Good Vibrations Magazine

Plenty of guys are fascinated by buttholes — or at least by the idea of buttholes. Want proof? Why does anal sex appear in practically every mainstream erotic video made in recent years?

On the other hand, why is it that those videos always feature the woman on the receiving end? Not that I’m complaining, mind you — but (just about) every guy on the planet has a perfectly good butthole, just waiting for a little attention. For women who have sex with men, though, it’s not always so easy to broach the topic. “Hey, you’re cute, I’d like to fuck you up the ass” isn’t exactly the most common pick-up line for a woman to try on a man. I’m sure it works for some girls, but I’d be reluctant to try it even after sharing a pitcher of margaritas. How does a nice girl like me (or you) — or, for that matter, a not-so-nice girl like me (or you) — talk to her guy’s butt?

It can be risky. I’ve often wondered if anal sex isn’t a favorite male fantasy precisely because it’s so scary and forbidden. Men are taught from an early age that liking it in the butt means you’re either gay or female, and probably not even female. And being gay is one of the scariest possible things to most adolescent boys. Those assumptions don’t go away when guys grow up, and for my money, that’s why so many male-oriented videos feature nonstop hardcore anal action with the woman always receiving — because the very thought of receiving anal pleasure is so charged that it brings both explosive arousal and a kind of affirmation.

Gay men are often thought to have it easier when it comes to the butthole — after all, from all the propaganda, isn’t that what gay men do? Well, yes, some of them, but lots of gay men find their buttholes just as scary as their straight counterparts. Being gay does not necessarily exempt you from negative messages about anal sexuality.

But despite all this anti-ass propaganda, rumplove remains a common male obsession, and if you think straight guys don’t fantasize about being the receiver in anal pleasure, think again. Just ask any woman who’s worked on a phone sex line, where male-receptive anal play is often one of the most frequently requested fantasies. Or ask the makers of the highly successful Bend Over Boyfriend and Bend Over Boyfriend 2.

It’s not just a lunatic fringe of hetero guys who want you to bend them over. Sure, it’s not like every guy is dying to have you play with his butt — but don’t assume for an instant that your studly beau is so manly that he’d freak out if you brought it up. He might be man enough to smile and say “ooooh, baby.”

But there’s a flip side: Some women who sleep with men might wonder why they should be interested in playing with their man’s butts. Well, just as not every woman likes receiving anal pleasure, not everyone enjoys giving it. But if you’re bewildered by anal love, consider this: The anus has so many nerve endings, and is touched so infrequently (I’m not talking about your friend Norma who owns 4,000 butt plugs, mind you, I’m talking about most people) that it can bring your man kinds of pleasure he and you never knew existed. What’s more, the charge that anal sex carries for some men can be used to profoundly enhance fantasy scenarios — not to mention the kind of intimacy you can get from sharing something he would never ever try if he didn’t just trust the hell out of you. If you’re in an ongoing relationship and caught up in the doldrums of Straight Couple’s Bed Death, playing with his butt can open up whole new sexual frontiers.

So if the idea of exploring your man’s butt tempts you, but you’re not sure where to start, here are a few pointers on how you might want to broach the topic.

• Perhaps you could point out a video like Bend Over Boyfriend and make a gentle and friendly remark about it. Be careful here — “Can you imagine some guys actually like stuff like that? They must be gay, right?” is not a clever, disarming and humorous way to play with his insecurities. Try something like “Hey, that’s interesting. I wonder what that’s like?” That may leave the back door open without pushing him through.
• A little more aggressive approach: Actually get your hands on a video about male anal pleasure, or a book like Anal Pleasure and Health or even The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex. Reading it in bed or leaving the video out where he can find it should make your interest pretty obvious.
• If you enjoy receiving anal sex yourself, or have always wanted to try it, you could certainly start a conversation about how much you like that, then make a comment along the lines of: “I love it when you play with my butt. Do you think it would feel good if I played with yours? That would be so hot for me.”
• While you might want to be cautious about touching a guy’s anus during sex if you haven’t established his interest beforehand, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with grabbing, squeezing and kneading his buttocks during an extended session of bodysurfing. Give his cheeks a few well-placed tongue kisses, maybe nibble a little, and see how he responds. If he gets up on all fours and starts moaning “Do me, do me, do me!” — well, in that case, you might want to try going a little further.
• I would advise you against buying a strap-on and wearing it to bed as the first order of business, but hey, it works for some girls.
• Or, try the most direct possible approach. “Honey, I’d really like to play with your butt” may freak him out, but at least he’ll get the point. And who knows, he might shout “No kidding? It’s about time! What took you so long?”

Once you’ve got him interested, don’t panic! Next month you’ll hear all about how to get started on safe and sexy anal fun for your man. Or, if you’ve got him in the sling right now and you’re reading this on your Palm Pilot, you can always order a copy of Bend Over Boyfriend for a helpful guide. But you’ll have to put on your clothes to let the Fed Ex courier in.

For further pleasure:

Bend Over Boyfriend
Bend Over Boyfriend 2
Anal Pleasure and Health
The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex
Babes Ballin’ Boys #4