Good Vibrations Magazine

You’ve already seen the telltale signs. Red silk roses and heart-shaped candy boxes are piling up in your local store. These Valentine’s Day gifts may be classics, but you’re an original. So instead of the tired bouquets and bonbons, why not give your woman what she really wants this year: an evening spent enjoying your undivided attention.

To set the stage, tidy up the house — especially the bathroom and the bedroom — and light some candles. Put on her favorite romantic music; it doesn’t matter if it’s Barry White or Bach, as long as it puts her in the mood. Offer her a glass of champagne, some sparkling cider, or a cup of relaxing herb tea while you run a warm bath. To soften and perfume her skin, add a half-cup of baking soda and a few drops of soothing lavender oil to the water.

Lead your lady into the bathroom. Gently undress her, allowing your fingers and lips to linger on the sensitive spots: the curve of her neck, her palm, the base of her spine. Help her into the tub and let her settle back into the water. Let her relax as long as she likes, then use a soft bath brush or loofah and some shower gel to wash her from head to toe.

When she is ready to leave the bath, stand ready with a fluffy towel. (A few minutes in the dryer will make it deliciously warm.) Pat her skin dry, and then ask her to stretch out on the bed for a massage. Warm her favorite lotion or a light massage oil by pouring a small amount into your hand and then rubbing your palms together. Begin by stroking her shoulders, neck, back, and upper arms, then work down her forearms. Don’t forget her hands; if she uses a computer regularly, you may find tension in her wrists and fingers. Then move to her feet, tracing the long, delicate bones along the instep. If she is on her feet at work, spend a few extra minutes on her calf muscles and Achilles tendons. Work up to her bottom, and knead the large muscles there as well. If your fingers happen to find their way to her sex, well… I won’t tell on you.

Are you a foot fetishist? Add a pedicure. Have an eye for color? Make up your beloved’s face. Adore her flowing locks? Give them a hundred strokes with a few drops of rosemary oil and a natural-bristle brush. If you fancy Victorian erotica, you’ll no doubt have read about even more intimate forms of hair care — with a pair of round-ended scissors, carefully trim your lady’s pubic hair and then gently comb it. The slight, rhythmic tugging is maddeningly exciting! If she prefers her parts smooth and silky, work up a lather with some mild soap and shave her. (Be sure to use a brand-new safety razor and move slowly. If you can remove shaving cream from an inflated balloon without popping it, you’re good to go.)

When your lover is all warm and relaxed, dress her in thigh-high stockings, her sexiest bra and panty set, and a silky robe before you serve her a meal a la 9 1/2 Weeks. Blindfold her and feed her ripe fruit, chocolate, and other sensuous morsels with your fingers. Trail a strawberry along the curve of her breast, or sip champagne from her navel. Slide a peeled banana up her thigh; slip a slice of ripe mango between her labia and nibble away.

Does your beloved enjoy erotica? Let her curl up with her favorite vibe as you declaim the randy adventures of some lusty heroine. Or treat her to a story of your own. Don’t stress out about character development or plot devices — just recount one of your fondest memories with her, or confess one of your secret fantasies in fictional form. Let yourself linger over descriptions of the things that turn you on about her: her sultry voice, perhaps, or her flirtatious smile. Maybe it’s the way she looks first thing in the morning, when she’s wandering around barefoot, dressed only in your old Oxford shirt, or the scent of her sweat when she comes in from a run. Whatever makes your heart beat faster, tell her.

When all is said and done, pose this question: What can I do to make you feel good?

Because when it comes down to it, romance isn’t just about the commercial trappings of perfume and pearls. It’s about giving your time and your love to someone for the sheer pleasure of seeing them happy. There’s simply nothing sexier on Valentine’s Day, or any day at all.

For further enjoyment:

Fire in the Valley: The Intimate Guide to Female Genital Massage