Good Vibrations Magazine

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So, you think you might be interested in watching a dirty movie, eh? You’re not alone. According to the Free Speech Coalition’s 1999 survey of adult retailers, during 1998 stores in the United States reported a total of 686 million rentals of adult tapes. Typically when we think of the people who rent the videos, we think of men in raincoats and all those stereotypes — and while that may be true for part of the population, these guys are practically extinct today. It’s certainly true that the average viewer is male, but the viewership has changed over the last 25 years to include a greater amount of women and couples of all orientations. While a 1997 study by The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality concluded that most explicit books, magazines, and videos were marketed to heterosexual men, the researchers noted that in recent years more material had been produced by and for heterosexual women.

If you’re female, admitting to yourself that you want to watch a dirty movie may take some — or a lot of — forethought. One of the major obstacles that we women face is the widely held notion that women don’t respond to sexual imagery as men do — a notion that is absolutely untrue. In her 1994 study, Dr. Ellen Laan of the University of Amsterdam proved that women respond physiologically to sexual images, even when the women said that the porn they watched was boring or unarousing. When seeing the sex onscreen (whether from male or female directors), their genitals congested with blood proving a sexual response.

Once you feel okay with using porn as a sex toy, there are a few things you need to know before you get started. First, keep your expectations in check — you’re not going to see films the quality of mega-budget Hollywood blockbusters. Why not? Because outside of Hollywood studios, no one has that kind of money, or those resources to throw around, especially in a film genre that’s controversial.

The quality you are going to see is that of daytime soap operas: simple sets, standard lighting, digital cameras, and barely-there acting. Unless you go with a film from a bigger studio — the world of porn has a studio system just like in Hollywood. The big studio films (like Vivid and VCA) have bigger budgets, better sets, actors who might have gone to acting school, writers who have writing experience, and directors who are more likely to take their craft seriously, with some even using real film stock in their movies.

Just like any other sex toy, it helps if you’re aroused before you begin watching porn. When you’re ready to put the tape in and press “play,” be sure to have the following items ready: lube, a dildo, vibrator, and/or towel, and the remote control. Having a sex toy ready if you need it is handy because if the video turns you on and you want to get off, you won’t have to interrupt the moment to search around for your toys.

But why the remote control? The remote is the only really required item for porn viewing: you’ll need to fast forward through anything you don’t like, or whatever distracts you from your arousal — be it lame dialogue, a sex act you don’t prefer, or an unsightly boob job. For some people this may seem like a hassle at first — why can’t they just make the “perfect” porno?

The makers of porn try to appeal to as many tastes as possible in a relatively short amount of time. Porn has to get to the point pretty quickly in order to retain horny viewers who usually want instant gratification, and so, like Hollywood, they’ve boiled down what they think viewers want into formulas. These are typical-male type formulas — that is, typical males of about 20 years ago.

The formulas always include six to seven sex scenes, a standard set of positions and couplings, actors and actresses with mostly-shaved genitals, men with larger than normal penises, and women with larger than normal breasts — with a few notable exceptions. An oft-voiced complaint is that the men are acceptable when unlovely in fitness and form, while the women’s bodies must conform to a standard: underweight, blonde hair, big lips, and big boobs (the Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery Association is always well represented). Without fail, the men always pull out before orgasm and ejaculate on the women’s breasts, face, ass, or vulva, so the viewer can see it. To say the least, little emphasis is placed on female orgasm and ejaculation, but that’s changing as we speak.

Think about what expectations you’re bringing to your first adult video. This will help you make a selection that won’t leave you high and dry, or in the worst-case scenario, angry at the genre. What ideas turn you on — small breasts, big butts, women in charge, realistic plots, blowjobs, two gals and a guy, male anal penetration, group sex? This may not be your list, but you get the idea. Get clear on what you want to avoid by making another list of things you don’t want to see — do you get turned off by fake breasts, hairy men, rimming, toe-sucking, facial ejaculation, two women together, or watching anal sex? These are just examples to get you brainstorming about what you’ll want to look for, and what you’ll want to fast-forward through. You may find more to add to either list as you view tapes — sometimes we find things that turn us on or off that we didn’t even know about.

Knowing what you like and dislike can help enormously when selecting a tape. You can single out many of your preferences before you rent or buy, and then skip the parts you don’t care for. The reviews on the Good Vibrations web site are very helpful in these matters — I should know, I’ve been writing these reviews for years. The reviews and ratings can also help you select videos that address finding things you don’t usually see on the blue screen, such as an all-natural cast (enhancement-free), internal ejaculation, attention to cinematography and lighting, great acting and excellent plot.

As a general rule, we never carry a film that is demeaning or abusive toward women, or includes any racist or discriminatory content — of any kind. We make sure our tapes portray healthy sexuality, meaning that they depict positive attitudes about sex (no sexual shame allowed!), and women getting off as much as the men. There is always attention to female pleasure involved. The porn we carry can’t model unsafe sex practices, such as penetration that goes from anus to vagina (which causes infection), or inserting toys anally that can get “lost” in the rectum. Whenever something borderline or potentially button-pressing comes up — but the tape has an overwhelming redeeming quality, such as a stand-out sex scene or contains something underrepresented in porn — we make sure that the descriptions warn customers about it.

There are certain things in porn that are going to be hard to avoid if you don’t like them. Facial ejaculation (men ejaculating on women’s faces) is pretty much a standard. So are boob jobs. I hear a lot of complaints about both of these things but some people, somewhere, like them. But if you want to avoid “facials,” look for porn made by women directors, like Veronica Hart and Candida Royalle. Both women make excellent plot-driven movies, and if you want to avoid anal sex, so does Candida, who almost always avoids it in her films. Finding all-natural starlets is a little tricky, but there are more of them now than five years ago. Look for porn made by independent movie companies like SIR Video, or porn that features all-naturals.

Libido’s Ecstatic Moments is a highly recommended first-time video for all persuasions. Great first-time porn films from big production houses are Veronica Hart’s White Lightning and Love’s Passion, and Candida Royalle’s Eyes of Desire 2 and One Size Fits All. Juliet Anderson’s Ageless Desire is wonderful for first-time viewers over 60 who want to see folks “still doing it” in a tasteful, hot video. Classics are terrific to investigate adult movies with, and you can start with Radley Metzger’s Score, which doesn’t contain genital close-ups. Or, check out other oldies like Barbara Broadcast or Outlaw Ladies.