clue what s Sex Positive really is.
After much soul searching and deep contemplation, I have to confess that truth is that I really don’t. Whatever my vociferous critic thinks Sex Positive is, I haven’t the foggiest notion. I have no idea what Carol Queen or Charlie Glickman, or Coyote or Kuono or Pope Benedict or anyone else on Earth thinks Sex Positive is. All I know is what I think Sex Positive is, and what I think it is is as simple as this: Sex Positive is a Way. A way of looking at things, a way of thinking of things, a way of relating to things. Sex Positive is a path to a realization, which is that no matter what anyone says or thinks, Sex is Sex. It has no inherent gender-specific purpose, no immanent degrading or glorifying nature, no specific orientation. It’s just Sex.
Along with this understanding comes the realization Sex is Sex means, very simply, that Sex is a tool, an instrument that we, as human artists may use to express ourselves, whether it be in the intimate embrace of our true love and soul mate, or in convivial environment of friends and fellows. It is a tool by which we may further the human species, or while away a few sweaty hours on a Saturday night with a curious stranger who has captured our attention for the handful of moments that we will choose to remember their name. Sex is a tool to maintain closeness or distance and everything in between. Sex is Sex, and Sex Positive is a mindset that helps to foster this understanding by saying that we all have the right to employ sex in the manner in keeping with our desires with and among those who are aware enough to willingly and intelligently consent to participate in those desires, free of judgment and harm.
That’s my take on it, anyway….
While I am, in my circle, one of the most vocal advocates of GV, Sex Positive and all the good work that goes into it and comes out of it, there is a large part of me that wishes that it was completely redundant and unnecessary. The equal application of sex regardless of gender, creed, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. SHOULD be a no-brainer. The idea of all things being equal, that something is what it is shouldn’t be something that people should have to come to realize; it is something that should simply be known. But it isn’t. And while I am Zen with the fact that the lack of this understanding practically correlates to years of continued employment…I think I could be ok with having to write for a living.
Except that I would have to write in deadlines – and since I have spent the last six months thinking about this one entry…I am sure you can guess how well that might work out.
In the end I agree that I my definition of Sex Positive and the definition of the person who criticized it are probably vastly different. At the same time, that doesn’t necessarily mean that different equates to wrong.
Harlequinn >> a blogger here at Good Vibrations.
Being a practitioner of five-dimensional thinking and other assorted weirdness, Harelquinn parlays her observational skills into a variety of interesting musings on stuff and whatnot.
Secretly disguised as the mild-mannered employee of a midwest-based erotic material distribution company and retailer, she unleashes her internal chaos through her various writings in a diabolic attempt to bring insight to the unsuspecting masses.
Viva la Evolucion!
"All around me darkness gathers,
Fading is the sun that shone;
We must speak of other matters:
You can be me when I'm gone.
Flowers gathered in the morning,
Afternoon they blossom on;
Still are withered by the evening:
You can be me when I'm gone."
--Neil Gaiman
All posts by Harlequinn
That’s an interesting point that sexist arguments against porn are inherently sexist, but I think there IS a biological difference between the role sex plays out for MOST women emotionally vs. men.
The catch is that what applies generally for MOST people is by virtue antithetical to our biological orgins that rely on variation within a species.
At some point, this level of analysis digresses into existentialism, in which case, we cannot apply any such “positive” or “negative” labels to sex; only to recognize that sex itself is a manifestation of evolution, evolution relies on diversity and innovation, and therefore the only meaningful measurement of the validity of sex is whether it is successful in bearing offspring.
Given that we’re a long way off from trying to bear children through porn, we can essentially determine that porn sex is just a manifestation of sex that does not tend to produce offspring, and is as useless as anything we’ve created to generate meaning in our lives, such as TV, sports games, entertainment, etc.
But positive and negative don’t really have anything to do with it, so there is neither a need to label porn as negative, nor is there a need to develop any polar reactions to this idea such as ’sex positive’.
It’s just sex, reproduction, evolution.
BB
I like it!
What precisely does being sex-positive have to do with some porn–and I say “some,” and “porn” rather than erotica–being demeaning to women?
I sent for the Good Vibes catalog some years back. It’s terrific, I’ve ordered from you folks, happy with the merchandise–but within a month or two of ordering, I started getting ads for porn–not erotica, hard-core, crappy porn. Pictures of stupid, stoned-looking women in too much makeup, with blaring titles of “HOT SLUTS CAN’T GET ENOUGH” and other woman-positive, empowering phrases.
Like it or not, some porn is demeaning–both to the women who are reduced to ’sluts’ and to the jerks who can’t get off unless a woman is defined as subhuman. (It’s demeaning to human sexuality, in my opinion–but why demeaning to women? Well, who’s being used? At the rock-bottom level of prostitution, it’s usually women being sold, and usually by some (male) pimp.) If that doesn’t fit your definition of demeaning, I don’t think there’s much chance of discussion on this topic.
As to your question posed at the beginning of your meandering, “I began to wonder why what the women were depicted doing was considered demeaning, but what the men were doing was not..”
Let’s not be ingenuous here. The issue is one of power and control. When a woman is presented as subhuman and vile for having sexual appetites, but a man is presented as virile and powerful for the same qualities, that’s degrading. I’m not talking about actual interactions; if a woman wants to be tied up and treated badly, that’s her kink–same for a man. But that isn’t how these things are presented.
And none of that has anything to do with ’sex-positive.’ You’re setting up a spurious argument and missing the point altogether. Not to mention the fact that at least some and probably many of your customers do differentiate between ‘porn’ and ‘erotica’ – a tough call because the definition varies with the person describing the stuff.
As to you being okay with writing for a living–I hope you wait until you have something to say