Internet Porn – Is it cheating?
By Wildchyld • Aug 31st, 2006 • Category: BlogThe internet has greatly changed the way that people have been able to explore their sexuality. Rather than being limited to fantasizing and buying erotic materials out of the back of magazines, shy explorers can view stories, images, videos, webcams and chat with others who share their interest right from their living rooms.
Suddenly, we all realize that no matter how far fetched our fantasies are, someone else there is thinking of something just as interesting as what we have concocted. While that in itself is a wonderful step toward teaching others that it is normal to think about sex, it can have some relationship ramifications if your unaware partner suddenly finds out that you’ve been sending hot emails to Tassy at Pinkgasm or that top link in your browser is Ouchie the Clown
For a partner, finding out that your mate has been searching out sex on the net can be devastating, even if it’s happening only in a voyeuristic sense. Suddenly, instead of just wondering who your partner is fantasizing about you KNOW what they have been getting off on, it’s right in front of your face. When the object of your partner’s affection is posting new photos daily, performing on webcams and interacting with them online, the line between simple fantasy and relationship boundaries can seem much less clear.
My personal thought is that internet porn ISN’T cheating, if you’re viewing it as a fan and not creating a more personal relationship with the stars of the websites. Looking at photographs and videos online is healthy, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of you being able to have healthy and productive relationships offline. If you’re spending more time jerking off to your favorite amateur then making love to your partner, then it may be time to step away from the computer!
Here are a few of my recommendations about how to talk to your partner about your online porn habit. If possible, talk about the subject BEFORE you get caught. Sometimes the betrayal itself is what makes someone angry, not the porn. If your partner is open to it, surf with them present and make it a part of your shared sexuality.
If you do get caught and find yourself trying to explain your interests, focus on how important they are to you and deemphasize the importance of the porn. Ask them if they want to surf it with you and if they say yes spend that time focusing on your partner and for goodness sake if he/she asks “are they sexier than me” the answer is “no!”. Use the experience to strengthen your bond and facilitate communication.
When I was doing regular webcam shows I had many couples who would watch me together and the women often found it comforting to find out that their partners were into my big rounded curves. I got one letter from a woman thanking me because by seeing her husband turned on by my round belly, she began to believe that he thought hers was sexy too. I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve also gotten “stop stealing my husband” emails, but they are much less frequent and usually have more to do with a lack of communication in the relationship and less to do with my naked ass.
Yes, its totally possible that once you share your clown porn obsession your partner may counter by sending you to Stop Clown Porn Now , but they may just as easily throw on some squeaky shoes and meet you in the bedroom. You never know unless you ask!
