suggestions.
By jameson • Mar 14th, 2007 • Category: BlogThings that could bring sexy back to your relationship:
Be prepared. If you want sex to happen more, you need to be ready! Lube, good clean toys, breathmits if you need ‘em, a friend who will watch the kids at the last minute.
Be intimate. This cannot be overemphasized. Kiss your partner before you go to work. Put your hand in their pants when you wake up–not to start sex necessarily, but just to touch–play with their hair while they drive. Something. Anything. Always.
I learned this through my experiences in long distance relationships. Reuniting with a lover after a time apart is not as exciting and romantic as it looks in the movies. It’s awkward at first. I would think in my head how we’d rush back to the house/hotel and fuck like bunnies, and we’d be happy, and all would be good and delicious. It never worked that way for me.
I couldn’t jump from not touching at all to makin’ out and having sex. If the routine of life has pulled you from not just having sex as often as you like, but also from being intimate with your partner on a regular basis, it makes sense that jumping to sex would be difficult. All the small steps during the day (touches, kisses, arms around waists and shoulders) bring you closer to your partner, and closer to more satisfying sex more often.
Have smaller sexes. What does this mean? Let a blowjob be just a blowjob. Ask for a hand job and only a hand job. If you don’t have time for “the whole nine” go to four and go on with your day. As you already know, sex is more than putting a penis in a vagina. Why not have smaller sex when that’s all you have time for, or all you really want at that moment?
Communicate. Talk about what you want. Talk about what you feel is missing. Let your partner know that sex is important to you. Let sex be important to you, and let yourself ask for it when you want it. Also, let your partner know that you’re not liking the pattern of him only wanting sex if you get all gussied up.
Make sex a priority. Nothing that matters, really matters, is easy. Sex is no different. If you both put an honest effort into making time for sex, and nothing changes, I would reconsider your schedules or your relationship. Perhaps going to school full time and working full time and having a full time relationship isn’t going to work right now; perhaps you mean enough to each other to commit to one day (or one evening, at least) to each other, without school or work or plans with friends. This is up to both of you.
Lastly:
I do not believe men should be in charge of when a heterosexual couple has sex. Women are sexual creatures. Humans are sexual creatures. Male bodies are not the only bodies that need fucking. You deserve sex when you want it as much as your partner does. Do not wait for him when your body is the one that’s wanting. Your needs are just as important as his.
Good luck to all of you out there who are in similar positions. I know that it can be really hard to prioritize sex when there is so much else to do in your day, so many chores that are necessary for survival and adulthood. But a sexual connection with your partner is essential to keeping your relationship alive and well.
hope that helped,
jameson.
jameson >> a very wholesome looking pervert who is a sex cheerleader by day, super sex cheerleader by night. she majored in women's studies but hates assumed gender differences, loves porn, and was never taught how to think her words are worthless, so obviously she likes to write (and talk and talk and talk, fast).
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