Good Vibrations Magazine

Romance is indeed a fickle thing. Between work, school, family obligations, hobbies, and even can’t-miss TV shows, it often gets put on the back burner of a busy week. When you find yourself feeling (or notice your partner feeling) bogged down by the everyday, you can use it as a great opportunity to create a romantic, erotic evening for just the two of you. Unfortunately, lack of ideas can often turn a meaningful gesture into a stress nightmare. While wine and candles always seem like a safe plan, what if your special someone is allergic to scented votives or doesn’t drink?

The good news is that there are tons of inexpensive and creative options to let your sweetie know you care. So if you’re tired of bubble baths and rose petals, read on for some ways to spark your own sexy inspiration for setting up an erotic encounter both of you are sure to remember.

Part 1 — Preparation

Hot Talk
No matter how much we would like to believe we are telepathic concerning our partner’s needs (and vice versa), this just usually isn’t true. Every individual has different ideas about what turns them on and the only way to find out is by talking about it. Tell your partner about your erotic fantasies and ask them about theirs. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to make love at the beach, maybe a certain kind of porn really gets your juices flowing, or confess your secret desire to try out a harness. Then listen to what your partner has to say. Once you have a basic idea, use your imagination and run with it. For example, if your partner loves picnics but it’s the middle of winter, why not try a sexy indoor version. Lay a blanket in the living room and make some sandwiches or pick up some of your sweetie’s favorite treats. You can even get a CD or tape at your local library of nature sounds and play it in the background for effect. Plus, since you’re indoors, you won’t have to worry about people walking in on you (make sure to clear this with roommates and send the kids to a sitter first!). The more you know about your partner’s likes and dislikes, the easier it will be to pick out something special that is sure to have a positive result.

When to Plan and When to Let It Flow
When brainstorming about your erotic exploits, find a balance between planning and setting unrealistic expectations. It is great to have an idea filled with special details, but we’ve all heard the expression about the best-laid plans. Weather, roommates, sudden cash shortages, overbooked hotels and a million other things could pop up at the last second so leave yourself some options. If your entire plan depends on a series of people passing notes and driving around on a strict timeline, you might be treading on dangerous ground. For elaborate gestures, always make a backup plan, even if it is nowhere near as grand as the original. While naturally you are hoping for the best, don’t let yourself be disappointed if your partner doesn’t react the exact way you thought they would in your mind or if your night ends in happy cuddling instead of hot coupling. Let your instincts be your guide for the night — following the plan exactly as you pictured it is not nearly as important as having a great time with someone you care about. If you end up having a wonderful dinner conversation that lasts two hours instead of one and you miss the movie you had planned to see, who cares? A good strategy is to think things out, make sure any special items/reservations/safer sex products etc. are in place for the day of and then just play it by ear. Worrying about whether every little thing is perfect is only going to distract you from what is supposed be a time of enjoyment and connection with your honey.

When Small = HUGE
And no, we’re not talking about that kind of size. Small can easily equal large when it comes to creating something special for another person. The most expensive hotel room in the world can pale in comparison to a cheap or free gesture that really hits the mark. Little details that show your partner that you have listened to their likes and desires can go a long way. If you feel unsure about whether your sweetie likes a certain kind of food or if they prefer blue over green, asking their friends for advice and suggestions could be a great help. Favorite types of flowers and/or sex toys, having fantasy/role-playing props out and ready, a home-made invitation to a sexy evening, making a mix tape or buying a CD by their favorite artist, cooking dinner, or even going that extra mile to make sure your place is clean will help to convey (without words) that you appreciate your partner and they are in for a special time.

Part 2 — Action

Timing is Everything
We are accustomed to thinking of erotic encounters happening primarily at night, so why not treat your partner to a little “afternoon delight” or morning, early evening, etc. Serve them up some breakfast in bed in a sexy outfit (or nothing at all); you could have some condoms/dental dams waiting on the side or served up with “dessert”. If you think it will take you too long to digest, make a breakfast tray that features only condoms, dental dams, sex toys, lotions, and lube as the appetizer (a great way to work up an appetite). Just make sure your partner is a morning person.

Keep ‘em Guessing
Sexy surprises are a great way to set the mood and build up some anticipation. Hide a love note or invitation in their mailbox, purse, briefcase, backpack, etc. with a condom attached. Leave clues around your house/apartment that lead to hidden treasures like toys, lube, condoms, etc. until your partner ends up right where you want them (goodies in hand).  Playing a board, card, or dice game with a sexy theme can work as well. Using clothes, kisses, spankings, and the like as your collateral can create a fun, light tone if you don’t want your encounter to seem too serious.  Taking a little risk can be exciting as well, perhaps try a new kind of condom with a flavored lube, or go to a Good Vibrations store and talk to a SESA about toys, books, movies, and other accessories they might recommend based on your needs and ideas, plus instructions on how to incorporate them into your sex life.

Eye appeal and then some
One of the easiest and still most universal ways to set the mood is through wardrobe and décor. Our physical and visual environment influences our mood. A room scattered with bills, newspapers, children’s toys, and fast food wrappers can be difficult to overlook. While we aren’t suggesting that you replace your furniture, a few small touches (and a clean space) can work wonders on perception. Drape fabrics over existing couches or move furniture around slightly to create different floor and make a familiar room seem completely foreign. Use color, lighting, and small details to create the illusion of entering somewhere new. Look for inspiration all around you. If you want to create a Moroccan theme without breaking the bank, use orange and purple fabrics and put pillows on the floor. It doesn’t have to be perfect or expensive to make an impact.

This holds true for outfits as well. Expensive lingerie can be sexy, but so can formal wear, role-playing outfits, leather, nudity, and so on. Hopefully by now you have discussed what turns you and your partner on. Try picking out an outfit for your partner to wear out of their closet or lingerie drawer (or buy them a new one if you can swing it) and have it waiting for them on the bed when they get home with a note asking them to put it on. Take some time to think about your outfit as well. If you dress in something that makes you feel sexy, it will shine through to your partner.

Porn, or a favorite movie, can help enhance the moment, but don’t forget the other senses. Smell, taste, sound, and touch are equally important in creating an erotic environment. Find the music that works for you, sure “romantic” themed CD’s can help, but Marvin Gaye, Madonna, and even Iron Maiden can get a better result if that is the kind of music you prefer. Incense, flowers, candles, and baking can create a delightful scent, but make sure your sweetie doesn’t have any allergies first. Textures and tastes can be explored through new sheets, blindfolds, full course dinners or just a few tasty tidbits, gloves, vinyl/leather, safer sex products, and so on. A good rule of thumb is to try to incorporate one item for each sense for a well-rounded event. Obviously some will play a more important role than others, and some might not even be consciously noticed, but they will all end up working together to create the scene for your erotic experience.

The most important thing to remember is that this is an encounter that is special for you and your partner, not everyone else. Instead of relying on vague, general “romantic ideas” that have nothing to do with your personal interests, create an erotic environment based solely on what you and your partner think is sexy, stimulating, and enjoyable.  Bubble baths and candles are amazing as long as that is what you want. By talking to your partner and melding their ideas and concepts of sexuality with your own, you can create a unique and wonderful experience that will bring you closer, in and out of the bedroom.

Talk, imagine, plan and enjoy!