ew on you.
By jameson • Jul 15th, 2006 • Category: BlogOhmygod I love porn. And metal sex toys. And electric vibes. I also love customers who ask a lot of questions in that “Hot damn I’m so excited” kinda way. I love slippery stuff gel, Belladonna, sexy picture books, and Penthouse Variations (which we don’t carry at Good Vibrations, sadly). I love (love) my job. What do I hate? The ew-ers.
Now, one hears a lot working at Good Vibrations. As I’ve said before, I hear the stories that most people never do. Sometimes the stories come from people who are excited and open, and sometimes they come from people who are somewhere in the process of repairing a sexuality that’s seen abuse or neglect. I’ve heard amazing masturbation stories from thirty year old virgins, and tales of sexual olympics from crinkled couples who remember “the good old days”. All in all, I’ve taught myself not to assume what anyone’s going to say, and not to take offense to their tone of voice, kinds of questions, or demeanor in the store. I don’t know where you were before you walked through our doors. I don’t know what kind of life you’ve had or how it’s affected you and your sexuality.
However.
All this having been said, the ew-ers make me want to run screaming from the store and, and, and I don’t know what else. They drive me mad! “What’s an ew-er?” you innocently ask. Let me explain:
An ew-er is a person who walks into the store and needs to let you know how gross they think everything is. Their word of choice is (not so suprisingly, but louder than you’d expect) “EW!”, which is often but not always followed by something like “who would use that thing?!” These people point with the ew at anything from butt plugs to harnesses to glass dildos to condoms. Yes, to an ew-er, sometimes even the condoms are gross.
The sex educator in me knows and understands that maybe these people are really really nervous to be in the store, and maybe the ew-ing is the only way they can deal with their shaky emotions as they get so intrigued by our array of products. This is what I want (and try) to believe. But they make it so hard.
They come in packs, usually. They laugh a lot. They don’t want to touch something unless they can immediately hit their friends with whatever it is they’ve chosen to pick up (dildos. feathers. riding crops). They pick up the vulva ecsta-sleeve and force one another to put their fingers in it. They point and stare and walk out without buying a thing.
This all I could deal with. I’m comfortable in my sexuality, and I’ve stopped caring when an ew-er points to the biggest dildo on our shelves and says “wow. whoever uses that must be really fucked up”. I know I’m not fucked up for being a size queen. I love who I am and how I love. I’m fine. But I’m not the only person in the store.
“We sell things because people use them” is what I’ve started saying to the ew-ers when they get a little too loud. Their laughing and pointing (even if rooted in their own insecurities) bothers me so much because they insult the sexualities of the customers around them. They make other people uncomfortable. This is not okay.
Jameson’s sex tip for the day? Don’t be an ew-er. Open your mind (and whatever else you want to). When your mouth wants to ew, oh instead. Or, better yet, ask a question. Instead of saying “who the hell would use that?!” ask “what does that feel like?” or “how does that work?” or (without the nasty tone of voice) “why do people use that?” Anyone who works at Good Vibrations would love to explain such things to you. Just ask! But don’t (please, please please don’t) just point and ew and stare and insult the courage that the other customers had in coming to my store. I respect them and you, and I only ask that you do the same.
And who knows, you may find that the vulva ecstasleeve is the best thing your penis ever met. Ooh, or the clear fleshlight. So hot.
If only I had a dick….
oh-ingly yours,
jameson.
jameson >> a very wholesome looking pervert who is a sex cheerleader by day, super sex cheerleader by night. she majored in women's studies but hates assumed gender differences, loves porn, and was never taught how to think her words are worthless, so obviously she likes to write (and talk and talk and talk, fast).
All posts by jameson
Word count for this post: 750
Although I do not work at a sex store, I have encountered “ew-ers” all too many times in my life. Thank you for helping these closeted people to heal their sexuality, which I think is key to healing our shame-loving society. Keep up the good work for all of us!
Sometimes ew-ers are people who really do want to learn about the toys but haven’t gotten over that nagging junior high school mentality that says “sex is bad, dirty and should stay hidden”. Rather than seeing ewers as an annoyance, see them as new territory just begging to be enlightened. The chances are that they aren’t going to stop eweing today, but planting a positive seed about sexuality might turn the ew-ers of today into the ahhhers of tomorrow