A Vibrator for Grandma, Part IV
By Zoe • Feb 19th, 2008 • Category: Family, Masturbation, Politics, SESA, Toy ReviewsJudging from the interest that my grandmother showed in the G-spot, I believed that, after the initial disapproval had passed, she would be receptive to a vibrator. So I made up my mind to buy one for her.
Then it came time to pick one.
It’s always a difficult to buy sex toys for another person, but especially so when you know very little about their sex lives – as is the case with my grandmother. All I really knew was that discretion was the primary concern, which narrows the field a bit. There are two possible routes for a discreet vibrator: something small and easy to hide, or something that passes easily for something else.
I considered briefly some of GV’s smaller vibes – maybe a Pulsing Passion to match my cousin’s? But this toy is easily identified as a vibrator.
I decided instead on something much larger, but in fact more discreet because it isn’t actually a vibrator, technically speaking: The Essential Coil, which is produced and marketed as a “massager.”
The images on the packaging of this toy display happy consumers enjoying its many different attachments on various parts of their bodies. (Oh, this feels fantastic on my scalp!) The images mimic the vintage-style women who appear on the boxes in our antique vibrator museum, cheerfully caressing their cheeks with massagers bearing such names as the “Explorer,” “Electreat” and “Kwikway.” The quick way to relax your cheek muscles, that is.
The Essential Coil was perfect for gran-gran! If anyone stumbled upon it, she need only tell the truth: “It’s a massager.” The packaging boasts better still: “7-in-1 home spa!” And though grandpa’s half-deaf, it doesn’t hurt that the toy is virtually silent in spite of the powerful kick for which electric vibrators are celebrated.
So I bought one and got to work on the rum cakes, which were now my cover – the rest of the family was to know nothing of this particular gift, which I would give to grandma privately. That is, with the exception of my cousin, who was also getting a vibrator, also in private – but who nevertheless cautioned, laughingly, against offering one to grandma: “I think it’s a bad idea!”
After the holiday flurry had passed, I made a special visit, hoping to get my grandmother alone. I expected that grandpa would say hi and then retreat to his privacy, as is his habit, allowing the opportunity for grandma and I to have a frank discussion about what the toy really is – in addition to a fantastic scalp massager.
Things didn’t go quite as planned. Grandpa had just begun cooking a meal as I arrived. So it was just me and grandma… with grandpa passing occasionally and unpredictably through the kitchen like a Mack truck at a blind corner. I set the gift at the table, hoping to wait for the right moment.
But grandma would allow no such thing. “What’s that?” she asked almost immediately.
“It’s your Christmas present,” I said, casually.
“Oh, how sweet! But you’re not supposed to get me anything… I’ve already had that delicious rum cake… boy, it was good… put me to sleep!” She allowed herself to be momentarily distracted by this reminiscence, but just as soon she returned to the subject at hand.
“Well, should I open it now?” she asked tentatively.
“Sure!” I answered with enthusiasm. This was no time to act suspiciously!
She unwrapped the paper happily while making playful remarks to my grandfather, standing two feet away, about how he hadn’t gotten anything. After freeing the package, she looked at it uncertainly.
“7-in-1 home spa…?” she read aloud, slowly.
“It’s a massager, gram!”
I held my breath and waited for her to suddenly get it and tactlessly shout, “Zoe! Is this a vibrator?”
But instead, she said, “Hey! This is nice! Wow! I’ve never had one of these! Will it work on my legs too? My legs have been sore lately.”
“Yeah, gram, it’ll work on a lot of places…”
She thanked me and I left it at that.
That evening, I recounted the story to my mother. “Do you think she’ll figure it out?” I asked.
“I doubt it,” she said. “Grandma’s a little sheltered when it comes to these things.”
“Well, I’ll tell her what it is during our next phone conversation. That’ll give her a month or two to experiment. But I think she’ll figure it out.”
After all, even if she’s never used a vibrator, when she removes it from it’s package and plugs it in, she will certainly recognize the function of the appliance as vibration. And surely, she will recall the risqué comments that she has heard about vibrators throughout her life. Then, one private afternoon while she is massaging those sore legs, curiosity will whisper in her ear, and she will tentatively press the toy to her genitals.
I believe that her being sheltered will not prevent this course of discovery from taking place. Indeed, it is in exactly this way that I discovered vibrators: as a sheltered 10-year-old, pressing a Hitachi-style massager against the crotch of my jeans and imagining a lover between my thighs until I shook with the intensity of my first orgasm.
What a great 4 part post! I also found myself in the same boat during present giving holidays, wanting desperately to share the joys of GV with my family. The toy giving (an assortment of toys Tuyo, Aneros, nipple suctions, lube, etc… and the GV guide to sex) turned into an opening of a dialog never before spoken about. The GV Guide to Sex proved to be a good purchase — from information about gender and trans issues to sexual orientation to aging to teaching children about sex, the book has a little bit of everything and some resources to boot. My family’s come a long way in that department, and I hope my siblings (at the tender age of 11 and 12) will benefit from a better access to information.
Thanks for sharing this story about your grandmother!