Good Vibrations Magazine

By Allison G

Working at a company like Good Vibrations can be pretty revolutionary in even more than the expected ways. From the sensitivity of fellow co-workers, to discussing sex toys/practices in the office, and being able to peruse more than a few “Not Safe For Work” websites in a day’s work, it is understandable how this atmosphere can change a person’s state of mind. Being surrounded by people who are trained and excited to be culturally sensitive to co-workers and customers for 8 hours a day can almost make you forget that outside those doors, the world may not feel the same way.

Before I started here, I had my fair share of odd jobs doing everything from selling candy in a mall to constructing 7 ft tall centerpieces out of styrofoam—and I have to say, sex-positivity wasn’t always at the forefront of my mind. I knew growing up in South Florida to keep certain thoughts and opinions to myself for the most part and accepted that sometimes keeping your mouth shut at work can result in better day to day office relationships with those around you. I knew, for instance, not to bring up gay marriage in front of 2 co-workers from a former job who didn’t even believe in dinosaurs. I had my outside-of-work friends and when I went to my job, I was “Work Allison”, that abbreviated, conditioned version of myself that was only an inkling of what I was at home among family and friends. When I moved to New York and later San Francisco, that version of myself got a little more color, a little more room to grow, but my work self and home self still remained somewhat separate.

It literally took me getting a job in the sex industry to figure out how many people out there were really ok with sex. I went to work everyday as Allison, regular Allison who could voice opinions and talk about politics and sexuality and pornography, all in the quest to make my company even better, even stronger. But as months went by and I spent five or six days a week surrounded by this group of powerful professionals who were all open and accepting of other people’s preferences and lifestyles, I began to notice myself becoming more sensitive to other people’s lack thereof. Years ago I could have politely sat through a dinner party despite the occasional insensitive remark. I would smile and slowly chew my salad, go home and probably not even give it a second thought. Recently when a sexually insensitive conversation took place I had to excuse myself to the bathroom and spend five minutes pulling myself together so I could get through the rest of the night without bursting into tears at the table. Had the insulting remarks come from someone not related to my partner, there would have been a serious exchange of words. For a while, I wasn’t even sure why I was so upset, after all, this wasn’t the first time I had to sit through a conversation about why bisexuality was “disgusting”. I just kept thinking about this bubble I lived in at work and how unacceptable this conversation would be anywhere else in my life. It isn’t like I had forgotten homophobia exists, or gender stereotyping, or gross misunderstandings about the human body and what it is capable of, it simply turned out that being surrounded by sex-positive people all day made dealing with those misinformed folks even harder.

Now when I hear someone spouting untruths about transsexuals I want to shake them and rattle off fact after fact proving them wrong, inventing allegories and analogies in my head that could perhaps help them to understand why they shouldn’t judge. Or when a group of people casually infer that participating in anal sex makes someone gay, even when it is occurring between a man and a woman, I just want to get on my soapbox and tell them, “NO NO! That isn’t what being gay means, you’ve got it all wrong!” In the past, depending on if I were in a fighting mood or not, I could say something witty and perhaps make the person feel bad for a minute then excuse myself from the conversation. Now I want to use my hours and hours of SESA training and shout it from the mountain tops. I guess it is a good thing I edit an online magazine.

What I’m getting at is that being sex-positive can be a struggle. For some people it takes time to learn how to accept people or practices you might personally not understand or want to participate in. For some people it is hard enough learning to accept their own sexuality even when they respect others. For me, the struggle is finding a balance between surrounding myself with positive, like-minded individuals and not letting those who haven’t learned it yet get me down. It is good to have a fire inside you, a fire that fuels your desire to right wrongs and create harmonious relationships, to learn and grow and share what you’ve learned. Sometimes I see my job as being a sexual superhero, someone who puts positive energy back into the world and spreads sex-positivity to the masses. But really, I’m just a person trying to find some happiness and do what I can to help create the world I want to live in—the world where sex-positivity is the norm and the bubble is big enough to fit us all.