Giving Advice in bed
By Wildchyld • Aug 16th, 2006 • Category: BlogI was browsing the web today and found a video posting where men were discussing whether they would be offended if their partner gave them advice in the bedroom.
Partners SHOULD be helping each other navigate sexual experiences. It seems to me that the issue isn’t whether advice should be given, but rather HOW the advice is given.
The best advice rarely sounds like advice. Instead, it sounds like encouragement. When you’re providing information to your partner always phrase things in the positive. Instead of “I don’t like it when you grab so hard” try “I love it when you stroke me softly.”
Here’s another example: You’re a female and during oral sex your partner has a tendency to be all over the place and what you would really enjoy is direct stimulation to the right of your clitoris along with a few fingers inserted in your vagina.
Bad idea: “Ouch! What the hell are you doing you sloppy fool, lick my clit”
Good idea: “Oh that feels so good, please lick me right here, it would be so amazing to feel your fingers in my too. Yes just like that, you’re so amazing”
See the difference between the two. The first one is chastising your partner for making mistakes while the second encourages exploration without knocking your partner’s abilities. Have fun!
What is one to do when one has been out of the market for a several years and is seeing a nice guy, but it seems like he’s never been trained? It’s an effort just to get him to touch me?! We won’t even go for the vanilla aspect, but one thing at a time.