A Vibrator for Grandma, Part I
By Zoe • Feb 19th, 2008 • Category: Politics, SESAAs a Good Vibrations employee with a generous discount, I am faced with a dilemma at Christmas. Namely, the necessity of choosing between:
- Purchasing gifts elsewhere at full price, or
- Saving some cash, and getting everyone sex toys.
Being the sex toy enthusiast that I am, I enjoy the idea of gifting sex toys—and I often indulge this fancy. All of my friends expect vibrators and porn on holidays. However, the loftiest claims of my sex-positivity falter when it comes to buying gifts for family.
I’m very open with some members of my family. These folks are entirely “in” on my life: they are aware (and generally approving) of my employment at a sex shop, my side-job as a pro-domme, my being queer and polyamorous, and my intent to pursue a career in sex education.
Picking gifts for these folks was easy:
For my parents: Pervartistry
Pictionary + charades + perversion = tons of taboo-breaking fun! Not to mention excellent x-rated vocabulary building. In this game, you draw or silently act x-rated phrases such as “spooning,” “fur burger,” or “butt plug.” My parents have a close circle of friends who enjoy this sort of thing. In fact, my mother and I played it with a large group of them during a holiday party!
For my brother: Whipsmart
Quite frankly, our conversations lead me to believe he’s in desperate need of a sex-positive attitude adjustment. Who better to give it to him than Mistress Morgana? She guides the viewer through this Good Vibrations educational video with instruction that emphasizes verbal consent and a firm grip on the division between fantasy and reality.
For my favorite cousin: The Pulsing Passion
Last year, I gave her a Water Dancer. This year, she explicitly requested an upgrade! The Pulsing Passion, with its silky texture, appealing appearance, and several vibration speeds and functions, struck me as a suitable choice.
But what about my other relatives, with whom I have a very affectionate but less open relationship? My aunts and uncles? Grandparents?
I consulted my co-workers: “What could I buy – here at the store – as a Christmas present for my relatives? You know, old married couples? Some of them are… a bit conservative.”
“A kit?” one co-worker suggested.
“Too suggestive! Most contain vibrators or edible products. Anything that lets them know that I know that they occasionally have sex will make them uncomfortable…No sex toys or edible products.”
“Massage oil?”
“Still too suggestive.”
“A book?”
“The books are all a bit racy…”
“Umm… bubble bath?”
“Fuck it. I’ll just bake them each a rum cake. I’d still like to buy something extra for my grandmother, though. Maybe I’ll get her some bubble bath.”
But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to give granny a vibrator – and the more I began to believe that she would be open to it – that is, if I gave it to her discreetly, in private. If anyone else were around, she would snap into instant disapproval mode.
