Dear Red…
By Red Delicious • Jan 21st, 2008 • Category: SESA, sex tipsAs i was reading your post, i was hoping that it would include something about the ‘female sexual enhancement’ products that are out there. I won’t name any of them here, but there are a lot of choices (lotions, ointments, pills,etc.) if you search for that term. Do you or anyone out there have a recommendation based on ACTUAL USE, not because you’re selling it.
Thanks very much,
Natalie
Dear, dear Natalie… I’m afraid you missed the entire point of this post {Mood Creams, Shmood Creams}. I do know of the ‘female sexual enhancement’ products out there, as seen on late night televsion. As far as I know, or anyone else here at Good Vibrations for that matter, there are no products out there that actually deliver what they purport to. This, is the main reason we don’t carry them. If there was something that worked we’d likely stock it. But in fact, most of the products we carry are aimed for ‘female sexual enhancement’ and they do work. Try porn, erotica, a sex guide, a tingling balm, a vibrator, a dildo, nipple clips, a blindfold, some bondage tape, a romantic date, a sexy set of lingere, talking with your partner about what turns you on and gets you off.
Unfortunately, Natalie, there are no cheat sheets for sex. In order to get an A+, you gotta do the work. Like, athletics, you don’t become a great player by shooting up, you become a great player by practicing all the time and really honing in on your skill by accepting constructive feedback and delivering it, when appropriate, to your teamates. Take some time to get to know your body, genitals and mind. Learn about what you find sexy and what makes you wet. Then, and this is the kicker…. Tell your partner. By keeping this from them you are leaving your partner(s) in the dark and depriving them of the chance to be a great lover. And you’re depriving yourself of the chance to be greatly loved.
Hoping you find what you’re after,
~*~Red Delicious~*~
The Sex Tip of the Day? Read carefully. That means really listen when your partner talks to you about their needs or desires between the sheets. Sometimes we allow our own fantasies and assumptions to filter what we hear from our partners. If your partner tells you they want you to call them Daddy, maybe it’s not an incest thing their interested in… Maybe it’s age play, or alternate gender roles, or power dynamics that they’re looking to explore. Also read your sex guides intently. Sometimes the best information is tucked inbetween the lines.
(And, I know some folks may be upset to hear me say this, but it’s actually okay to explore incest in role play and fantasy, too. It’s a powerful dynamic, and can be very emotive experience for the players involved. And remember, that’s what fantasy and role play are about, exploring relationships and situations, that might not be appropriate to experience in real life… )
Red Delicious >> a blogger here at Good Vibrations!
All posts by Red Delicious
I googled “female sexual enhancement” like Natalie said, and it’s true. There’s a LOT out there! But take this quote from one site:
“Did you know that almost 46% of American women experience little or no sexual satisfaction during sex? While the big pharmaceutical companies have focused on creating products to help men have better sex they have neglected the needs of women across America.”
Hello. The reason 46% (wherever this number comes from) of American women experience little or no sexual satisfaction during sex is NOT because the big pharmaceutical companies are focused on creating products for men. … it might be because those women are not comfortable expressing their needs. Finding out what they like and communicating it. Duh.
Statements like that are the ones that sucker folks into thinking that a “lotion/cream/pill/press of the button/swipe of the credit card” is going to bring them happiness.
Red Delicious, Kuono -
Thanks for your thoughtful responses. Without getting too defensive, i do understand the thrust of your argument. it’s not fair to assume, however, that i haven’t tried many of the things that you mentioned, because i have (perhaps masks are next on my list). But at the same time, i was inquiring if you or any of your readers have tried any of these ‘formulas’ understanding full well that they are not the magic bullet.
I am married with 3 kids and introducing my husband to new things is not simple. My thought was that introducing one of these lotions or ointments may allow me to slip it into our love-making with a discussion on the topic after the fact. I can’t say that I’m part of the 46%, though if the other 54% is the ‘extremely satisfied’ group, i’m not in that one either. If you haven’t tried any of these products, that’s OK too. Just don’t yell at me for seeking more information.
Oh, Natalie, I’m so sorry you thought we were attacking you. You have every right to want to try everything. That’s the only way you’ll see if something works for you, right? We’re just trying to save you the hassle of trying those products, because we know from our collective experience (hands on and not) that they don’t work.
Also I want to put it out there that your husband might appreciate you talking to him about your needs and satisfaction before hand. This gives him a chance to see you trust he’ll listen rather then trying to “pull one over” him, which will do more damage to your trust levels than you think.
Can I suggest, too, having a “back to school” date? Rent or buy a couple educational videos about incorporating toys into sex, oral sex techniques, or how to enjoy the g-spot. Make a night of it, you can each choose one to watch, for instance a video on felatio and a video on cunnilingus. This can really open up the table for talking to your partner about what you like. When you see something you’d like to experience, let him know… “Honey, that looks fun,” is fine. And give him the chance to do the same. This is about growing closer together.
A great book out there is Hot Monogamy. Also the DVD, Personal Touch “Monogamy Without Monotony”, which should be featured on our website soon.
Good luck, Natalie!
[...] Dear Red As i was reading your post, i was hoping that it would include something the female sexual enhancement products that are out there. I won t name any of them here, but there are a lot of choices (lotions, ointments, pills,etc. … [...]