Good Vibrations Magazine

If you’re shallow, that’s okay. In fact, it may be especially good when you’re talking about pussy.

So much of the attention lavished on female genitals is about penetration — not that there’s anything wrong with that. But if you’re looking for a change of pace, either as a giver or receiver, think about forgoing that divine trip inside the vagina. Female genital massage is a technique that can vastly increase your pleasure whether or not you enjoy penetration.

Oftentimes the genital caress — for both genders — is seen as “foreplay,” a cursory diversion to get partners ready for “real sex,” or intercourse. Whether performed with a mouth or a pair of hands, stimulation of the woman’s vulva is sometimes seen as a prelude to the main event. That can be as true for two women as it can be for a man and a woman, especially now that so many delicious penetrative toys are available for our enjoyment. But if you’re looking to please and tease a woman beyond all bounds of decency, think about spending some time outside.

“I love it when a partner spends a lot of time on the outside of my pussy,” says Emily, a Silicon Valley executive. “I had a lover who used to take an hour, even two hours, and use his hands to just stroke me gently, caressing my outer lips, inner lips, clit, thighs, and lower belly. It felt so good to be touched in that way — so different than intercourse, or even cunnilingus. By the time he was actually ready to put something inside me, I was so hot I’d come right away, sometimes after having come once already.”

But though Emily enjoys intercourse, it by no means has to be the end result of an extended genital caress. Christine, a Marin dance instructor, says she enjoys having her lover make her come through manual stimulation without penetrating her. “I love feeling her fingers inside me, but sometimes it’s so great just to focus on the outside. With the hands it feels so much different than cunnilingus, which I also love. It’s a great change of pace, especially with my current lover, who has no problem spending a long, long time pleasing me.”

That’s a good point — cunnilingus. Doesn’t cunnilingus represent a form of female genital massage? Well, yes — and pussy licking can certainly be part of a good massage. But there are a few important ways the hands differ from the mouth. First, while a tongue may feel divine, it’s essentially a gentle organ, and there’s a limit to its strength. Women receiving a genital massage with the hands can experience a huge variation in pressure — from gentle stroking to intense force to tickling and even slapping if that feels good. There are all sorts of different surfaces on the hands, including knuckles, fingers, the edge and flat of the palm, wrists, the heel of the hand — even elbows and shoulders can get into the act in a creative session. All of these surfaces offer a new and slightly different texture, giving the receiver all sorts of delicious sensations on which to focus.

Furthermore, during cunnilingus hands can add a whole new dimension. For one thing, tongues don’t get much of a physical workout in the real world, so sometimes they tire quickly. For a partner whose tongue gets tired, using hands can free up much-needed muscle to keep the fires burning almost indefinitely.

Below are a few suggestions for giving an intense massage to your female partner’s genitals. Remember that women’s genitals tend to vary in sensation even more than men’s do — what feels fantastic to one woman may annoy another. Be sure to communicate with your partner before, during and after the session.

• Give yourself a manicure even if you don’t plan to put your fingers inside your partner. One ragged fingernail can ruin her whole day — and yours!
• One advantage to female genital massage is that by caressing the outside and forgoing penetration, the risk of transmitting an STD (including HIV) is greatly reduced. However, HIV and other STDs do exist in transmissible levels in vaginal fluids, so it’s a good idea to use a latex glove — especially if you gave yourself a good enough manicure, which can break the skin. A glove also can smooth out any calluses, dry skin or hangnails, and any remaining ragged fingernails.
• For a different sensation, use lubricant — especially if you use a glove. Thinner lubes like Liquid Silk and Slippery Stuff Liquid tend to work better for this sort of thing (and they’re free of glycerines, which can contribute to irritation). If you’re not using a glove, you can use any kind of massage oil, which can add sexy scents (other than your partner’s) to the experience. However, if you do use massage oil, it will eat holes in a latex glove — so if you later decide to use one for protection, it won’t be effective. If you use massage oil, make sure your lover washes any residual oil away before using latex. In addition, oils may cause irritation if they get inside the vagina, so use water-based lube if you’re going to incorporate penetration.
• Try starting out with extremely light touch, perhaps before you apply the lube. Just gently tickle the pubic hair, outer lips, inner lips, upper thighs, vaginal entrance, and buttocks.
• Try drumming your fingers very lightly against the labia, vaginal opening, and clit hood.
• Add some lube and use your fingers and the palm of your hand to very gently stroke the labia, clitoral hood, and vaginal entrance. If your partner and you are feeling adventurous, you can get the anus into the act, but be sure not to move a finger from the anus to the vagina — dangerous bacteria can leapfrog that way. If you’re going to play with both the anus and the vagina, use separate hands or change latex gloves in between.
• Try putting your whole hand over the vulva with your fingers closed, and very gradually increase the pressure, paying close attention to your partner’s response. You can press harder for as long as it feels good, or until you reach a comfortable level, and gently move your hand around in circles. You can start out doing this slowly, and move up to a vibrator-like action if that draws a positive response.
• If you’ve got a free hand, reach up and touch her belly, breasts, face, hair, arms and shoulders, or hold her hand. That connection may make the play feel even more intimate.
• If she gets to the point where she wants to come, tell her not to be shy about doing it herself if she finds it easier to climax that way — you can, for instance, stroke her labia or slip your fingers inside her vagina while she rubs her clit to orgasm.
• Some women may enjoy the sensation of having their vulvas slapped or spanked, either lightly or firmly — but be sure to ask about this first, and to remember that when slapping, a little goes a looooooong way!
• Above all, enjoy yourself! If you’re just mechanically rubbing your lover’s pussy, she’s likely to get as bored as you are. If your mind tends to wander, find ways to keep it focused and engage your arousal as well as hers. Here are some ideas:
• Do this while watching video erotica that turns you both on.
• Try talking to your lover. This can range from “Yeah, does that feel good?” to “Your pussy’s all wet!” to “You slut, you love having your pussy rubbed, don’t you?” Whatever is sexy to you and your partner. It’ll increase communication and make it easier for you to tell if she’s enjoying what you’re doing — and what you should do more of.
• Listen to music you like to dance to. Engage your whole body while you’re stroking her — moving your shoulders, arms, and torso with the music and with your lover’s body.
• Have her read you erotica while you caress her pussy. Find a favorite sexy story and have her give you a dramatic reading — maybe commenting on what she finds sexy about it! She may, ahem, lose her place occasionally if you’re doing it right, but it’s all part of the game.

Happy hand jobs!

For further information:

Fire in the Valley: The Intimate Guide to Female Genital Massage