Good Vibrations Magazine

Due to popular interest, we’re continuing our series of gay boy & lesbian girl Q & A. Here’s the latest entry, from Pot, and look for another Kettle entry as soon as we can get to it…

JM: Do you think someone who doesn’t know anyone who’s gay (or thinks they don’t) would be surprised at how “normal” your life, and your friends’ lives are?

JB: Well, if you think that going home, taking the dogs for a walk, making dinner and watching Project Runway is weird, than yes.

But seriously, sometimes I wonder if those that think that being gay is a “lifestyle”, and an “alternative” one at that, really know what it’s like to be gay. What is it like?…I can’t speak for everyone, but I’d say, for the most part, our lives are pretty much like your lives. I mean, hey….we pay taxes too (hmmmm, why do we all pay taxes when we can’t get married!? Must think on this.) But, maybe I’m the only lesbian not invited to mass orgies or something. I’ll have to ask around, but I’m pretty sure most of my friends enjoy playing Cranium and having dinner parties, just like I do. Gosh, is anyone still awake…I just realized I’m kinda a bore.

JM: Do lesbians tend to wait until they’re in a committed relationship, more akin to the stereotype about straight women, or are they like gay men, sleeping on the first date (again, a stereotype)?

JB: The lesbians I know usually sleep together BEFORE the first date. Ha ha, just kidding, but not really. What IS a date, anyway? But, if you’re asking if lesbians wait to sleep together more-so than gay men, my educated guess is n.o. no. At least not the ones I know.

JM: Have you ever dated someone just for their looks? or is that just a “GUY” thing?

JB: Well, I dated Angelina Jolie just for her looks, but that was when I was in my “shallow” phase. Wait, that was just a dream. Anyway, if you’re asking if women date or sleep with other women based on pure physical attraction, the answer is NO, never. And I’m lying. Chemistry is chemistry, and if it’s there, it’s there. I know people who have slept with people even though it was a really bad idea and they knew better but they thought the woman was “hot”….and no, I’m not talking about me.

JM: Why are lesbians seen more as “crunchy granola earth mother” types than gay men are?

JB: You know….I don’t know. And, I don’t know if that’s really true. There ARE certain “types” of women in the community….and one of the “types” is certainly the crunchy variety, but doesn’t the men’s community have that type as well? (I’m thinking Radical Faeries here.) But anyway, I have given this a bit of thought, and my guess is that some lesbians are more “earthy and crunchy” than gay men because they embrace spirituality or a way of living that doesn’t have to do with a patriarchy…and has to do more with nature and women’s connection with nature. But, don’t quote me, I’m not an expert….I don’t even like camping unless it involves a cabin with a hot tub and plenty of Mimosas.

JM: What is a “stone butch”?

JB: You need to read Stone Butch Blues, mister gay person. It should be required reading for everyone on the homo scale. But, to answer your question: “stone butch” refers to women who are butch in mannerisms, and sexually aren’t into being touched. Stone butches get off by pleasing their lovers.

JM: What’s the “lezziest” thing you’ve ever done?

JB: Does slow dancing with Ellen DeGeneres to a K.D. Lang song while on an Olivia Cruise count? Har. But really….I guess my answer would be…getting a matching tattoo with my girlfriend. AND….it’s a bunny. Is that lezzie enough for you? I thought so. Or, maybe it’s going on a weekend trip out of town to the Russian River (gay resort!) with my gf, my ex-gf and her gf, and two dogs. Yes, I think that may win the contest.

JM: Is it true that lesbians call U-Haul after the first date?

JB: Well, if you have an account there, you can usually email them to set up the reservations…so there’s no need to call. And hey, U-Haul people…maybe you should set up a discount for those who like to relationship-jump. I’m thinking an offer like, “Lezzie Special—Use our service 3x in one year and get 20% off your 4th move-in with the ‘love of your life, this is my last relationship ever’ person”.

So..you’re asking if women shack up faster than the average person, aren’t you? The answer is, well, not really. Or at least we pretend that we aren’t shacking up. Until you cancel your old lease, you haven’t moved in yet, have you? I mean, MOVING IN can be interpreted several ways. I know some women who spend every single second at their gf’s house, but because their electricity hasn’t been shut off at their place, they won’t own up to it.

I’m tickled at how some of lesbians make fun of this stereotype, and at the same time, become attached to their lover at the hip from the second they meet but then try to act like they are “so not into” jumping into relationships and pretend they are “casually dating” when everyone knows they have that U-Haul parked behind the house with the key in the ignition. That makes me giggle.

JM: Why are lesbians so much more into “discussing the relationship?” is that just a woman thing? When I tell friends that my BF & I had another “discussion,” they all say “how lesbian of you.”

JB: Ah, processing! I guess the stereotype is that women always want to talk everything over all the time. Personally, I snort at the idea. Snort. Truthfully though, there is probably a grain of truth to women being more apt to discuss things…and if you times the woman factor by two, well…there you go…much discussing. However, maybe I am just a rogue lesbian, but personally I think processing is overrated. A trip to the dog park is better than a session of talking and is better for a relationship than rehashing issues…but maybe that’s just another “lesbian” thing that means I’m co-dependent with my dogs!

to be continued…